[Mr. Pfeiffer is trying to set a date for Mrs. Claxton's funeral service]
Mr. Pfeiffer: How about Thursday night?
Rose: Thursday night?
Blanche: Are you crazy?
Sophia: Not Thursday, hell no!
Mr. Pfeiffer: Sorry, I forgot. The Cosby Show.

[rehearsing The Sound of Music]
Rose: The Nazis are coming, the Nazis are coming!
[Sophia runs into the room]
Sophia: Everybody grab a gun and run to the basement! Come on! Move, move!
[Rose and Blanche help Sophia onto the couch and try to calm her down]
Blanche: Sophia, now just relax, we're just going over our lines for The Sound of Music.
Sophia: Oh, thank God!

[Rose and Sophia are playing Trivial Pursuit]
Rose: Who was known as the world's fastest human being?
Sophia: Dominic Tanzi.
Rose: It says Jesse Owens here.
Sophia: Trust me, it was Dominic Tanzi. He got four women pregnant in one night. Two in New York, two in New Jersey.

[Rose is in denial about Michael and Bridget's affair]
Rose: You know how it is when you can't believe something.
Dorothy: Yes, I can't believe Alan Thicke has a hit series, but that doesn't mean it isn't so.

[Rose is singing The First Noel and as the rest of the gang joins in....]
Rose: Did I ever tell you about the time....one Christmas, we launched the production of A Christmas Carol with an all-chicken cast.
Dorothy: God, look at the time!
Blanche: Is it that late? I'm so tired.
[Dorothy, Blanche, and Sophia exit.]

[Rose woke Dorothy with her banging in the bathroom.]
Dorothy: Honey, do you know what's behind that wall that you're banging on?
Rose: A lateral fusion pipe.
Dorothy: And do you know what's on the other side of that lateral fusion pipe?
Rose: No...
Dorothy: MY HEAD!!!
Rose: I'm sorry. It's just that I was so excited - I think I might have stumbled on something that could change the future of plumbing as we know it!
Dorothy: Great, Rose. Call the Ty-D-Bol Man. He'll jump in his boat and spread the news.

[Sophia is watching a dirty movie]
Dorothy: Hi, Ma. Whatcha watching?
Sophia: I dunno, one of those Steven Spielberger movies.
Dorothy: That's not a Steven Spielberg movi-...what are they doing?
Sophia: You know what they're doing. We had that talk when you were 12.
Dorothy: Ma, I can't believe this! You rented a dirty movie?
Sophia: Dirty is in the eye of the beholder. Okay, that's a little dirty.
Dorothy: I cannot watch any more of this.
Rose: [coming in with Blanche] Hi.
[Dorothy is pressing buttons on the remote]
Sophia: Wrong button. That's fast forward.
Rose: Oh, my.. what are they doing?
Blanche: I know what they're doing, but I never saw anyone do it at that speed.
Rose: It reminds me of my Uncle Ricky's rabbit farm!
[Dorothy presses another button]
Sophia: That's reverse, Dorothy.
Blanche: I did that once. [the others turn to look at her] It was his birthday.

[the doorbell rings]
Blanche: Who on earth could that be at three o'clock in the morning?
Dorothy: Maybe it's a Jehovah's Witness with a caffeine problem?

[the girls are looking in the theater]
Dorothy: I can't see a thing.
Rose: What kind of a movie is this Dorothy?
Patron: [yelling] Rip his throat out!
Dorothy: It's a musical Rose.

[the girls are watching Rose's video]
Rose: That's Sophia walking into the kitchen.
Sophia: I didn't know Fess Parker was in this picture.
Dorothy: Ma, what're you doing?
Sophia: I'm mugging for the camera.
Dorothy: You're mugging me! You're stealing out of my pocket!
Sophia: I'm checking to make sure you have the exact change for the bus... now I'm stealing.

[The girls discuss the strangeness of psychiatrists' patients]
Sophia: Did you see him? Total fruitcake! We're talking serial murderer!
Rose: Well, if somebody tries to murder cereal, he should see a psychiatrist. [laughs]
Dorothy: Don't talk for the rest of the afternoon.

[The girls enter Blanche's room in the hospital.]
Dorothy: Blanche, honey, how are you?
Patient: [mumbles something incomprehensible because of the bandages covering the mouth]
Rose: Oh, you're probably pretty uncomfortable right now, but in a few days you'll be feeling fine, Blanche.
Patient: [mumbles again]
Sophia: Can we get you anything?
Patient: [mumbles again, then lifts up the bedclothes...]
Dorothy: Whoa.
Sophia: I think you've got yourself one hell of a lawsuit there, Blanche!
Rose: Was this a last minute decision?
Dorothy: We're very sorry, sir.

[The girls have offered to watch Albert's diner for a little while so he can have some time with his family]
Albert: Can you cook?
Sophia: Are you black?

[wondering why someone could hate their own sister]
Rose: Maybe it's Southern.
Blanche: Sleeping with your brothers is Southern!

[Dorothy and Blanche enter the kitchen. Dorothy is holding a pizza box.]
Dorothy: Hi, Rose.
Blanche: We brought dinner.
Rose: What'd you get?
Dorothy: [gestures with the pizza box] A bucket of chicken. I hope you like it extra flat and crispy.