Gossip Girl: Whoever thought monarchy was dead didn't realize it just changed zip codes. So, what will it be, Nate? Blair Waldorf's hand or your father's head?

Gossip Girl: Why is it that friends of Serena van der Woodsen have to search for her suitor? Have fables fallen so out of fashion that Princesses have to do everything themselves? Call us old school, but sometimes the Fairy Tale ending requires the Knight to get off his ass and saddle up his steed.

Gossip Girl:Spotted -- Lonely Boy's rude awakening. Upper East Side Queens aren't born at the top. They climb their way up in heels, no matter who they have to tread on to do it.
Gossip Girl: This just then, S and B committing a crime of fashion. Who doesn't love a five fingers discount, especially if one of those fingers is the middle one... Everyone knows you can't choose your family but you can choose you friends. And in a world ruled by bloodlines and bank accounts, it pays to have a pal. As much as a BFF can make you go WTF, there's no denying we'd all be a little less rich without them. And Serena and Blair? They do best friends better than anyone. No, that's not a tear in my eye, it's just allergies. Without you, I'm nothing. Gossip Girl

Hazel: It's kinda hard to party after the gay bomb drops.

Jenny: Let's play a game.
Chuck: I'd say strip poker, but I don't have any cards.

Jenny: The question is, how are you?
Dan: Me? Why wouldn't I be okay?
Jenny: At the end of the night with Serena and the... [She imitates his wave]
Dan: Was it really that bad?
[It cuts to a flashback to the previous night in the taxi]
Serena: So, this is me. So, uh... good night.
Dan: Yeah, uh... good night.
[Serena exits the taxi]
Jenny: Ugh! Go! Walk her to the door! Something! Go!
[He's about to exit when he hits his head on the door]
Dan: Uh, I think I have brain damage.

Jenny: Wow, these dolls are great. Oh my God, you have Cabbage Patch! My brother used to have one of these, his name was Cedric.
Blair: [Snorts] Your brother's name is Cedric?

Lily [to Serena]: Oh, don't put your dirty package on the table.
Chuck: If I had a dime for every time I've heard that...
[Erik chuckles at Chuck's comment]

Lily: So where are you taking my daughter this evening?
Dan: [Sarcastically] Well, I thought we'd do a tour of New York underground. You know, go visit my friends, the mole people?

Lily: There's nothing wrong with having Chinese food on Thanksgiving.
Serena: What?!
Lily: Jews have been doing it on Christmas since forever. Look, a pumpkin! It's festive, yes?
Serena: We're gonna eat a pumpkin?

Lily: Where do you think you're going?
Serena: I can't talk right now Mom, I'll explain later.
Lily: If you invite an old friend to our quiet family dinner, I expect you to stay and eat.
[Georgina walks in the room]
Lily: You know how I'd always love it when Georgina came around.
Georgina: I ran into Lily in the lobby. You totally forgot to tell Lily I was coming for dinner.
[Serena and Georgina have an awkward friendly hello kiss]
Georgina: Did you get my present?
[Georgina grins while Serena fakes a smile and realises that Georgina is up to something]

Nate: [About his mom] She wants me to give Blair her ring.
Chuck: What? You guys broke up.
Nate: Yeah, I know. I mean, wait, how did you know?
Chuck: Predictably, your ex ran the old, uh, grill-the-best-friend play.

Nate: Hey, so, I may have told Blair you told me the truth about her and Chuck. And I'm sure she didn't applaud to that. Look, you don't know what you're dealing with here.
Jenny: I'm not scared of Blair, Nate.
Nate: No, I'm not talking about... I'm talking about your new circle. I mean, they've been friends with Blair since forever and look what they're doing to her! You fall out of line, what do you think is going to happen to you?
Jenny: Well, then, I won't fall out of line.
Nate: I'm not saying you're going to... Look, just, you're not like those girls, Jenny.
Jenny: That's weird, Nate. You'd think they're my friends, so we'd have some stuff in common.
Nate: Okay. Well, I will give you this - you've got good aim.

Nate: I just don't get it. I organized everything the way she likes it. I mean, I even made sure my bow tie matched her dress.
Chuck: Like the book says, "She's just not that into you."

Nate: Next time your sister's band is in town, I want front row seats.
Vanessa: [laughs] You don't strike me as a lesbian punk fan.
Nate: You know, I'm almost offended by how much you underestimate me, Miss Abrams.
Vanessa: You like punk?
Nate: Oh, I didn't hear you... You said punk? Because you had me at lesbian.
Vanessa: [laughs] Right. Didn't see that coming.