M*A*S*H quotes
576 total quotesColonel Hersh: You got a stethoscope any place?
Hawkeye: WE'RE A MEDICAL UNIT!!!
Hawkeye: WE'RE A MEDICAL UNIT!!!
Colonel Spiker (about Hawkeye): No respect for the uniform.
Potter: Well, he's never in it anyway.
Potter: Well, he's never in it anyway.
Colonel Wortman: That's not a teddy bear?
Radar: Uh, yes, sir. Regulations against having the real kind.
Radar: Uh, yes, sir. Regulations against having the real kind.
Colonel Wortman: What did he die of?
Trapper: Myocardial infarction.
Colonel Wortman: What does that mean?
Hawkeye: It means his pearl-handled pistols are up for grabs.
Trapper: Myocardial infarction.
Colonel Wortman: What does that mean?
Hawkeye: It means his pearl-handled pistols are up for grabs.
Corporal Owens: I don't want to go back to the fighting.
BJ: Sounds serious. You may be coming down with mental health.
BJ: Sounds serious. You may be coming down with mental health.
Duk: Can I get you something, sir?
Henry: You bet. I'm dying for a banana daiquiri.
Duk: Is that a drink?
Henry: Sure. You just take some bananas, some rum and some cream, and you mix it all in a blender.
Duk: We got no bananas, no blender, and powdered cream.
Henry: Okay, I'll have a beer.
Henry: You bet. I'm dying for a banana daiquiri.
Duk: Is that a drink?
Henry: Sure. You just take some bananas, some rum and some cream, and you mix it all in a blender.
Duk: We got no bananas, no blender, and powdered cream.
Henry: Okay, I'll have a beer.
Duk: One Shirley Temple.
Frank: I've been dying for one of these all day. [drinks] That's very good...
Duk: Kwang Duk, sir.
Frank: That's a cute name.
Duk: We're a cute people.
Frank: I've been dying for one of these all day. [drinks] That's very good...
Duk: Kwang Duk, sir.
Frank: That's a cute name.
Duk: We're a cute people.
Flagg: It all depends on HQ.
Henry: HQ.
Flagg: Why did you say HQ? Whoever told you about HQ?
Henry: Well, you told me, Colonel Flagg.
Flagg: Who's Colonel Flagg?
Henry: HQ.
Flagg: Why did you say HQ? Whoever told you about HQ?
Henry: Well, you told me, Colonel Flagg.
Flagg: Who's Colonel Flagg?
Flagg: My orders are to do whatever it takes to break up this penicillin ring, and I have written permission to die in the attempt!
Flagg: You are very smart, Freedman.
Hawkeye: I told you.
Flagg: You're only saying Chandler flipped out so I will have you busted and you can return to your safe cozy civilian practice.
BJ: He's on to you, Sid.
Flagg: You're not smart, Freedman, you're dumb, very dumb! But you met your match in ME!
Hawkeye: I told you.
Flagg: You're only saying Chandler flipped out so I will have you busted and you can return to your safe cozy civilian practice.
BJ: He's on to you, Sid.
Flagg: You're not smart, Freedman, you're dumb, very dumb! But you met your match in ME!
Frank Burns: Your conduct in there was not only unbecoming an officer, it was equally reprehensible as a medical man!
Hawkeye Pierce: Frank, I happen to be an officer only because I foolishly opened an invitation from President Truman to come to this costume party. And as for my ability as a doctor, if you seriously question that, I'm just gonna have to challenge you to a duel.
Trapper John Mcintyre: Swords or pistols?
Hawkeye Pierce: I was thinking specimen bottles at twenty paces.
[watching Henry Blake leave the 4077th by helicopter]
Hawkeye Pierce: Frank, I happen to be an officer only because I foolishly opened an invitation from President Truman to come to this costume party. And as for my ability as a doctor, if you seriously question that, I'm just gonna have to challenge you to a duel.
Trapper John Mcintyre: Swords or pistols?
Hawkeye Pierce: I was thinking specimen bottles at twenty paces.
[watching Henry Blake leave the 4077th by helicopter]
Frank Burns: [spotting Hawkeye browsing through his personal shelf] What are you doing up there?
Hawkeye Pierce: I just wanted to borrow your Bible, Frank.
Frank Burns: Since when are you two interested in the Bible?
����Trapper John' McIntyre: I peeked at the end, Frank. The Devil did it.
[simultaneously] Radar O' Reilly/ Henry Blake: Yes Sir?/ Radar
Hawkeye Pierce: I just wanted to borrow your Bible, Frank.
Frank Burns: Since when are you two interested in the Bible?
����Trapper John' McIntyre: I peeked at the end, Frank. The Devil did it.
[simultaneously] Radar O' Reilly/ Henry Blake: Yes Sir?/ Radar
Frank (after seeing the garbage dumped on the Colonel): I had dreams like this all through puberty!