Sergeant Maxwell: If there's ever anything I can do for you, let me know.
Hawkeye: How about arresting this war for disturbing the peace?

Sergeant Pernelli: Last call for my mouthwatering turkey.
Charles: The bird that gave its life so that others might be ill.

Sergeant Zale: I know a lot of state capitals. I'll show you. Ask me the capital of Cleveland!

Sergeant (showing Hawkeye, BJ and Radar his tattoo): The Marine emblem, Semper Fidelis.
BJ: Latin for "always faithful".
Hawkeye: Well, I'd want to meet the girl first.

Sidney (to Klinger): You're a tribute to man's endurance. A monument to hope in size 12 pumps. I hope you do get out someday. There would be a battalion of men in hoop skirts right behind you.

Sidney: Captain, is it true that God answers all prayers?
Chandler: Yes. Sometimes the answer is no.

Sidney: Freud said that there is a link between anger and wit. Anger turned inwards is depression. Anger turned sideways is Hawkeye.

Sidney: Major.
Charles: Hiya.
Sidney: First time I've seen you in your summer uniform.
Charles: This is the real me.
Sidney: Sorry to hear that.

Sidney: Sign this, soldier.
Klinger: What's it say?
Sidney: It says that I have examined you and found you to be a transvestite and a homosexual.
Klinger: I ain't any of those. Where do you get off calling me that?
Sidney: I think I got the idea from your cleavage.
Klinger: Listen, all I want is a Section 8. You know what you can do with this.
Sidney: Hey soldier. You forgot your purse.

Sidney: Some patients insist on dying, Hawk. You knew that going in. But you had to be a doctor.
Hawkeye: I didn't have a choice, it's all ever I cared about, all I ever wanted to do. Sometimes I think I'd be more useful as a cocktail waitress.
Sidney: You haven't got the legs for it.

Sidney: When Pierce and Hunnicutt lose one, he's out of his misery. When I lose one, I've lost a mind.
Mulcahy: When I lose one, I've lost a soul.

Simmons: I'm sorry for being so young.
BJ: That's all right, you'll grow out of it.

Soldier: Am I all right? I can't feel anything in my legs.
Charles: Try to hang on. We're going to get you to a MASH unit and they'll patch you up just fine.
Soldier: I don't know if I can, Doc. I feel real weird.
Charles: Just stay with it.
Soldier: Doc?
Charles: Hm?
Soldier: You still there?
Charles: Sure.
Soldier: I can't see you, hold my hand.
Charles: I am holding it.
Soldier: I can't feel it. Oh God, I'm gonna die.
Charles: Can you hear me?
Soldier: Yes.
Charles (crying): What is happening to you? Can you feel anything? See anything? Please, I have to know. What is happening to you?
Soldier: I smell bread.
Charles: I don't understand.
(soldier dies)
Season 10

Soldier: My boots. All he wanted was my lousy boots. His feet were freezing. I'd have done the same thing. He was just a guy like me, and I shot him and I killed him, for a pair of boots.
Potter: You know, sometimes I think there should be a rule of war saying you have to see someone up close and get to know him before it's OK to shoot him.
Soldier: How can I wear these again? How can I ever put on a pair of shoes without thinking of that guy?

Trapper John: Henry, that suit is really you.
Hawkeye: If you're Adolphe Menjou.