M*A*S*H quotes
576 total quotesMargaret: Oh, Sweden! Oh, I've always wanted to visit Sweden. I hear the scenery is so... tall.
Margaret: Well I did everything I could and I'd do the same thing all over again. There is no reason to put myself and everybody else through hell to satisfy some crazy notion that good is never good enough.
Margaret: Well, Doctor, as much as I hate to admit it, you ran that siege pretty well.
Hawkeye: We were great for half a staff. Damn that Hunnicutt, where is he? Technically, he's AWOL, you know. I could throw the book at him.
Margaret: I don't believe what I'm hearing! Since when did you join the army?
Hawkeye: Since it was left to me.
Margaret: If only Frank Burns could see you now! It's not so easy to play the clown when you have to run the circus, is it?
Hawkeye: We were great for half a staff. Damn that Hunnicutt, where is he? Technically, he's AWOL, you know. I could throw the book at him.
Margaret: I don't believe what I'm hearing! Since when did you join the army?
Hawkeye: Since it was left to me.
Margaret: If only Frank Burns could see you now! It's not so easy to play the clown when you have to run the circus, is it?
Margaret: Why was he in my shower?
Hawkeye: Isn't it obvious?
Mulcahy: Not to me.
Hawkeye: Isn't it obvious?
Mulcahy: Not to me.
Margaret: You all know what day this is. Friday the 13th.
Frank: She's right, and--nah, doesn't mean a thing.
Hawkeye: Don't say that, Frank. I once spent Friday the 13th in a haunted house with a friend. I was never more frightened in my life.
Potter: You see a ghost?
Hawkeye: No, her husband materialized out of nowhere.
Frank: She's right, and--nah, doesn't mean a thing.
Hawkeye: Don't say that, Frank. I once spent Friday the 13th in a haunted house with a friend. I was never more frightened in my life.
Potter: You see a ghost?
Hawkeye: No, her husband materialized out of nowhere.
Margaret: You're drunk!
Henry: [slurring] That's a dirty lie. And I intend to press charges. The minute I'm sober.
Henry: [slurring] That's a dirty lie. And I intend to press charges. The minute I'm sober.
Margaret: [Trapper is knocking on Margaret's door, Margaret and Frank are eating a stolen ham] Who is it?
Trapper: The heat inspector!
Frank: You can't come in!
Hawkeye: Then we'll huff, and we'll puff, and we'll blow your nurse down!
Trapper: The heat inspector!
Frank: You can't come in!
Hawkeye: Then we'll huff, and we'll puff, and we'll blow your nurse down!
Military Policeman: I'm looking for a Colonel Sherman Potter.
Father Mulcahy: He's over there: the one drinking with two hands.
Father Mulcahy: He's over there: the one drinking with two hands.
Moody: When I was a kid, I used to fight all the time when people put me down. I believed what they said about me. Not any more. I've been up on the line. I had the guts to go out there and drag 'em back to the aid station. No one's gonna get me again with any verbal abuse because I got something guys like that will never have - self-respect.
Mulcahy (after finally receiving his captain's bars): This experience has taught me a valuable lesson. The meek may inherit the earth but it's the grumpy who gets promoted!
Mulcahy: (to Col. Potter) Well, look on the bright side. When we're told we must do our time in purgatory, we can all say "No thanks. I've done mine."
Mulcahy: B.J, I hate to interrupt you in mid-debauch, but I'd like a word with you.
Mulcahy: Good morning, Major. If you don't mind me saying so, hubba hubba.
Margaret (voice hoarse due to laryngitis): Charles. (bangs table when he ignores her)
Charles: Well, Margaret. Can't you just say good morning as civilized people do?
Margaret: (grunting and miming)
Charles: It is not my idea of breakfast fun to play charades.
Margaret; (more grunting)
Mulcahy: Uh, Doctor, I believe you are being paged.
Margaret: (more grunting and miming)
Charles: May I at least finish my Wheaties? (Margaret drags him out of the mess tent) Margaret, what is wrong?
Margaret (voice hoarse due to laryngitis): Charles. (bangs table when he ignores her)
Charles: Well, Margaret. Can't you just say good morning as civilized people do?
Margaret: (grunting and miming)
Charles: It is not my idea of breakfast fun to play charades.
Margaret; (more grunting)
Mulcahy: Uh, Doctor, I believe you are being paged.
Margaret: (more grunting and miming)
Charles: May I at least finish my Wheaties? (Margaret drags him out of the mess tent) Margaret, what is wrong?
Mulcahy: Heavenly Father, we thank Thee for seeing us through this day, and ask for Thy divine help for tomorrow.
Hawkeye: Same time, same station.
Hawkeye: Same time, same station.