Wendell: What! How could you even say that? I'm a freakin' force of nature here. Pew! Pew! Pew! Pew--
Xander: Stop it! Stop it! Stop it! ::crash::
Wendell: Oh...I'll get you a new lamp.
Xander: Yeah, that was actually a sconce.
Wendell: Still though...
Xander: Yeah, it's just...I kind of spent a lot of time developing the Awesome X brand.
Wendell: Totally, yeah and it's understandable, you know, you're protective of it.
Xander: And I hate for you to go up there and...
Wendell: I get it.
Xander: ...get your fat ass handed to you.
Wendell: Wow.
Xander: Yeah.
Wendell: You just, ah...went ahead and put it out there.
Xander: Well...
Wendell: Muffin Top X!
Xander: Well...
Wendell: Just so you know, this armor does not protect my feelings.
Xander: Ok, you know what? Yeah, do it.
Wendell: Really?
Xander: Yeah, because either your dumb ass dies or you somehow manage to kill the unspeakable horror about to spew forth from my ex-girlfriend's womb.
Wendell: Um...
Xander: Cause ah, you know, big picture, child support...
Wendell: You gonna...
Xander: I'm not saying perform an abortion...
Wendell: Oh my god...
Xander: But, let's see if you can't stab that thing while it's still in her belly.
Wendell: Could maybe stab her in the belly if I had a machete.
Xander: Well...your words.

Wendell: You ever taken a dump and you throw up on your dick? (Sees the baby has eaten part of Antagone) Bad Cody II!
Wendell: (taking off his belt) We are about to establish some boundaries.

X-tacle #1: Come on, no sense mopin' around here all day.
Ronnie: Yes, have too many sad memories here. [Knocks over Nearl's wreath.] Also is messy.
X-tacle #1: Say we...treat ourselves, go do something fun.
X-tacle #2: Ooh, let's go to the illegal underground Chinese rabbit fights!
X-tacle #3: Oh...my...god!
X-tacle #2: What?
X-tacle #3: Let's get there this instant!

X-tacle #1: Has anyone got a prayer?
X-tacle #2: Oh! Uh... It's more of a limerick."

X-Tacle #1: Hey Ronnie, isn't that your rape wig?
Ronnie: Yes, is one of them.
X-Tacle #1: KILL HIM!
Drycleaner: You Know the Law!
Taqu'il: This is Chinatown!

X-tacle #1: I can't believe Xander Crews had a twin brother!
X-tacle #2: Yeah, until Ronnie shot him in the face.

X-tacle #1: If he is Awesome X, that means he's been lying to us all these years.
X-tacle #2: Yeah, which is...actually pretty uncool.

X-Tacle #1: Nearl?
Nearl: "Mr. Crews" will do nicely. Although I can't say the same for that winged collar.

X-Tacle #1: Oh My God I'm so friggin' sad!
Nearl: Yes! Here you go. [Hands X-Tacle a tissue]
X-Tacle #1: I'll take it thank you.
Nearl: But life in the hospital was a Picnic compared to Life on the Mean streets of...Town...
[Flashback]:
Nearl: ...But I want to stay forever living in the Hospital with you Mr. Ford!
Mr. Ford: Hospital closed Nearl.
Nearl: Uh Oh!
Mr. Ford: Now I gotta go and work in a damn Pet Store.
Nearl: I'd like that!
Mr. Ford: [Ignoring him] And you can thank Ron Reagan's ass for that! (He drives away)
Nearl: Thank you, Ronald Reagan. (Pauses to think) Your legacy is intact.
[Flashback Ends]:
Nearl: But thanks to you and your mysterious brain chemical, we shall savor the sweet nectar of revenge as we rise up, as one man, and DESTROY MY BROTHER, XANDER CREW--[Ronnie shoots Nearl in the head] Thanks, Ken! [Nearl falls over]
X-tacle #1: Ronnie!
Ronnie: What?
X-tacle #1: What is wrong with you!?
Ronnie: Hey, what? I do you favor.
X-tacle #1: This is why we can't have nice things! Thank you, Ronnie!
Ronnie: Look this is complicated enough without all this evil twin bullsh*t having.
X-tacle #1: You know, that is... actually, that's a pretty good point.
X-tacle #2: Good for you, Ronnie.
X-tacle #1: Yeah, it's complicated.
X-tacle #3: So, if Xander Crews really is Awesome X, then where is he?
[a fellow slave has given Killface a radish]

X-tacle #1: Okay, got the tuxedo shirt.
X-tacle #2: Uhh...what is that?
Nearl: Everybody is Ken!
X-tacle #1: What is what?
X-tacle #2: That!
X-tacle #1: It's the shirt.
X-tacle #2: Really. And is it me, or is it 1987? A winged collar. Are you...doing this?
X-tacle #3: What are...what's everybody doing?
X-tacle #2: No, that's great. Maybe you and Nearl...
Nearl: I'm Nearl!
X-tacle #2: ...your f*cking prom date can borrow your dad's f*cking time machine...
X-tacle #3: Please don't do this.
X-tacle #2: ...and fly it into the gym down there at I'm-a-jackoff High School...
Nearl: Everybody!
X-tacle #2: ...and slow dance to Lisa Lisa and motherf*cking Cult Jam!
Nearl: Lisa Lisa, the one I adore!
X-tacle #4: [running in] I think it's the Cult Jam.
X-tacle #1: [as Ed McMahon] You are correct, sir.
X-tacle #2: No, he isn't, nor is that collar!
X-tacle #3: Can we just fix the collar?
X-tacle #5: [at sewing machine] Oh, sure, why not? I'll just do it tonight while I'm missing another recital.

X-tacle #1: So...who's read Flowers for Algernon?
Nearl: Ken!
X-tacle #2: Oooh, about the kid with all the chains, and the goggles, and at the end he gets killed with a shotgun?
Xtacles #2, #3, #4: Boosh
X-tacle #1: That's Harrison Bergeron.
Xtacles #2, #3, #4: Hollywood Squares!
X-tacle #1: That's Tom Bergeron.
X-tacle #2: Brother of Menelaus!
X-tacle #1: Damn it, that's Agamemnon!

X-tacle #2: There once was a dead guy named Nearl. He rode around town on a squirrel. He said to the pig... I... don't actually have one.
X-tacle #1: Fantastic.

X-tacle #2: Did Awesome X seem kind of weird to you guys?
X-tacle #1: Probably just the mustache.
X-tacle #2: Yeah, mustaches are cool.
X-tacle #1, #2, #3: Magnum, P.I.!
X-tacle #4: Rick Simon! [The other X-tacles turn and look at him.] Also had a mustache.

X-tacle #2: Nearl... I'm gonna kill Babar.

X-tacle #2: That's not Crews, that's Nearl, the local retarded wino guy.
X-tacle #3: Yeah...right now. [Taps on the the car window, which Nearl rolls down] Hey, Nearl!
Nearl: I am Nearl!
X-tacle #3: You wanna make fifty bucks?
Nearl: Okay!
Shortly after Killface has grazed Xander's eyes with a shotgun, leaving them both blind and lost in the middle of the city.