Monk quotes
0 total quotes[Monk is babysitting Tommy.]
Natalie Teeger: Oh my gosh, look! He's separating his food!
Tommy Graser: Me separating food!
Natalie Teeger: Oh my gosh, look! He's separating his food!
Tommy Graser: Me separating food!
[Monk is babysitting Tommy.]
Teresa Crane: Now... before I go, do you have any questions for me?
Monk: Yes, yes, I have a couple of questions. What does he eat?
Teresa Crane: He... eats food. He eats whatever you eat, only smaller portions.
Monk: Oh. So he's like a person.
Teresa Crane: Now... before I go, do you have any questions for me?
Monk: Yes, yes, I have a couple of questions. What does he eat?
Teresa Crane: He... eats food. He eats whatever you eat, only smaller portions.
Monk: Oh. So he's like a person.
[Monk is forced to go on a Speedy Date to talk to Jenna Ryan]
Date #1: I like your eyes.
Adrian Monk: Well, thank you. They came with the face.
Date #1: So you're a former police officer.
Adrian Monk: That's right.
Date #1: You still have your handcuffs?
Adrian Monk: Yes.
Date #1: Can you show them to me sometime?
Adrian Monk: I don't see why you would want to... they're just handcuffs!
Date #1: I like your eyes.
Adrian Monk: Well, thank you. They came with the face.
Date #1: So you're a former police officer.
Adrian Monk: That's right.
Date #1: You still have your handcuffs?
Adrian Monk: Yes.
Date #1: Can you show them to me sometime?
Adrian Monk: I don't see why you would want to... they're just handcuffs!
[Monk is getting onto the Korn tour bus so Julie can use the restroom.]
Monk: They spelled "Corn" wrong!
Monk: They spelled "Corn" wrong!
[Monk is horrified, having found out how his favorite Cabernet is made]
Adrian Monk: I've been drinking that wine for fifteen years! It's foot wine! I can taste it!
Natalie Teeger: Oh, come on, you cannot taste it!
Adrian Monk: I... I... I... can. I can taste the feet now. And the toes. And what's between the toes.
Al Nicoletto: And the fungus. It really is barbaric.
Natalie Teeger: Okay, I didn't see any fungus! Look, I'm sure they have clean feet, there are probably rules about that stuff! [She trails off as the grape stompers walk past them, stepping barefoot across the muddy ground] Okay, I admit it, that's pretty disgusting.
Adrian Monk: I've been drinking that wine for fifteen years! It's foot wine! I can taste it!
Natalie Teeger: Oh, come on, you cannot taste it!
Adrian Monk: I... I... I... can. I can taste the feet now. And the toes. And what's between the toes.
Al Nicoletto: And the fungus. It really is barbaric.
Natalie Teeger: Okay, I didn't see any fungus! Look, I'm sure they have clean feet, there are probably rules about that stuff! [She trails off as the grape stompers walk past them, stepping barefoot across the muddy ground] Okay, I admit it, that's pretty disgusting.
[Monk is in bed and Natalie brings him some soup.]
Monk: I see letters!
Natalie: It's alphabet soup.
Monk: I see letters!
Natalie: It's alphabet soup.
[Monk is in session with Dr. Kroger]
Dr. Charles Kroger: Didn't she sell her house?
Adrian Monk: Yes.
Dr. Charles Kroger: And she moved back to New Jersey?
Adrian Monk: Yes.
Dr. Charles Kroger: And she remarried her ex-husband?
Adrian Monk: I'm not sure I like where you're going here.
Dr. Charles Kroger: Didn't she sell her house?
Adrian Monk: Yes.
Dr. Charles Kroger: And she moved back to New Jersey?
Adrian Monk: Yes.
Dr. Charles Kroger: And she remarried her ex-husband?
Adrian Monk: I'm not sure I like where you're going here.
[Monk is in shock when faced with evidence that his wife Trudy faked her own death.]
Dr. Charles Kroger: Adrian, I'm not going to believe anything until I hear it from you. Is Trudy alive?
Adrian Monk: I don't know. But if it's true, then nothing is true. If this is true, nothing is true.
Dr. Charles Kroger: Adrian, I'm not going to believe anything until I hear it from you. Is Trudy alive?
Adrian Monk: I don't know. But if it's true, then nothing is true. If this is true, nothing is true.
[Monk is interviewing candidates for his new assistant.]
Nurse #2: What would my hours be?
Adrian Monk: Nine A.M....
Nurse #2: Until...?
Adrian Monk: Until one...
Nurse #2: One P.M.?
Adrian Monk: Until one of us dies.
Nurse #2: What would my hours be?
Adrian Monk: Nine A.M....
Nurse #2: Until...?
Adrian Monk: Until one...
Nurse #2: One P.M.?
Adrian Monk: Until one of us dies.
[Monk is investigating Natalie Teeger's house to figure what the two intruders who have broken into her house might have been after]
Adrian Monk: Is there money in the house?
Natalie Teeger: No.
Adrian Monk: What about the coffee can? Isn't that where you hide your money?
Natalie Teeger: How did you know that?
Adrian Monk: There's coffee grounds on the counter, indicating it's been opened recently. But you don't have a coffee maker.
Julie Teeger: [whispering] Wow, he's like Velma from Scooby-Doo!
Adrian Monk: Is there money in the house?
Natalie Teeger: No.
Adrian Monk: What about the coffee can? Isn't that where you hide your money?
Natalie Teeger: How did you know that?
Adrian Monk: There's coffee grounds on the counter, indicating it's been opened recently. But you don't have a coffee maker.
Julie Teeger: [whispering] Wow, he's like Velma from Scooby-Doo!
[Monk is late for dinner]
Sharona: So where is he, anyway?
Joe Christie: Last I saw, he was putting away boxes in the shoe department.
Sharona: He's putting boxes away?
Joe Christie: [laughing] Yeah...
Sharona: Oh, God. Maybe we'd better go ahead and start ordering now, you know?
Sharona: So where is he, anyway?
Joe Christie: Last I saw, he was putting away boxes in the shoe department.
Sharona: He's putting boxes away?
Joe Christie: [laughing] Yeah...
Sharona: Oh, God. Maybe we'd better go ahead and start ordering now, you know?
[Monk is looking for some evidence in a hardware store.]
Adrian Monk: It's a small pebble. It's about the size... of a... small pebble.
Adrian Monk: It's a small pebble. It's about the size... of a... small pebble.
[Monk is observing Dexter Larsen's room]
Adrian Monk: That's strange. Why would he need a mirror on the ceiling?
Sharona Fleming: Try not to think about that now.
Adrian Monk: That's strange. Why would he need a mirror on the ceiling?
Sharona Fleming: Try not to think about that now.
[Monk is on the phone with Michelle Rivas]
Adrian Monk: That used to be my nickname, Mr. Punctuality.
Michelle Rivas: In college?
Adrian Monk: Kindergarten.
Adrian Monk: That used to be my nickname, Mr. Punctuality.
Michelle Rivas: In college?
Adrian Monk: Kindergarten.
[Monk is patching up Benjy after he got into a fight at school.]
Adrian Monk: What's a wedgie?
Benjy Fleming: It's when you pull a kid's underwear all the way out of his pants.
Adrian Monk: When I was a kid they called it something else.
Benjy Fleming: What?
Adrian Monk: An "Adrian."
Adrian Monk: What's a wedgie?
Benjy Fleming: It's when you pull a kid's underwear all the way out of his pants.
Adrian Monk: When I was a kid they called it something else.
Benjy Fleming: What?
Adrian Monk: An "Adrian."