Mulcahy: I do believe people are essentially good, but sometimes you have to put them in a half-nelson to get them to cough up.

Mulcahy: I had to give a girl the brush-off!
Hawkeye: (stunned): Would you mind repeating that? I think the sun was in my ears.

Mulcahy: I have a good mind to baptize you both, in dirty water.

Mulcahy: I wish you'd given me this two-day notice a couple of weeks ago.

Mulcahy: I'd have to confess to myself, and I can be very harsh.

Mulcahy: Just as the Lord said to Noah, "Everything in pairs."
Hawkeye: Of course the Lord was holding three aces at the time.

Mulcahy: Look at this place, it's a den of iniquity.
Charles: Ah, don't think of it as a den, Father, think of it more as a rec room.

Mulcahy: My Hebrew is a little rusty, but it gets the point across.

Mulcahy: Speaking as one whose ancestors were factory workers and who like roller derby and a good brew, do I understand you to say that if you can't be better that me, then there's no point in living?
Charles: Well, don't take it personally, Father.
Mulcahy: Why should I take it personally? By the way, did I ever tell you about the time I was thrown out of the seminary dorm for snoring?
Charles: Uh...
Mulcahy: The truth of the matter is you're not superior to any of us whether you snore or not.
Charles: Shh!
Mulcahy: And at times like this, I'm not even sure you're equal.

Mulcahy: This isn't one of my sermons. I expect you to listen!

Mulcahy: We've got a villager whose house collapsed around him and a young boy who chased his frightened livestock into a minefield.
Margaret: Dear God.
Mulcahy: He's been alerted.

Mulcahy: What time is it in Iowa?
Charles: 1882.

Mulcahy: You know, you'd make a fine priest.
Hawkeye: Ah, thanks Father, I don't think it would work out. Besides, the only Latin I know is Xavier Cugat.

Newsome: (after walking out of OR and going into the tent): The blood won't come off. No matter what I do it just stays there. See? Never gonna go away. No matter how many times I wash or how much I scrub it's gonna stay there. Where do they come from? What do they expect me to do? I cant. I cant.

PA Announcement: Attention all personnel. Attention. Tonight's movie is Kansas City Confidential. This will be of special interest to anyone who missed it when it was shown every night this month.