Rose: I got tickets too. This is such a coincidence. I was driving down Biscayne Boulevard--
Blanche: No, no, no, no! Please, I cannot bear that again. She was listening to her car radio, Big Band, not All Talk. There was a contest. Something about a little voice, a lucky number, a dime and a doorhandle. Then bim bam boom, she won the tickets!
Dorothy: Take a lesson, Rose. That's how you tell a story.

Rose: I haven't been this depressed since I was rejected by Uncle Sam.
Blanche: Well honey, if he was your uncle, it wasn't meant to be. It wasn't like if he was your cousin, where the relationship might have had a future.
Dorothy: Tell me Blanche, have any of your relatives appeared in Deliverance?

Rose: I know grief. It takes time.
Dorothy: Please, Rose. Listen, if you're Irish, you have a wake. You eat, you cry, you drink, you vomit and you're done. If you're Jewish, you cry, you sit, you eat for seven days. You put on ten pounds, and it's over. We Italians scream, dress up a donkey, hire a band, and that's that. It's these Southern Protestants who make it a way of life.

Rose: I was booked, fingerprints, mug shots, I'm a known criminal! I'll never be able to go back to my hometown again!
Blanche: Oh honey, nobody back home's ever gonna find out about this.
Rose: Oh yes they will! The St. Olaf Courier-Dispatch is known for its investigative reporting!
Dorothy: You're right, that series they did on oat fungus was an uncompromising piece of journalism.

Rose: I wonder why Italian men are so romantic.
Dorothy: It's the tight pants, Rose.

Rose: I'll be fine.
Blanche: Is this about Arnie?
Dorothy: No Blanche, she's upset because they keep changing the taste of Coke.

Rose: I'll do it, I'll be the plant.
Sophia: You are a plant.

Rose: I'm a very patient person. I once waited two whole weeks for a sty to go away. Every night I'd close my eyes and I'd picture it getting smaller and smaller, and one morning I woke up and it was gone!
[Sophia leans back against the refrigerator with her eyes closed]
Dorothy: Ma, you okay?
Sophia: I'm fine. I'm just trying to make Rose go away.

Rose: I'm concerned about nuclear war!
Dorothy: And just yesterday, her biggest concern was whether Bubbles the Chimp was traveling with Michael Jackson against his will.

Rose: I'm still confused about the operation that Gil Kessler had. Is the man asleep during it?
Dorothy: I think so.
Rose: And what about the parts they put on? Do they test them first?
Dorothy: Of course, Rose. You know, like windshield wipers.
Rose: So they work?
Dorothy: I assume so, yes.
Rose: [Brief pause] ...What are they made of?
Dorothy: [irritated] Silly Putty, Rose!

Rose: I'm sure it isn't a heart attack. A heart attack's bigger. I've seen a heart attack. Charlie had a heart attack.
Dorothy: And it wasn't like this?
Rose: Oh, it was much worse.
Dorothy: I think the paramedics would get here!
Rose: Charlie made me dress him when he had his heart attack, before the paramedics got here.
Dorothy: But he wasn't dressed?
Rose: We were... making love.
Dorothy: Oh, Rose, honey, you never told me. He died while you were making love?
Rose: Well, he didn't die then, he had his heart attack then. And, he told me to dress him.
Dorothy: And?
Rose: And I dressed him. And then we had a fight. I grabbed a pair of white pants, and I was putting it on him, and Charlie said it was after Labor Day and he couldn't wear white!
Dorothy: In the middle of a heart attack?
Rose: Oh, Charlie was very stubborn. And very dapper.
Dorothy: And, then what happened?
Rose: ...And he...told me he loved me...and then it was over. And I put a pair of gray flannel pants on him. And a blue shirt...and a striped tie. And he was all dressed when the paramedics got there.

Rose: Is there anything else we can get you, Sophia? A little tea, perhaps?
Sophia: I'm not in England, I'm having a heart attack!

Rose: It wasn't a rat! It was a cute little mouse.
Dorothy: Rose, it doesn't wear white gloves and work at Disneyland! We're talking about a rodent!

Rose: It's terrible, just terrible! I am so upset.
Dorothy: Rose, Rose, honey, sit down sweetheart, tell us all about it. Ma, would you get Rose some water?
Sophia: What is she going to do with water? Has water ever made you feel better when you were upset? Have you ever heard anyone say: 'Thank God, the water's here'? Call me when dinner is ready.

Rose: Mrs. Claxton's soul is part of that tree now, Sophia.
Sophia: That's really lovely... and it's touching how that Great Dane is paying its respects!