Mystery Science Theater 3000 quotes
1930 total quotesJoel, Servo, Crow: [singing to the background music in the opening credits]
Come on and buy some crap from us
You know that you want to
And the white race will salute you
As you prance and gad about!
Come on and buy some crap from us
You know that you want to
And the white race will salute you
As you prance and gad about!
Joel: [reading fan letter, a child's crayon scribble on graph paper] Cambot, put this up on stillstore, there's no print, but it's a really good drawing of me, and, Crow, and... Servo... on the bridge...?
Crow: [matter-of-factly] It's really not that good!
Joel: Come with me, mister! [grabs Crow by the net and drags him offscreen]
Crow: AAAAAAGH!
Crow: [matter-of-factly] It's really not that good!
Joel: Come with me, mister! [grabs Crow by the net and drags him offscreen]
Crow: AAAAAAGH!
Joel: Hey! Tom, what the hell? You didn't tell me that Tommy was in here!
Crow: Timmy!
Joel: He's not supposed to be in the theater, y'know!
Crow: Hey!
Joel: All right, knock it off, there's no rough-housing in here!
Servo: I'm choking! I'm choking! I'm choking! Choking! Ahhh! H-He-Help! HE-MMMMPH! {Servo's muffled sobs and cries of 'HMMMMMLPH!']
Crow: Joel, he's trying to kill Tom Servo!
Joel: You go out to the bridge, stay frosty! I've got a plan!
[Crow exits stage left; Joel stage right, which leads to...]
Crow: Timmy!
Joel: He's not supposed to be in the theater, y'know!
Crow: Hey!
Joel: All right, knock it off, there's no rough-housing in here!
Servo: I'm choking! I'm choking! I'm choking! Choking! Ahhh! H-He-Help! HE-MMMMPH! {Servo's muffled sobs and cries of 'HMMMMMLPH!']
Crow: Joel, he's trying to kill Tom Servo!
Joel: You go out to the bridge, stay frosty! I've got a plan!
[Crow exits stage left; Joel stage right, which leads to...]
Joel: Hey, Crow.
Crow: Yes, Joel Hodgson?
Joel: I found the secret of life the other day... but it kinda bummed me out.
Crow: You found the secret of life? Why should it bum you out?
Joel: It was on 8-track.
[Gypsy and Crow laugh.]
Crow: Yes, Joel Hodgson?
Joel: I found the secret of life the other day... but it kinda bummed me out.
Crow: You found the secret of life? Why should it bum you out?
Joel: It was on 8-track.
[Gypsy and Crow laugh.]
Joel: Just because you lost your hair, doesn't mean you have to take it out on the planet.
Joel: This script is like a telephone directory!
Crow: But not as interesting.
Crow: But not as interesting.
Joel: You know, every frame of this movie looks like someone's last known photograph.
Johnny: I think you're just a big bully, picking on people smaller than you are!
[Short pause.]
Ro-Man: Now I will kill you.
[Short pause.]
Ro-Man: Now I will kill you.
Jonathan: Thirty years of mud scrabblin', and when I do find the glory dust, I go off half-cocked!
Crow [as Jonathan]: But enough vernacular...
Crow [as Jonathan]: But enough vernacular...