Potter: Listen, it's too big a world to be in competition with everybody. The only person I'm out to beat is who I am right now. And in your case, that's tough enough.

Potter: Listen, Radar, I guess you realize I'm kinda fond of you. Lord knows I've never met a soul I could depend on more, but above all that, you've been a damn good friend. Well, friend, it's time we said goodbye. Time you got on with your life. You've come as far as you can go here. You've earned your wings... now you've gotta fly.

Potter: Major, you were kind, courteous, and every bit the gentlemen. What do you have up your sleeve?
BJ: Perhaps a gun. Does a Winchester carry a Deringer?
Hawkeye: It seems unlikely.

Potter: Now why the devil would I scribble my John Hancock 47 times?
Klinger: Ah, you were sleepwalking sir. I didn't want to wake you. I thought it might be dangerous.
Potter: Probably would've been. Thanks for clearing that up for me Corporal. By the way...you put too much swoop on the T.

Potter: Now, Radar, watch this, this'll be a real dozy.
Radar (watching Sonia Henie spin): Oh, boy, how does she do that without throwing up.

Potter: Oh, Pony Pucks

Potter: OK, I got something to tell you and I don't want to hear so much as a titter, a snicker, or a guffaw, from anyone.
Hawkeye: You hear that, Charles?
Potter: The subject of this meeting is... the Army. (pause) So far so good. I have been directed to address you on the possibility of making the Army your career.
(Hawkeye, Charles, and BJ begin laughing)
Charles: Army... Career...
Hawkeye: I'm sorry; if I held that in, my teeth would have exploded.
BJ: Come on, you gotta be kidding.
Charles: Gentlemen please it's impolite to laugh at the senile.
Potter: What'd he say?
BJ: Loss of hearing is the first sign.

Potter: Okey-dokey?
Charles: Colonel, I...
Potter: Say "okey-dokey," Major.
Charles: Okey...dokey.

Potter: Pierce, before the Major tells me to tell you to shut up, shut up.

Potter: Sergeant, I've told everyone else, I'll tell you. The 4077th is out of blood! We're squeezin' turnips here! All my personnel have donated at least twice, and Dracula couldn't find a quick snack around these parts!

Potter: Sometimes when a man's anxious to stick out a glad hand, it's because he's got something up his sleeve.

Potter: Sorry to break up this pow-wow, boys, but Bossie says it's time to call the cab.
Hawkeye: You get her up on the table and I'll hold her hand.
BJ: Does anyone know where I can find a cigar that says, "It's a heifer"?
Potter: You coming, Winchester? I bet a city fella like you hasn't had a chance to see this before.
Charles: I've also never had the opportunity to swim in a barrel of live squid.

Potter: That's bribery!
Charles: No! That is the American way. Survival of the richest!

Potter: That's one way out this man's army.
Klinger: I always thought of it as That Man's army.

Potter: We all know when the Good Lord passed out paranoia, Frank Burns got on line twice.
Hawkeye: Three times; and the third time, he denied ever being in line!