Monk quotes

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All Seasons
 Season 1   Season 2   Season 3   Season 4  



Sharona Fleming: We're never going to get away with this! They're never going to believe we're really married.
Adrian Monk: We have nothing in common. I annoy you all the time. Why wouldn't they believe it?

Sharona Fleming: Why can't you be happy for me?
Adrian Monk: I am happy for you. This is me, being happy for you. I was just telling Brian how happy you seem.
Sharona Fleming: Who's Brian?
Adrian Monk: Brian Babbage.
Sharona Fleming: The coma guy? He woke up?
Adrian Monk: No.
Sharona Fleming: But you were talking to him.
Adrian Monk: He's a good listener.

Sharona: 74 percent is good enough for me! [tackles the Commissioner and wrestles to grab his toupee]

Sharona: Get me down! I thought you said you knew how to operate this thing!
Monk:I am not familiar with this particular model!

Sharona: I am your nurse! Why didn't you tell me?
Monk: Because I knew you'd bring me down! You're bringing the Monk down, man.

Sharona: Let's go up in the Ferris Wheel, then we'll be able to see everything.
Monk: I've got a better idea. You go up in the Ferris Wheel and you can see everything.
(cuts to Sharona in the bucket.)

Sharona: You do know how to operate this thing, right?
Monk: How hard can it be?

Sharona: You okay?
Monk: I just wanna be alone.
Sharona: Okay, I'll come with you.

Sherry Judd: Adrian helped me out of a jam when we were young. Was that 30 years ago?
Adrian Monk: April 12, 1972.
Sherry Judd: You remember?
Adrian Monk: I only remember the date... and what everybody wore, and what everybody said, and what everybody did.

Spyder Rudner: All right, Adolf, let him go!
Lody: It's not about you, Spyder!
Spyder Rudner: The guy's a friend of mine.
Lody: He's a cop!
Spyder Rudner: Yeah, so I've heard. Let him go.
Lody: You'd side with a cop over us?
Spyder Rudner: I'd side with a cucaracha over you.
Season 3

Stottlemeyer: Did Adrian Monk just jump into a garbage truck?

Stottlemeyer: A hundred and fifteen? People that old, they die! It's like their job!

Stottlemeyer: Monk, I'm going to say something I've wanted to say for a long time.
Monk: What is it?
Stottlemeyer: I just solved the case!

Stottlemeyer: So, that means if I'm drunk as a skunk, completely plastered, I'm as smart as you?
Monk: Smarter!

Stottlemeyer: Well, I guess this is your worst nightmare, a crime scene on a rooftop.
Monk: No, it's not my worst nightmare. It's my fourth worst. No, wait, fifth. No, fourth. Fourth or fifth, I didn't bring the list with me.