Invader Zim quotes

263 total quotes



All Seasons
 Season 1   Season 2  



Ms. Bitters: Children, your performance was miserable. Your parents will all receive phone calls instructing them to love you less now.
School Children: Awww...

Ms. Bitters: Dib, you will not leave school grounds until all this mess is cleaned up. [Ms. Bitters hands Dib a tiny sponge]
[Dib spots a bigger sponge floating in the goo from Zim's pimple, Dib points at it]

Ms. Bitters: Don't forget that tonight is Parent Teacher Night. Everyone is required to bring their parents to the cafeteria.
Zim: I never agreed to attend this Parent Teacher Night!
Ms. Bitters: Yes, you did.
Zim: No! You lie! [makes wild scratching motions with his arms] YOU LIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!
[Ms. Bitters puts a disc into a computer. The chalkboard slides down revealing a screen showing Zim]
Ms Bitters: [on video] Zim, are you going to bring your parents to Parent Teacher Night?
Zim: [on video, not paying attention] Yeah, sure, whatever.
[Zim looks up at a ceiling-mounted video camera]
Zim: Why would you tape that?

Ms. Bitters: Now open up your textbook and begin memorizing the copyright information. You will be quizzed on this.
Zim: Ms. Bitters, I have a [yells] MIGHTY NEED... to use the restroom once again.
Ms. Bitters: Okay, but that's your last bathroom break for the rest of the school year.

Ms. Bitters: The candidates will now speak. And then be quiet! And then I go away from you all.
Zim: As president, I will assure that all mankind has its legs sawed off!
[silence]
Zim: [nervously] And, uh, replaced with legs of pure gold!
[The students smile approvingly]
Zim: Yes! And I will grant you the power to fire lasers from your heads!
The Letter M: I like gold!
Morla: I like my head!

Ms. Bitters: Zim!
Zim: [saluting] Sir!
Ms. Bitters: There's a pigeon on your head. You've got head pigeons. Get to the nurse before they spread to the other children!
Zim: Yes, Ms. Bitters.
[Zim walks towards the door]
Ms. Bitters: No leaving class without a hall pass, Zim.
Zim: Of course...
[Zim walks to Ms. Bitters' desk. She puts a collar around his head. It shrinks around his neck]
Ms. Bitters: If you leave skool grounds, it will explode.

Ms. Bitters: Zim, the machine says that the only career you are suitable for is-
Zim: Yes, yes! Lord of humans! I will rule you all with an iron fist!
Ms. Bitters: No, Zim. The machine has assigned you a career in fast food preparation.
Zim: Then I will prepare food with my iron fist! Then I will work my way up to ruling you all with my fist! [to Melvin] You! [shakes fist in Melvin's face] Obey the fist!

Ms.Bitters: Class, today's horrible lesson is about something horrible. Open your horrible textbooks to page 2038.

Mutant: Pweeeease? For the childwen!
Mr. Grout: [voice only] We'll buy your candy! We'll buy your candy!

Nik: Look at that, binary system. That's a pair of stars orbiting around each other. You ever been to a binary system?
Oog-ah: No.
Nik: Would it kill you to say something?
Oog-ah: Quiet or I'll eat your head. Is that enough words for you?

Police Radio: Be on the look out for a giant mobile home rampaging through the downtown area.
Cop 1: Can mobile homes rampage?
Cop 2: Must be one of them new ones.

Policeman Squid: I want to thank you. That was quite an adventure. The car wreck, the library fight and then, the galactic space battle that happened on the way to this beach.
Zim: Yes, yes, very nice. Now into the ocean with you, where you can tell no one of these things.
Policeman Squid: I'm coming home! [Runs into the water]
GIR: Goodbye! Goodbye! Goodbye! Goodbye! Goodbye! [Happily to Zim] ...he's getting eaten by a shark.

Prof. Membrane: [on a video monitor] Kids, I'm glad we could have this dinnertime recording together. Now, Gaz, if you could just put that can of beans in the proton oven! Be sure to take them out of the can or the explosion will destroy all human life!
[Gaz puts the unopened can in the proton oven, but the power goes out]
Gaz: Dib!
Dib: Sorry, Gaz! Just doing a few adjustments on Tak's ship!
[The power comes back on. Gaz adds two more cans then starts the oven. The bottom blows off in a small explosion]
Gaz:That didn't wipe out all life as we know it?!? You lied to me, Dad!

Prof. Membrane: As we all know, every source of energy requires fuel. So, I got to thinking, why has no one invented a power source that needs no fuel? Why?!?!?

Randome kid:Whoa,check out his eyeball
Dib:The eyeball of and alien invader!
Zim:LIES!LIES!Have you not heard of pinkeye?!? It is a normal human illness.
Zita:Yeah,Pinky got it really bad last week.