Mystery Science Theater 3000 quotes
1930 total quotesAdam: You think you can't get hurt, Doctor, because this is America? Apple pie and all that jazz?
Crow: And hula hoops and dungarees?
Adam: Well, my job is to keep the apple pie on the table, and nobody asks me how I do it!
Mike [as Dr. Stefanik]: I'll just need an hour to figure out your metaphor.
Crow: And hula hoops and dungarees?
Adam: Well, my job is to keep the apple pie on the table, and nobody asks me how I do it!
Mike [as Dr. Stefanik]: I'll just need an hour to figure out your metaphor.
April: Women can make a difference.
Crow: Ahh, the director wrote that so he could get laid.
Crow: Ahh, the director wrote that so he could get laid.
Bernie: I feel real free in that wild blue sky.
Crow [as Bernie]: Cops can't touch me up there.
Bernie: ...Feels good, making like a bird, floating around up there.
Mike [as Bernie]: Poopin' on people.
Crow [as Bernie]: Cops can't touch me up there.
Bernie: ...Feels good, making like a bird, floating around up there.
Mike [as Bernie]: Poopin' on people.
Adams: Be careful. Exeter could flatter you to death.
Exeter: The truth is never flattering, Dr. Adams.
Servo [as Exeter]: You fine, foxy lady!
Exeter: The truth is never flattering, Dr. Adams.
Servo [as Exeter]: You fine, foxy lady!
Alex: I thought, maybe . . . how'd you like to go dancing?
Judy: Dancing? Oh, Alex, how dreamy!
Crow: [begins whimpering and panting like an excited puppy]
Judy: Dancing? Oh, Alex, how dreamy!
Crow: [begins whimpering and panting like an excited puppy]
Ann: Everything he wanted was everything I needed...
Crow [as Ann]: So neither of us actually got anything.
Crow [as Ann]: So neither of us actually got anything.
100 years of solitude, 100 years of solitude!
Take one down, pass it around,
99 years of solitude!
Take one down, pass it around,
99 years of solitude!
Bell Woman: ...All you'll have to do is give the telephone company a list of the numbers you dial most frequently. The electronic brain's memory will do the rest.
[The blond-haired, blue-eyed couple look at each other in excitement.]
Crow [as nerdy guy]: The Führer will like that!
[The blond-haired, blue-eyed couple look at each other in excitement.]
Crow [as nerdy guy]: The Führer will like that!
Baroness De Ghent: We mustn't go around feeling sorry for ourselves! No matter how bad things get, they can always get worse!
Crow: The First Lutheran!
. . .
Baroness De Ghent: Your features are so�� masculine.
Mike [as De Ghent]: You look like Pat Summerall.
. . .
Baroness De Ghent: No wonder you're built for hard labour.
Crow [as De Ghent]: You'll be giving birth to Paul Prudhomme.
Crow: The First Lutheran!
. . .
Baroness De Ghent: Your features are so�� masculine.
Mike [as De Ghent]: You look like Pat Summerall.
. . .
Baroness De Ghent: No wonder you're built for hard labour.
Crow [as De Ghent]: You'll be giving birth to Paul Prudhomme.
Ariel: What is your name?
Maciste: Maciste, and yours?
Crow: [holding back laughter] Cheesesteak?
Maciste: Maciste, and yours?
Crow: [holding back laughter] Cheesesteak?
Announcer: Where's the third fellow? He's chicken -- never jumped at all.
Crow [as Announcer]: What's this? He's forced his way into the announcer's booth. What's that in his hand? Oh no! Aah!
[Joel or Servo makes gunshot noises.]
...
Crow [as Announcer]: What's this? He's forced his way into the announcer's booth. What's that in his hand? Oh no! Aah!
[Joel or Servo makes gunshot noises.]
...
Ben Franklin: You receive two dollars every week as an allowance from your father��
Mike [as Franklin]: ��James Joyce.
Ben Franklin: ��something quite unheard of in my day.
Crow: Fathers?
Mike [as Franklin]: ��James Joyce.
Ben Franklin: ��something quite unheard of in my day.
Crow: Fathers?
Ann: Hey, how did you know who I was?
Officer: Fred Burrows told us how he got you to give him a ride. Don't worry, you're free to go.
Mike: Fred Burrows?
Servo: Somebody look in your Rolodex for a Fred Burrows.
...
Officer: Fred Burrows told us how he got you to give him a ride. Don't worry, you're free to go.
Mike: Fred Burrows?
Servo: Somebody look in your Rolodex for a Fred Burrows.
...