Mystery Science Theater 3000 quotes
1930 total quotesBeth: Would you like some coffee?
Joe Moss: Coffee?
Crow [as Joe]: What is this "coffee"?
Joe Moss: [stiltedly] I like coffee!
Beth: Well, good!
Mike: And thus we peer into the complex inner workings of this character.
. . .
[Beth and Joe walk across the airfield]
Servo [as Joe]: Where is it, your "coffee"?
Joe Moss: Coffee?
Crow [as Joe]: What is this "coffee"?
Joe Moss: [stiltedly] I like coffee!
Beth: Well, good!
Mike: And thus we peer into the complex inner workings of this character.
. . .
[Beth and Joe walk across the airfield]
Servo [as Joe]: Where is it, your "coffee"?
Betty: Where are you from Derek?
Joel [as Derek]: A place called "Studsville". Population: "Me".
Joel [as Derek]: A place called "Studsville". Population: "Me".
Bill Dudley: [explaining his work philosophy] That's why I keep these bull-eye's handy, so that a small slip-up doesn't turn into a big trip-up.
Mike: Make sure you stock your truck up, so that you don't ... well, you know...
High School Big Shot (movie)
Mike: Make sure you stock your truck up, so that you don't ... well, you know...
High School Big Shot (movie)
Bill Dudley: [explaining his work philosophy] The two most important things a bread salesman needs is this [taps head] and this. [taps inventory book]
Crow: A hat and a pad.
Crow: A hat and a pad.
Bill Dudley: You see, I want every grocer on my route thinking...
[cut to a montage of grocers]
Mike [as grocer]: What a moron.
Grocer voiceover: That Bill Dudley is OK. Never slams doors. Always seems friendly, always got a smile.
Servo [as grocer]: What's he on?
Voiceover: Always interested in my store, treats my place with respect.
Crow [as grocer]: What does he want from me?
Voiceover: Never slams his trays around, or makes a nuisance of himself.
Servo [as Grocer]: Why can't he leave me alone?
Voiceover: I like to do business with salesmen like that.
Mike [as Grocer]: But his bread sucks.
[cut to a montage of grocers]
Mike [as grocer]: What a moron.
Grocer voiceover: That Bill Dudley is OK. Never slams doors. Always seems friendly, always got a smile.
Servo [as grocer]: What's he on?
Voiceover: Always interested in my store, treats my place with respect.
Crow [as grocer]: What does he want from me?
Voiceover: Never slams his trays around, or makes a nuisance of himself.
Servo [as Grocer]: Why can't he leave me alone?
Voiceover: I like to do business with salesmen like that.
Mike [as Grocer]: But his bread sucks.
Bob Draper: Hi, I'm Bob Draper. School must've assigned you a keeper.
Don Pringle: Don Pringle.
Crow [as Don]: Heir to the potato chip fortune.
Don Pringle: Don Pringle.
Crow [as Don]: Heir to the potato chip fortune.
Bob Steele: That's the worst part about it -- she�� she dies in a strange place without friends or anybody, and nobody even knows her name.
Crow: She shoulda died at Cheers -- then everyone woulda known her name.
Crow: She shoulda died at Cheers -- then everyone woulda known her name.
Cain: Only the good die young.
Servo: Most of us are morally ambiguous, which explains our random dying patterns.
Servo: Most of us are morally ambiguous, which explains our random dying patterns.
Capt. Devers: Whoever did this knew his way around spaceships.
Cmdr. Jansen: I agree.
Mike [as Jensen]: I don't know if this helps, but ho ho ho.
Cmdr. Jansen: I agree.
Mike [as Jensen]: I don't know if this helps, but ho ho ho.
Captain Devers: [referring to another character] Sir, we both know there's only one man here who's capable of combat. A man who's had training, both physically and mentally.
Commander Jansen: Alright.
Crow [as Jansen]: Fetch me my warrior muumuu.
Commander Jansen: Alright.
Crow [as Jansen]: Fetch me my warrior muumuu.
Carla: [about her work at the blood bank] We set a record today.
Vince: You set a record with me a long time ago.
Mike [as Vince]: God, I'm smooth.
Vince: You set a record with me a long time ago.
Mike [as Vince]: God, I'm smooth.
Carlson: Dr. Adams.
Ruth: Yes Steve?
Mike [as Carlson]: What's this "and the rest" crap?
Ruth: Yes Steve?
Mike [as Carlson]: What's this "and the rest" crap?
Caroline: Catherine, I'm scared!
Catherine: Don't worry, we're with you.
Crow: We're doomed, but with you.
Catherine: Don't worry, we're with you.
Crow: We're doomed, but with you.