[about Sophia moving out]
Rose: Who's going to keep after us? Make us linguine and tell us stories about Sicily?
Dorothy: I don't know, Rose. Maybe Mary Poppins has an Italian cousin.

[after Stan leaves]
Dorothy: Why did I ever marry that man?
Sophia: Because he knocked you up!
Dorothy: Why did I let that happen?
Sophia: Because he got you drunk!
Dorothy Why am I even discussing this with you?
Sophia: Beats the hell out of me!

[after the robbery]
Blanche: Oh, I'm gonna check the kitchen.
Rose: Well, wait! Don't leave me! What'll I do if they come back?
Dorothy: Show them your slides of Hawaii.

[Blanche enters in from the kitchen with flour on her face and blouse]
Blanche: [stunned] They got my jewels.
Dorothy: But I see they didn't get your cocaine.
Rose: [shocked] Oh my God, Blanche has cocaine?!

[Blanche is asleep at the table. Dorothy wants to practice]
Dorothy: Blanche, let's go.
[Blanche murmurs in her sleep]
Dorothy: Come on, Blanche, let's go!
[Blanche murmurs again. Dorothy speaks in a manly whisper]
Dorothy: Blanche, wake up. My wife will be home any minute.
[Blanche shoots up]
Blanche: WHERE ARE MY SHOES?

[Blanche is exercising in a crouched position as Dorothy watches]
Dorothy: The only time I get in that position is when I give birth.

[Blanche is talking about Richard's son Little Richard]
Rose: Little Richard was in Bermuda?!
Dorothy: Yes, Rose, he was burying Fats Domino in the sand.

[Dorothy blowing her nose]
Blanche: Must you do that?!
Rose: She can't help it Blanche, she has to blow her nose. Or is that a banana.

[Dorothy has snuck home from the hospital because she is afraid to have surgery on her foot]
Rose: Blanche, call the police! I just saw a big, ugly man with a limp walk past my bedroom window. He was wearing Dorothy's coat! [she sees Dorothy sitting on the bed] But then again it was dark and I tend to overdramatize.

[Dorothy sneaks up on the mouse in the kitchen, carrying a broom]
Dorothy: Gotcha! You're trapped like a rat. Okay, so you're a mouse. Either way, you're out of here. [The mouse looks up at her] Oh, listen, you had your chance to- to leave and you didn't take it, and now I have to kill you. I mean, I'm probably doing you a favor. I mean, what kind of life are you having? What, you hang around sewers, you eat garbage. That's not living, honey. Believe me, you'll be better off once I put you out of your misery. [she goes to hit the mouse with the broom but stops] I have never killed another living thing in my entire life. All right, a bug, yes. I have killed bugs. But they don't count. [The mouse looks at her again] I don't know why, they just don't! I don't believe this. I'm talking to a mouse. The scary part is, I think you're listening.

[Dorothy walks in holding a baby]
Blanche: Dorothy, what in the world is that?
Dorothy: It's a flounder, Blanche.

[in Rose's dream]
Rose: Jeane, could you tell me what the future holds?
Jeane Dixon: Sure. In January, Brooke Shields and Lady Di will star together in a Broadway musical comedy. Senator Edward Kennedy will once again-
Rose: [interrupting] No no no, I mean what the future holds for me and Jonathan.
Jeane Dixon: Rose, I'm not getting a clear picture on that. However, I do know that Jackie O. will tie the knot again-
Dorothy: [cutting in] Oh, uh, thank you very much Ms. Dixon, [shows her out of Rose's room with Blanche] enjoy the wedding.

[Rose and Sophia are playing Trivial Pursuit]
Rose: Who was known as the world's fastest human being?
Sophia: Dominic Tanzi.
Rose: It says Jesse Owens here.
Sophia: Trust me, it was Dominic Tanzi. He got four women pregnant in one night. Two in New York, two in New Jersey.

[Rose woke Dorothy with her banging in the bathroom.]
Dorothy: Honey, do you know what's behind that wall that you're banging on?
Rose: A lateral fusion pipe.
Dorothy: And do you know what's on the other side of that lateral fusion pipe?
Rose: No...
Dorothy: MY HEAD!!!
Rose: I'm sorry. It's just that I was so excited - I think I might have stumbled on something that could change the future of plumbing as we know it!
Dorothy: Great, Rose. Call the Ty-D-Bol Man. He'll jump in his boat and spread the news.

[wondering why someone could hate their own sister]
Rose: Maybe it's Southern.
Blanche: Sleeping with your brothers is Southern!