M*A*S*H quotes

576 total quotes


Hawkeye: There's no Jeep here, Radar, there's only a whole lot of here, here.

Hawkeye: This must be the tent that made Milwaukee famous.
Season 11

Hawkeye: Three hours ago, this man was in a battle. Two hours ago, we operated on him. He's got a fifty-fifty chance. We win some, we lose some. That's what it's all about. No promises. No guaranteed survival. No "saints in surgical garb." Our willingness, our experience, our technique are not enough. Guns and bombs and anti-personnel mines have more power to take life than we have to preserve it. Not a very happy ending to a movie. But then again, no war is a movie.

Hawkeye: Trapper was a man ahead of his time. Right, Margaret?
Margaret: He was a ridiculous, juvenile child.
Hawkeye: See?

Hawkeye: We have an old saying in America: Get out.

Hawkeye: We have four rifles here and one of them is a reading lamp.

Hawkeye: We're 3 1/2 minutes over! Damn it!!
BJ: Maybe the hypothermia bought us some time.
Hawkeye: Yeah, on the other hand, maybe it didn't.
BJ: Hawk, we saved his life.
Hawkeye: Yeah, well I guess that's something.
BJ: It's more than something, it's everything.

Hawkeye: We're a bunch of pediatricians. Oh, except for you, Frank.
Frank: Oh? And what am I?
Hawkeye:Don't rush me, I'm still thinking about it.
Margaret: Clumsy oaf.
Hawkeye: No prompting from the studio audience.

Hawkeye: We've been getting double-talk in triplicate.

Hawkeye: We've just heard that General Eisenhower's gonna run for president... what some guys won't do to get out of the army.

Hawkeye: Well I don't blame her, Father, I think you're as cute as the dickens.

Hawkeye: Wendell, another word for "gooks" is "people."

Hawkeye: What does Kyong Soon mean?
Kyong Soon: It means bright and obedient. But my father used to tease me. I'm not very obedient.

Hawkeye: Who does he think he is, The Merchant of Korea?
BJ: Stop crying, it's just a pound of flesh.
Hawkeye: A pound of flesh, my butt.
BJ: Wherever.
Hawkeye: What do you think the sentence is for firing an officer out of a Howitzer?
BJ: 190 years, if you're a first offender.

Hawkeye: Who's yours from, Trap?
Trapper: My five-year-old. Or my wife has started writing in crayon.