Kurt: Only the most talented member of Glee club - myself. When you're different, when you're special, sometimes you have to get used to being alone.

Kurt: Rachel and Jesse refuse to accept that all of us would rather die before we allow them to become the next Beyonce and Jay-Z.

Kurt: So go on. Hit me.
Karofsky: I believe I will.

Kurt: So they did by secret ballot! I'm one big anonymous practical joke.
With Rachel and Quinn:

Kurt: So what are you going to be for Halloween this year?
Brittany: I'm going as a peanut allergy.

Kurt: So, it's just like 'When Harry Met Sally'. But I get to play Meg Ryan.
Blaine: Deal. [pauses] Don't they get together in the end?
Kurt: [smiles and ignores the question]

Kurt: Sometimes I don't feel like we're The Warblers. I feel like we're Blaine and the Pips.

Kurt: Sometimes it's hard to appreciate what a good singer you are because all I think about is shoving a sock in your mouth.

Kurt: Sorry, uh, but if I wanted to sing about Jesus I'd go to church. And the reason I don't go to church is because most churches don't think very much of gay people. Or women. Or science.

Kurt: Sue told me that if she caught me even talking to one of Mr. Schue's kids, she'd shave my head! And I just can't rock that look. (All the kids laugh) Even Justin Timberlake is growing his 'fro back!

Kurt: Suzanne Somers says that skipping breakfast is suicide.

Kurt: Ten years from now, you'll be thinking about the friends you had and the ones you just tossed aside.

Kurt: Thank you Mercedes. Your voice is stunning but I don't believe in God... You've all professed your beliefs, I'm just stating mine. I think God is kind of like Santa Claus for adults. Otherwise, God is kind of a jerk, isn't he? I mean, he makes me gay and then he has his followers going around telling me it's something that I chose. As if someone would choose to be mocked every single day of their life. And right now I don't want a heavenly father, I want my real one back.
Mercedes: Look, Kurt, how do you know for sure? I mean, you can't prove that there's no God.
Kurt: You can't prove that there isn't a magic tea pot floating around on the dark side of the moon, with a dwarf inside of it that reads romance novels and shoots lightning out of its boobs, but it seems pretty unlikely, doesn't it?
Brittany: Is God an evil dwarf?
Quinn: We shouldn't be talking like this. It's not right.
Kurt: I'm sorry Quinn. But all you can believe whatever you want to, but I can't believe something I don't. I appreciate your thought, but I don't want?your prayers.

Kurt: The Fury?
Karofsky: That's the name of my fist.
Kurt: Well, with that level of creativity you could easily become assistant manager of a rendering plant.

Kurt: The future used to be such an abstract idea. And, the dream was enough, you know? Now the future has the nerve to show up and it's expecting us to do something and it's not interested in giving a lending hand.