Blanche: Well, this is not the end, I can promise you that. Justice will be done here! I hate criminals. I just hate 'em! Someone's gonna pay for this heinous crime! We're gonna have a good, old-fashioned hangin'! That's right, a hangin'! Only first we'll have a whippin', and then we'll have a hangin'! Nobody takes my mama's jewels without swingin' for it! Nighty-night.

Blanche: Well, what do you know? Sophia has a past!
Sophia: That's right! But unlike yours, I didn't need penicillin to get through it.

Blanche: Who is he?
Rose: His name is Al.
Blanche: No, I mean what does he do?
Rose: He imports diamonds.
Blanche: Oh, damn, I hope he's not dead!

Blanche: Wills make people do crazy things.
Dorothy: Like what Blanche?
Blanche: Do you know what they just uncovered in the Duncan Osgood murder case? That the day before she was murdered, Tippi Paxton Osgood had changed her will, making Duncan the sole heir to the Paxton Napkin fortune! [Dorothy stares at her] That man is guilty!
Dorothy: Oh come on, that's circumstantial evidence, I mean, it's not enough to convict him.
Blanche: Well actually, the more damning evidence was the snapshot of Duncan dressed in scuba gear dragging Tippi's body down the stairs, wrapped in a carpet. [Dorothy stares at her again]
Dorothy: Maybe it was from their wedding album.

Blanche: You really think selling candy is going to qualify you for that prestigious award?
Dorothy: Oh, excuse me. I didn't realize that slipping my tongue to half the firemen in the county was the more lofty social achievement!

Blanche: You still watch television?
Lily: Well, I don't exactly watch it. I just pretend it's radio.
Sophia: [about television] We don't exactly watch it either, with our crummy TV. We get two channels at once. For a while there I thought Benson was having an affair with Miss Ellie.

Blanche: You've probably haven't noticed it, but I've put on three pounds.
Sophia: On each side.

Bonnie: A few years ago, I had a mastectomy. And well, now I'm back for another.
Dorothy: And you're not scared?
Bonnie: I'm petrified. Nobody's that brave, except on TV and in the movies. I remember crying when they first told me, and I don't think I stopped until they wheeled me into surgery. Then afterward, I cried because I thought the pain would never go away. But it did. And it will again. You get through it. You move on. It could have been a lot worse, I could have missed these past three years....(after she goes quiet) Dorothy? Are you all right? How do you feel?
Dorothy: Like a fool. Like a damn fool.

Cowboy #2: Howdy, ladies. My name's Rusty. I don't recollect seeing you two fillies 'round these parts. Mind if a lonesome cowboy puts his saddlebags 'round your campf...
Dorothy: Give us a break, would you mac!

Dorothy: (watching her roommate stretch) Why are you doing those exercises?
Bonnie: No reason. I just like to stay healthy.
Dorothy: I hate to break it to you, Bonnie, but you're in a hospital. The exercises aren't working.

Dorothy: [in Rose's dream, about the wedding] You can't disappoint your guests.
Rose: The guests? But I have to think about what's best for me!
Dorothy: That's only in real life, Rose. In a dream, you do what's best for the guests.

Dorothy: [on getting robbed] It has nothing to do with energy, it has nothing to do with being single. It has to do with a lousy lock on a sliding door and massive unemployment. Now, I'm going into my room. Call me when the cops come.
Rose: We're all employed, Dorothy, except your mother. I wouldn't call that massive.
Dorothy: Good night Rose. Go to sleep, sweetheart. Pray for brains.

Dorothy: [on the phone, trying to get Frank Sinatra tickets] It's what? ... Why, you... you've kept me on hold all this time to tell me that it is sold out?!! ... NO, NO, I WILL NOT HAVE A NICE DAY!!! [slams down phone]

Dorothy: [on why she was afraid to talk in class as a child] I had a slight speech impediment. I mean, it's different for kids these days, you know, they have Barbara Walters to look up to. But in those days, it really stood out, you know? Oh, I don't know, it must have taken three months before I could muster up the courage, you know, to talk to Mrs. Lenhoff, but it turned out to be the smartest thing I could have done, because not only did she help me, you know, with the speech problem, she was the one who inspired me to go into the teaching profession.
Blanche: You know what, I think tomorrow after class, I will talk to Professor Cooper.
Dorothy: Good girl!
Rose: Whatever happened to your teacher, Mrs. Lenhoff?
Dorothy: Oh gosh, the last I heard, she retired from teaching and opened a bed and breakfast someplace in Whode Island. [pauses] ... Rhode Island.

Dorothy: [sorting through items for their garage sale] Will you look at this? I got this doll on my tenth birthday. Oh, I can't believe I kept her after all these years. Her hair's falling out, her clothes are all worn. [sniffing as Sophia enters the room] And she smells of mothballs.
Sophia: Hey, I may not be Ann-Margret but I'm still your mother!