Mystery Science Theater 3000 quotes

1930 total quotes


Crow: I bet that would be good with drawn butter. Of course, I'd eat my own *head* with drawn butter.

Crow: I bet this was made in Canada.
Servo: Oui.

Crow: I could mention that this isn't the future and it's not a war, but you know me, I don't like to complain.

Crow: I have a feeling one of these characters is about to see their own intestines!

Crow: I hear his theme music, he's around here somewhere...

Crow: Isn't it cute the way they're making a stab at a plot?

Crow: It's Room Dos-Dos-Dos!

Crow: It's a dames and broads audition.

Crow: Kinda sorry Shelley bought it.
Joel: Yeah... kinda of a shame.
Tom: She bought it, but we paid for it.

Crow: Looks kinda skinny. Must be a Carpenter ant. [chuckling] Carpenter... get it? Carpenter ant. See 'cause--
Joel: [horrified] Oh no...
Crow: Never mind.
Joel: You don't mean that...
Servo: Ant-orexic.
Crow: [laughs] See? Servo got it.

Crow: Mother Teresa called. She hates you.

Crow: No one could hold a candle to him in this role. Well, maybe they could douse him in something flammable and then hold a candle to him.

Crow: Now, is this the real Old West, or the Roy Rogers Old West where they had electricity and cars?

Crow: Remember, they're vampire women, so get ready with the Cher jokes.

Crow: Santa Claus, killed in Vietnam.