[Blanche enters in from the kitchen with flour on her face and blouse]
Blanche: [stunned] They got my jewels.
Dorothy: But I see they didn't get your cocaine.
Rose: [shocked] Oh my God, Blanche has cocaine?!

[Blanche fills the entire coffee table with many different snacks from the kitchen.]
Sophia: A few more snacks like that and the only thing you'll be able to fit into is a saddle.
Blanche: I'm not gonna eat all of this at once, Sophia. There's an I Love Lucy marathon on tonight. I'm setting up for 12 straight hours of classic TV.
Sophia: I never cared for that show. Every single episode, Lucy said the same thing. "Ricky, why can't I be in the show? Ricky, why can't I be in the show?" Why couldn't she be in the show? The woman was a riot at home. His show at the club stank. What's so entertaining about a Cuban beating a drum?

[Blanche has been feeling guilty about keeping a bed she ordered that the company didn't charge her enough for. The doorbell rings and Fred walks in wearing his Mr. Policeman outfit.]
Blanche: Oh, thank God! I can't live with myself anymore. Take me!
Dorothy: Blanche!
Blanche: Dorothy, please, stay out of this. I know what's best. Just slap the handcuffs on me, the bed's this way.
[Fred shrugs and follows her down the hallway but first stops and turns to everyone sitting in the living room.]
Fred: Y'know what's funny? I was supposed to be Mr. Mailman today.

[Blanche is asleep at the table. Dorothy wants to practice]
Dorothy: Blanche, let's go.
[Blanche murmurs in her sleep]
Dorothy: Come on, Blanche, let's go!
[Blanche murmurs again. Dorothy speaks in a manly whisper]
Dorothy: Blanche, wake up. My wife will be home any minute.
[Blanche shoots up]
Blanche: WHERE ARE MY SHOES?

[Blanche is exercising in a crouched position as Dorothy watches]
Dorothy: The only time I get in that position is when I give birth.

[Blanche is explaining to the girls why she gets aroused by Santa Claus]
Blanche: I can't help it. There's something about a man in a Santa Claus suit that just drives me absolutely crazy! I don't know. Maybe it's-- it's the warmth of all that RED HOT SWEATY flannel, set against the austere coldness of those BLACK PANTHER LEATHER jack boots...OR maybe it's because those rosy cheeks and twinkling eyes bespeak a passion that is about to erupt from a man who just spent a COLD LONELY year cooped up with a pack of dwarfs! I'm not sure. All I know is the sight of a Santa sets my body aflame with unbridled desire!
Dorothy: Blanche, you do realize you're in the minority on this?

[Blanche is talking about Richard's son Little Richard]
Rose: Little Richard was in Bermuda?!
Dorothy: Yes, Rose, he was burying Fats Domino in the sand.

[Blanche was telling the girls of one particular Christmas Eve where she met 3 or more men that night]
Dorothy: Blanche, I could get herpes listening to this story!

[Dorothy blowing her nose]
Blanche: Must you do that?!
Rose: She can't help it Blanche, she has to blow her nose. Or is that a banana.

[Dorothy has snuck home from the hospital because she is afraid to have surgery on her foot]
Rose: Blanche, call the police! I just saw a big, ugly man with a limp walk past my bedroom window. He was wearing Dorothy's coat! [she sees Dorothy sitting on the bed] But then again it was dark and I tend to overdramatize.

[Dorothy is embarrassed to find out that her date is actually a priest.]
Fr. Leahy: You look lovely tonight.
Dorothy: I look like the mother of a Solid Gold dancer.

[Dorothy is storming out of the house because she thinks Stan and Blanche are sleeping together]
Rose: Where are you going?
Dorothy: To either get ice-cream or commit a felony. I'll decide in the car.

[Dorothy sneaks up on the mouse in the kitchen, carrying a broom]
Dorothy: Gotcha! You're trapped like a rat. Okay, so you're a mouse. Either way, you're out of here. [The mouse looks up at her] Oh, listen, you had your chance to- to leave and you didn't take it, and now I have to kill you. I mean, I'm probably doing you a favor. I mean, what kind of life are you having? What, you hang around sewers, you eat garbage. That's not living, honey. Believe me, you'll be better off once I put you out of your misery. [she goes to hit the mouse with the broom but stops] I have never killed another living thing in my entire life. All right, a bug, yes. I have killed bugs. But they don't count. [The mouse looks at her again] I don't know why, they just don't! I don't believe this. I'm talking to a mouse. The scary part is, I think you're listening.

[Dorothy walks in holding a baby]
Blanche: Dorothy, what in the world is that?
Dorothy: It's a flounder, Blanche.

[in Rose's dream]
Rose: Jeane, could you tell me what the future holds?
Jeane Dixon: Sure. In January, Brooke Shields and Lady Di will star together in a Broadway musical comedy. Senator Edward Kennedy will once again-
Rose: [interrupting] No no no, I mean what the future holds for me and Jonathan.
Jeane Dixon: Rose, I'm not getting a clear picture on that. However, I do know that Jackie O. will tie the knot again-
Dorothy: [cutting in] Oh, uh, thank you very much Ms. Dixon, [shows her out of Rose's room with Blanche] enjoy the wedding.