Kurt: He's on Team Gay. No straight boy dyes his hair to look like Linda Evangelista circa 1993.
Mercedes: You're crazy circa 2010.

Kurt: Hello. I'm Kurt Hummel and I'll be auditioning for the role of kicker.

Kurt: Hello. Well, I guess we're all in the spirit of the season by now. Let me apologize for not introducing myself sooner. I'm Kurt Hummel, one of your hosts this evening. Thank you. And this is my, um��best friend and holiday roommate, Blaine Anderson.
Blaine: How do you do? Welcome to our bachelor chalet.
Kurt: We've also asked a few of our other special friends to drop by. But I hope they can make it over the mountains and through the woods in this dreary weather.
Blaine: Oh, come on, now, Kurt. You know if they get stuck in the snow, they can always hitch a ride on Santa's sleigh.
Kurt: Oh, you!
Blaine: Hey, it's true.
Kurt: Oh! Oh, I'm terribly sorry for keeping you standing outside, shivering on the porch. Please, come in. Please, come in. Watch your step. Come on now. Don't be shy. Please, come, come.
Blaine: Come right on in. Make yourself at home.

Kurt: Hey, You! I am talking you!
Karofsky: Girl's locker room is next door.
Kurt': What is your problem?
Karofsky: 'Scuse me?
Kurt: What are you so scared of?
Karofsky: Besides you sneaking a peak at my junk?
Kurt: Oh yeah, every straight guys nightmare that all us gays are secretly out to molest and convert you. Well guess what, hamhog? You're not my type.
Karofshy: Is that right?
Kurt: Yeah. I don't dig on chubby boys who sweat too much and are gonna be bald by the time they're 30.
Karofsky: [holds up fist] Do not push me Hummel.
Kurt: You gonna hit me? Do it.
Karofsky: [angrier] Don't push me!
Kurt: Hit me cause it's not gonna change the way I am. You can't punch the gay out of me more than I can punch the ignoramus out of you!
Karofsky: GET OUTTA MY FACE!
Kurt: You are nothing but a little boy who can't handle how extraordinarily ordinary you are!
Karosky: [kisses Kurt then attempts to kiss Kurt again and is pushed away] UGH! [leaves the locker room leaving Kurt shocked]

Kurt: How do you explain the constant irritation with you. It's because she's a girl.
Finn: I think it's the pregnancy hormones or something. They make her kinda nuts.
Kurt: It's enough to give up women all together.

Kurt: I can't go back to being terrified all the time. I jump up every time a locker slams shut. I flinch whenever I turn the corner. I don't feel safe at this school.

Kurt: I don't believe in denying who you are, but I don't believe in outing either.

Kurt: I don't doubt that you and Blaine would have a JOLLY good time, shopping at Burberry's and arguing who would make the best Rum-Tum-Tugger. But there's something you and Blaine will never have, and that's chemistry.

Kurt: I don't like you.
Sebastian: Fun. I don't like you either.
Kurt: I don't like the way you talk to my boyfriend, I don't like your smirky little meerkat face, I don't like your obnoxious CW hair. I'm on to you.
Sebastian: Let's get a few things straight, Blaine's too good for you, New Directions is a joke, and one of us has a hard luck case of the 'Gay Face' and it ain't me. Odds are by the end of the school year, i'll have Blaine and a Nationals trophy, and you'll have khakis and a Lima Bean apron and that gay face.
Kurt: You smell like Craigslist.

Kurt: I don't want you near me.

Kurt: I going to lose unless I pull a JFK.
Rachel: You're going to shoot Brittany?!

Kurt: I got written permission from the woman herself, Miss Rachel Berry.

Kurt: I have no criticisms. Go with God, Satan-- Santana.

Kurt: I have three gifts: My voice, my ability to spot trends in men's fashion and my ability to know when it comes from a bottle.

Kurt: I just realized we did the gay high five.
Rachel: [laughs] We did!