Malcolm in the Middle quotes

227 total quotes



All Seasons  Season 1  
Season 2
 



Patty (about Francis): He was so nice, and so cute.
Reese: Yeah, I'm a lot like him.
(Malcolm rolls his eyes)

Patty (to Malcolm; on the phone with Francis) Francis? Is that Francis? Tell him it's Patty Henderson from 8th grade algebra.
Malcolm (to Francis): Patty Henderson says hi!
Francis: Oh, my God! Patty Henderson is your babysitter?!?!
Patty: Let me talk to him. Hi!
Francis: Don't let her... Hi... Patty!

Patty: Hungry?
Malcolm: I don't know what I am.

Reese [about Dewey's purse]: Dewey, you're wearing an invitation to an ass-kicking!

Reese [about Dewey]: Hehe. He's cute! I hate him for being cute!

Reese [to Dewey]: Dewey, I don't think you understand. Boys like me, we look at things like this. We see normal boy, Normal boy, and boy with the purse. Which one do you think we are going to hit?
Dewey: Is one of them fat?
Reese: It doesn't matter! That boy will be fat everyday. But the boy with the purse, he might not wear it again!

Reese [to Dewey]: You, sitting around with your big eyes and your dopey voice. I have to resist hugging you myself.

Reese [to Malcolm]: Relax. Everyone will think Josh is a thief. His parents will be tied up in court, and Emily will be thrown into a foster home where she'll bite her foster parents, who will leave her at the side of the road, and she can spend the rest of her life biting hillbillies on the interstate.

Reese [to Malcolm]: You look so adorable. You know what I like about medieval week is that you can spot the Krelboynes from super far away and they jingle when you hit them.
Hal (coming out of the shower): Reese, leave your brother alone. (to Malcolm) Although you are asking for it.

Reese [to Malcolm]: You missed a great assembly. I can't believe it. They actually gave us fruit to throw at the Krelboynes. What were they thinking?
Malcolm: Don't you ever get tired of making their lives miserable?
Reese: Nope. Beside, I want them to remember who's boss when they're living in their mansions with their supermodel wives. They're gonna know the guy cleaning their pool kicked their ass.

Reese [while throwing rocks at Dewey]: I'm trying to protect you!

Reese: Does anyone want my baked potato? It's kind of burnt.
Hal: Reese, we didn't have any baked potatoes.
(Reese looks down and sees a bat on his plate)
Everyone (screams): Aggggghhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!

Reese: Happy thoughts, happy thoughts, puppies, ice cream, fat people falling over.

Reese: I'm lost. (Francis punches Reese) OW!
Francis: That's how Mom feels... on the inside.

Reese: I'm sick of being a bully. It's creepy.