M*A*S*H quotes
576 total quotesHawkeye Pierce: Sorry, baby.
Margaret Houlihan: That's Major to you!
Hawkeye Pierce: Sorry, Major baby.
Hawkeye Pierce: That's a woman all over.
����Trapper John McIntyre: Best place for them to be.
Margaret Houlihan: That's Major to you!
Hawkeye Pierce: Sorry, Major baby.
Hawkeye Pierce: That's a woman all over.
����Trapper John McIntyre: Best place for them to be.
Hawkeye Pierce: What does everybody want here? What do these people want more than anything else?
����Trapper John McIntyre: To go home or to Tokyo, whichever comes first.
Hawkeye Pierce: What do they really want?
����Trapper John McIntyre: Sex!
Hawkeye Pierce: Ah!
����Trapper John McIntyre: Except for those baseball perverts.
����Trapper John McIntyre: To go home or to Tokyo, whichever comes first.
Hawkeye Pierce: What do they really want?
����Trapper John McIntyre: Sex!
Hawkeye Pierce: Ah!
����Trapper John McIntyre: Except for those baseball perverts.
Hawkeye Pierce: What's this?
Radar O' Reilly: Weekend passes for the raffle.
Hawkeye Pierce: When did he sign these?
Radar O' Reilly: When he thought he was ordering a ton of ice cream. Fudge ripple
Radar O' Reilly: Weekend passes for the raffle.
Hawkeye Pierce: When did he sign these?
Radar O' Reilly: When he thought he was ordering a ton of ice cream. Fudge ripple
Hawkeye Pierce: Ya know we gotta do it someday. Invite all the jokers from the north and the south for a cocktail party... Last man standing on his feet at the end wins the war!
Hawkeye Pierce: [describing Lt. Dish] a girl with a face that doesn't quit. A girl with so much body she should be continued on the next girl.
Lt. Dish: Hawkeye I'm trying to be faithful. How many times must I tell you I'm engaged?
Hawkeye Pierce: I'm engaged too, think of me as a dress rehearsal.
Lt. Dish: A girl can only take so much.
Hawkeye Pierce: Are we anywhere near that part yet?
[Margaret and Frank are watching Hawkeye and Maggie Dish through binoculars]
Lt. Dish: Hawkeye I'm trying to be faithful. How many times must I tell you I'm engaged?
Hawkeye Pierce: I'm engaged too, think of me as a dress rehearsal.
Lt. Dish: A girl can only take so much.
Hawkeye Pierce: Are we anywhere near that part yet?
[Margaret and Frank are watching Hawkeye and Maggie Dish through binoculars]
Hawkeye (about breakfast): This looks familiar.
Trapper: I once cut that up in med school.
Trapper: I once cut that up in med school.
Hawkeye (about Charles): He's the only American who landed in Inchon with traveler's checks.
Hawkeye (about the man Father Mulcahy punched): He's got good footwork, but he's weak in the clinches. My money's on you for the rematch.
Hawkeye (after Charles takes a swig of the liquid in his hair restorer bottle): Charles, you're drinking your hair!
Charles: Don't be ridiculous. This is twelve-year-old Scotch. You don't think I'd keep it in the original bottle with you petty larcenists around, do you?
Hawkeye: Eugggh!
BJ: What, what?
Hawkeye: I've been drinking from his Scotch bottle!
Charles: Don't be ridiculous. This is twelve-year-old Scotch. You don't think I'd keep it in the original bottle with you petty larcenists around, do you?
Hawkeye: Eugggh!
BJ: What, what?
Hawkeye: I've been drinking from his Scotch bottle!
Hawkeye (after Henry's first loud megaphone message): One more like that and you and I will have interchangeable parts!
Hawkeye (as Frank, in his wedding film, is about to cut the wedding cake): Watch the cake die of malpractice.
Hawkeye (hearing an explosion): Is today the Fourth of July?
Margaret: September.
Hawkeye: Just a wild hope.
Margaret: September.
Hawkeye: Just a wild hope.
Hawkeye (passing out letters): Here's one in crayon, must be for Charles.
Charles: I have no need to write letters to communicate with children. I have you for that, Pierce.
Hawkeye: That is an insult and you'll answer for it at recess.
Charles: I have no need to write letters to communicate with children. I have you for that, Pierce.
Hawkeye: That is an insult and you'll answer for it at recess.
Hawkeye (referring to his prisoner of war package): Father, why?
Mulcahy: Oh, according to the Geneva Convention, each prisoner is entitled to this package. You have a razor, toothpaste, soap, six aspirin, a wash cloth, and four Oreo cookies.
Hawkeye: Father, that's for a prisoner of war. I'm one of ours.
Mulcahy: In the eyes of the Lord, a prisoner's a prisoner.
Hawkeye: Well, thanks. And in your prayers, thank the big fella for me.
Mulcahy: Oh, MacArthur had nothing to do with it.
Mulcahy: Oh, according to the Geneva Convention, each prisoner is entitled to this package. You have a razor, toothpaste, soap, six aspirin, a wash cloth, and four Oreo cookies.
Hawkeye: Father, that's for a prisoner of war. I'm one of ours.
Mulcahy: In the eyes of the Lord, a prisoner's a prisoner.
Hawkeye: Well, thanks. And in your prayers, thank the big fella for me.
Mulcahy: Oh, MacArthur had nothing to do with it.
Hawkeye (speaking to a pregnant Korean woman): By the way, I'm a doctor and I can tell you for certain that you're pregnant. And we know what causes that nowadays too.