M*A*S*H quotes
576 total quotesBJ: Corporal Klinger's a corpsman. He's a good soldier. He'd prefer to be a good civilian, toward that end he dresses, uh--
Hawkeye: In dresses.
Colonel Carmichael: Bucking for a Section 8?
Potter: The man does his job; I'll give him that. I'm not saying I'd want an entire company of Klingers.
Hawkeye: Unless, of course Christian Dior attacks Pearl Harbor.
Hawkeye: In dresses.
Colonel Carmichael: Bucking for a Section 8?
Potter: The man does his job; I'll give him that. I'm not saying I'd want an entire company of Klingers.
Hawkeye: Unless, of course Christian Dior attacks Pearl Harbor.
BJ: Do you know how to make a cow say "ah"?
Hawkeye: Not without getting emotionally involved.
Hawkeye: Not without getting emotionally involved.
BJ: Do you, Chuck Emerson Winchester III, take this lovely if gullible young woman as your un-lawful, un-wedded un-wife?
Charles: I undo.
BJ: And do you, Donna Marie Parker Winchester the Third, take this pickled amnesiac as your un-lawful, un-wedded, un-hubby?
Donna Marie: I undo, too.
BJ: Now with the power invested in me by the state of intoxication, I pronounce you man and woman. You may now ignore the bride.
Charles: I undo.
BJ: And do you, Donna Marie Parker Winchester the Third, take this pickled amnesiac as your un-lawful, un-wedded, un-hubby?
Donna Marie: I undo, too.
BJ: Now with the power invested in me by the state of intoxication, I pronounce you man and woman. You may now ignore the bride.
BJ: Don't do anything I wouldn't do.
Hawkeye: What don't you do?
BJ: I'll think of something.
Hawkeye: What don't you do?
BJ: I'll think of something.
BJ: Frank, weren't you a Boy Scout?
Frank: Yes. I was. Later, I was Scoutmaster.
Hawkeye: Until those little ingrates set fire to his pants.
Frank: Not true. That was a drill.
Frank: Yes. I was. Later, I was Scoutmaster.
Hawkeye: Until those little ingrates set fire to his pants.
Frank: Not true. That was a drill.
BJ: Hawk, I never thought I'd use this word in a negative manner, but you're depraved.
Hawkeye: Well what do you expect? I come from the land of the free and the home of depraved.
BJ: No self-respecting nurse is going to have anything to do with that [ad].
Hawkeye: That's what I'm counting on.
Hawkeye: Well what do you expect? I come from the land of the free and the home of depraved.
BJ: No self-respecting nurse is going to have anything to do with that [ad].
Hawkeye: That's what I'm counting on.
BJ: He'll be walking back here in about an hour.
Hawkeye: He'll be WALKING back?
BJ: The only thing gassed up in that jeep was US!
Hawkeye: He'll be WALKING back?
BJ: The only thing gassed up in that jeep was US!
BJ: Hey, hey, hey. Listen to this. (reading from newspaper) Blue movie banned in Boston.
Hawkeye: What?
BJ: "The Moon Is Blue, starring David Niven, William Holden, and Maggie McNamara has been banned from local theaters due to its suggestive nature. "
Hawkeye: Philistines. They said the same thing about Babette Meets the Fleet.
Charles: Gentlemen, uh, before you unleash your libidos, bear in mind: Boston would have banned Pinocchio.
Hawkeye: What?
BJ: "The Moon Is Blue, starring David Niven, William Holden, and Maggie McNamara has been banned from local theaters due to its suggestive nature. "
Hawkeye: Philistines. They said the same thing about Babette Meets the Fleet.
Charles: Gentlemen, uh, before you unleash your libidos, bear in mind: Boston would have banned Pinocchio.
BJ: Minding my own business is a full-time job. In my spare time, it's my hobby. I can't divide myself emotionally. I couldn't break my word to Peg, and not because God will send me to Hell without an electric fan or because it's not the right thing to do. I simply don't want to.
Hawkeye: You've got a lot to learn about messing up your life.
Hawkeye: You've got a lot to learn about messing up your life.
BJ: My aunt once talked to the spirit of Sigmund Freud.
Frank: That's impossible!
BJ: Then how come he sent her a bill?
Frank: That's impossible!
BJ: Then how come he sent her a bill?
BJ: One sure test of good oatmeal is that you can't fill your fountain pen with it.
Mulcahy: What the oatmeal lacks in solidity, the coffee more than makes up for.
Hawkeye: When you haven't had much sleep, there's nothing like a good cup of coffee that you can really sink your teeth into.
Mulcahy: What the oatmeal lacks in solidity, the coffee more than makes up for.
Hawkeye: When you haven't had much sleep, there's nothing like a good cup of coffee that you can really sink your teeth into.
BJ: Sergeant, you can't drink this early in the morning. I know, I keep trying.
BJ: Some guys shoot themselves in the foot to get sent back home.
Klinger: Not me. I'd ruin a perfectly good pair of nylons.
Klinger: Not me. I'd ruin a perfectly good pair of nylons.