Brittany: [To Rachel] You look terrible. I look awesome.
(a toy falls off of Rachel's dress)
Kurt: And we have a jumper.

Brittany: [touching Jacob's hair] Your hair looks like a Jewish cloud.
Jacob: [to Finn after Rachel walks away in her 'Baby One More Time' outfit] What do you want for her? I'll give you anything. I'll give you my house! I'll kill my parents and I'll give you my house!

Brittany: [walks up to Santana with her laptop] Happy Valentine's Day.
Santana: You're giving me your computer for Valentine's Day?
Brittany: It's a playlist, with all of the songs that I hear in my head when I'm with you or when I'm thinking about you. I wanted to make you a CD for Valentine's Day, this is as far as I got without any help. Oh, and I made you a cover/ [shows Santana the album cover of the playlist, a picture of Santana hugging Brittany]
Santana: [smiles] Brittany, thank you.
Brittany: You're welcome.
Figgins: Teen Lesbians! I must see you in my office right now!
Santana: This is such bull crap! Why can't Brittany and I kiss in public, 'cause we're two girls?
Figgins: Please don't make this about your sapphic orientation.

Brittany: [walks up to Santana] Hey, you still pissed?
Santana: [holds up a voodoo doll] Do you think this voodoo doll looks enough like Rachel Berry to actually work?
Brittany: Come on, we can't be mad at Rachel forever.
Santana: Uh, yes we can. How could you possibly be so clam?
Brittany: I hated losing just as much as everyone but this year wasn't about winning for me.
Santana: Clearly, cause we got our asses kicked.
Brittany: Yeah.
Santana: Sorry. Was was it about?
Brittany: Acceptance. I know that all the kids in the glee club they fight and steal each others boyfriends and girlfriends and they threaten to quit like every other week. But weird stuff like that happens in families.
Santana: Yeah, well this a club. This not a family.
Brittany: OK well, family is a place where everybody loves you no matter what. And they accept you for who you are. I know I'm going to be a bridesmaid at Mike and Tina's wedding. And I'm going to be anxiously waiting just like everybody else to see if their babies are Asian too. When they find an operation to make Artie's legs work again, I'm going to be there for his first steps. I love them, I love everyone in glee club and I get to spend another year with the people I love. So, I'm good.
Santana: What about you and I?
Brittany: I love you Santana. I love you more than I've ever loved anyone else in this world. All I know about you and I is that because of that, I think any thing's possible.
[Santana smiles and hugs Brittany.]

Brittany: [when asked why she wasn't singing] There are so many lyrics!

Brittany: Because you're Lebanese and I'm bi-curious?

Brittany: Can I have a blue toothbrush?
Carl: I'll give you a hundred toothbrushes.
Brittany: Are you a cat?

Brittany: Coach Beiste didn't touch my boobs. Actually, I really want to touch her boobs.

Brittany: Did you see what Rachel was wearing today?
Santana': Oh, I know! She looked like Pippi Longstocking, but like, Israeli.

Brittany: Go Mercedes, go Mercedes, go! (smiles)
Mercedes: (sitting on Santa's lap) I've been a very good girl, Santa. I want a pony and a dolly that laughs and cries and...one of us smells like McDonald's.
Lauren: (sitting on Santa's lap) I want Puckerman to love me. He's a fox. And I want sweet potato fries.
Santana: (sitting on Santa's lap) I want bling. I can't be more specific than that. Okay hold up. Don't tell that's a roll of Certs in your pocket. (gets off)
Artie: (nodding)
Quinn: (sitting on Santa's lap) Do you have anything for stretch marks?
Sam: (sitting on Santa's lap) Chapstick. Lots of Chapstick.
Mike: (sitting on Santa's lap) I want Channing Tatum to stop being in stuff.
Tina: (sitting on Santa's lap) When does Asian Santa arrive?
Elf Lady: Next.
Brittany: (to Elf Lady) Just know, you have rights.
Santa: Ho, ho, ho.
Brittany: (sits on Santa's lap)
Santa: What's your name?
Brittany: Brittany. You've gotten really tan.
Santa: That's because in the North Pole there is a hole in the ozone.
Brittany: (laughs) You're amazing. I know you're really busy so I only want one thing for Christmas. (points to Artie) Do you see my boyfriend over there?
Artie: (waves)
Brittany': For Christmas, I want him to be able to walk. You can do that, can't you Santa?
Artie: (frowns)
Santa: (turns to Artie)
Artie: (shakes his head no)
Santa: Um...sure. I'm on it.
Brittany: Thank you Santa.
Artie: Now we're screwed.
Brittany: (hugs Santa)

Brittany: Hey.
Santana: [looks at Brittany then back to her locker]
Brittany: Can I ask you a question? We use to be really close and I really miss being your friend.
Santana: Still waiting for the question.
Brittany: Did I do something wrong?
Santana: No. Look, I don't know. Did you? All I know is you blew me off to be with Stubbles McCripplePants. That's fine. It's your loss. 'Cause now I get the chance to write an awesome heterosexual song about Sam that we're going to sing at Regionals.
Brittany: Wait, you're still dating Sam? But you told me you were in love with me.
Santana: I honestly don't know what I was thinking. Could you stop staring at me? I can't remember my locker combo.
Sue: Well well. If it isn't Tweedle Dumb and Tweedle Fake Boobs.
Brittany: You know you can't talk to us like that. You're not our cheer coach anymore.
Sue: I'm not anybody's cheerleading coach anymore.

Brittany: I do love you. Clearly you don't love you, as much as I do, otherwise you'd put that shirt on and dance with me.

Brittany: I don't understand the difference between an elf and a slave.

Brittany: I don't want to die yet. At least not until One Tree Hill gets canceled.

Brittany: I don't want to do Britney.
Kurt: Why no Britney, Brittany?
Brittany: Because my name is also Britney Spears.
[Everyone looks at her.]
Will: Wait, what?
Mercedes: What the hell is she talking about?
Brittany: My middle name is Susan. My last name is Pierce, which makes me Brittany S. Pierce. Brittany Spierce.