Margaret (walks into Potter's office along with Mulcahy and Hawkeye): You wanted to see us sir?
Potter: Not really but it's the only way I can talk to you.
Hawkeye: What's this about Colonel?
Potter: Glad you asked. I'm a very busy man so I'll make this short and sweet. Lieutenant Harris dropped by this morning, had a little surprise for me. A request for an immediate transfer.
Mulcahy (Knowing he is the cause): Oh dear.
Potter: Naturally I thought she wanted out because she couldn't take a bath but that wasn't the reason. So I said "What is the reason?" And she said "I made a big fool of myself and the whole camp knows it." So I said "Well I don't know it." And she said "I'm surprised Pierce didn't tell you."
Hawkeye (Confused): What?
Potter: So I said "Why are you dropping this in my lap when you should be talking to your head nurse?" And she said "The head nurse hates me."
Margaret: I do not hate her.
Potter:So I said "Back up a bit. What is it you did that got everybodie's tongue wagging except mine?" And she said "I had an unhappy love affair." So I asked "Was it one of my doctors?" And she said "No. It was your priest."
Mulcahy (After hearing the story): Colonel you must understand she's very upset.
Potter: That's what she said. She was so upset she's giving up on Med School. I didn't even know she was going to Med School.
Mulcahy: She musn't give up.
Potter: Now look folks this is none of my affair so why don't we keep it that way. The woman's got only a few weeks left in this man's army. A transfer would be a waste of good red tape so here's what your gonna do. (Points to Hawkeye) You stop talking about her. (Points to Margaret) You stop hating her. (Points to Mulcahy) And you stop dating her.

Margaret: [following Hawkeye's "toast"] I too have a toast. Here's to Captains Pierce and McIntyre. To their all-night binges. To their secret nurse ceremonies. To their planting of microphones in sleeping bags. To their childish switching of names on latrines. All of which goes into my special report to General Mitchell, which culminates in a detailed account of your Thanksgiving "Come As Your Favorite Nude Pilgrim" party.

Margaret: All right, now I need the post-op patient status report for April 11.
Charles: Well, I haven't the foggiest idea where that would be.
Margaret: Well, look under P.
Charles: Post-op under P? That is the one place I know it won't be. We must not labor under the delusion that these were filed by another homo sapien; the last ones I found were under G, for "Getting Better."
Margaret: Just what do you suggest we do?
Charles: Burn the damn place down and take a tax loss.

Margaret: Captain Pierce! Major Burns, acting Commander, and I, his adjutant, have been informed that you and Captain McIntyre refused to release Colonel Flagg's prisoner.
(silence)
Hawkeye: Meanwhile, Aunt Martha, having taken a tramp in the woods, is lying in a ditch at the edge of town.

Margaret: Continental breakfast.
Hawkeye: Continent of Atlantis.
Margaret: Huh?
Hawkeye: That's the one that sank.

Margaret: Did you ever once show me any friendship? Ever ask my help in a personal problem? Include me in one of your little bull sessions? Can you imagine how it feels to walk by this tent and... [gasps and breaks down] hear you laughing and know that I'm not welcome? Did you ever offer me a lousy cup of coffee?
Nurse: We didn't think you'd accept.
Margaret: Well, you were wrong.

Margaret: How do you manage to keep it [hair] so beautiful?
Brandy Doyle: Oh, simple...I give it the night off. (takes off her wig)

Margaret: How would you like to be married to a skunk, Father?
Mulcahy: My religion forbids it.

Margaret: I got some 3-0 silk for you Dr. Winchester. I noticed you were running low.
Charles: I shall always cherish this moment.
Margaret: Well, Charles, what are friends for?
Charles: Friends? If pressed, I would say that you and I coexist. Now can we skip ahead to the inevitable small favor that you are going to ask?
Margaret: Well, now that you mention it, I got this new record player and I don't have anything to play on it.
Charles: I do. And you still don't.

Margaret: I'm just as much a major as any other major. You'll notice these leaves come in gold, not pink for girls and blue for boys.

Margaret: It never fails to astonish me. You're alive, you're dead. No drums, no flashing lights, no fanfare. You're just dead.

Margaret: Look out teeth, look out gums, look out liver, here she comes!
Charles: Civilization in Korea.

Margaret: Maj. Winchester what is that?
Charles: That is a floor which astonishingly enough I am sweeping.
Margaret: Plaster will not be sweeped off the floor. It has to be scrapped off with a razor.
Charles: Winchesters do not shave floors.
Margaret: Do Winchesters heal quickly?

Margaret: Make sure no one goes into my tent.
Radar: I wouldn't do that, Ma'am.
Margaret: SOMEBODY does.
Radar: Maybe it's rats.
Margaret: You think RATS have been trying on my undies?
Radar: Some of them rats are weird.

Margaret: Maybe we should talk to her for a second.
Frank: That only puts another dollar in the bank of permissiveness.