[The title sequence from Sealab 2021 plays, but is cut in by Killface.]
Killface: Greetings America! I . . . am . . . Killface. Don't bother flicking your infernal remotes, I've taken over your airwaves. Now, I trust you're all comfy on your tacky sofas from Rooms-to-Go, lots of nibbles close at hand? Well, tuck in! And why not smoke between gobbles? Yes, go for the gusto America! Live like there's no tomorrow, because as far as you squallid lot are concerned, there very much isn't . . . . Behold! [camera switches views to a large contraption] The instrument of your doom! I call it: The Annihilatrix! And when it is completed, a million gigatons of thrust will propel the Earth, directly, into the Sun. So look upon my works ye mighty, and despair.....

Killface: And we're happy with this background?
[Dissention from the others]
Killface: It's not too Leno-y?
Trent: [enraged] If you want to be Leno-y, we can have you come down here, and you can do high fives! We could put a wig with a gray streak in your face! We can have you read off cuecards! We'll put Kevin Eubanks over there on guitar! [calms down] I shouldn't have said that.
[Killface shoots Trent, sending his severed upper body across the room.]
Brent: That was my twin brother!
Killface: [points the gun at the other two] I want it to be perfect.

Killface: Maybe we should ask Trent.
[Killface picks up Trent's severed torso like a ventriliquist's dummy]
Killface: So uh.. heard you went to the doctor and uh... he had a bit of bad news for you, is that right?
Killface: [moving Trent's mouth and imitating his voice] Yeah! Turns out I have termites.
[Killface turns to the others and smiles]

Killface: There's your twenty billion, Brent! Drink it in! The fusion chamber alone cost nine billion. The thrusters another four! You think there's just heaps of money left over for - WHAT DID YOU CALL IT?
Brent: Uh [clears throat] Media Buy.
Killface: MEDIA BUY!?!
Valerie: Please don't kill us!
Killface: Please don't make it so appealing!

[Killface is holding Brent by his legs at the top of the Annihilatrix, threatening to drop him]
Killface: [sighs] You see, Brent? We all have jobs to do.
Brent: Great, there goes my pen! Great!
Killface: My job is to complete the Annihilatrix and destroy mankind by driving this vile planet straight into the Sun [Brent interrupts].
Brent: Wait! I have another idea! Listen...
Killface: And your job is to market it.
Brent: Listen! No listen! We can get... Jason Alexander!
Killface: Great!
Brent: Yeah!
Killface: You can call him when you hit the ground!
Brent: Nooo! Wait, wait! I got another idea! Better than Jason Alexander! I got, uh...
Killface: Don't say David Arquette to me!
Brent: I wo... well now that you say that I'm not going to.

[Killface is examining Annihilatrix DVD]
Brent: ...Any standard DVD player.
Killface: Or any uhh... "PC", it says here?
Brent: Yes, any Personal Computer with DVD capabiliti-
Killface: GREAT SCOTT!!
Valerie: [Screams out in panic]
Brent: What?
Killface: [Laughs], "PC"...
Brent: What?
Killface: ...Stands for "Personal Computer"... I just this moment got that... VALERIE!!!
Valerie: [Screams in panic again]
Killface: It's alright if you want to laugh.
[All three are silent]
Valerie: [Nervous laugh]
Killface: Good girl.

Brent: [to Killface] You fucking kidnap us, right, you drag us up here, ya shit on every strategy we come up with - and by the way, that web promotion was tiiiiiight, but the bottom line is, you don't have the fucking budget to run with the big dogs! Now, do you! (begins making barking noises).
Killface: [scoffs] Are you finished?
Brent: Yeah. Yeah, I'm sorry
[Kills Brent the same way he killed Trent]
Killface: Look, Trent. I've made you a playmate. Say "Hello". Good lad.

Killface: [calling out] Sinn!
[Sinn enters the room]
Killface: If you would, please draw a bath for our lovely guest here. And please get this place decorpsed

Killface: [to Simon] We can't ever go back to Arizona!

Killface: [watching Taqu'il on TV], Can't watch tellie for five seconds without seeing that jibbering hooligan and here I am reduced to ... post cards, the dry hump of marketing strategies.

Stan: It's time you learned how to run a business, and the first thing you're gonna do is fire the Xtacles.
Xander: But the Xtacles are the backbone of the Awesome-X fighting force.
Stan: They're also a $5 million annual drain on the company's bottom line.
Xander: Is that all you care about, the bottom line?
Stan: Yes.
Xander: Well, unless we all of a sudden lose $5 million somehow, I'm not firing my dogs... and I have to go ride in my limo.

[Grace Ryan is approaching the room where Xander is sleeping with a hooker.]
Grace: [opens door] What are you doing here?
Xander: [has put on the Awesome-X mask] Xan-uh, Billy- Xander Crews said I could use his place for this...
Grace: He-
Xander: ...hooker.
Grace: You know him?
Xander: We went to college together - no we didn't - get out of here. He will meet you at your place in an hour.

Hooker: Oh my God
Xander: I did not mean for her to see this
Hooker: Xander Crews
Xander: Lets go back to the big black thing.
Hooker: You're Awesome-X!

Stan: Five million dollars?!
Xander: Well, I had to pay her off. I can't have some blabbity-mouth hooker running around with my secret identity! That's the first thing they teach you.
Stan: Nobody cares about your secret identity!
Xander: It's to protect my loved ones.
Stan: You don't have any loved ones!
Xander: [gasp] Stan!
Stan: What, who? That girlfriend you treat like dirt? Your murdered parents?
[Quick shot of pictures of Xander's parents]
Stan: And you can say good-bye to the X-tacles.
Xander: Wh--What?
Stan: What what? You just spent their entire salary for the year.
Xander: See, I knew you were going to trick me into doing this!
Stan: Me?! You're the one who paid five million dollars for a blowjob!
Xander: I...it was a half-and-half, first of all; second of all...okay I'm going.

[Xander, as Awesome-X, has a conversation with the Xtacles.]
Xander: ...but the Crew Company funds the entire Awesome X operation. So, you know, take it up with Xander Crews.
Xtacle #1: Let's kill that son of a bitch!
Xtacles: Yeah!
Xander: No, no, let's don't--he's a good guy. We don't kill good guys. We kill bad guys, come on. It's in our charter
Xtacle #1: So, what's up with our 401(k)?
[Xander just turns his head and groans]
Xtacle #2: What--that's my nest egg! We're still gonna have health insurance, right?
Xtacle #1: Oh my God! Health insurance, I need that.
[Xander just clears his throat]
Xtacles: What?!
Xtacle #3: Are we at least eligible for COBRA?
Xander: What, the little... the G. I. Joe dolls?
Xtacle #2: No, not the G. I. Joe dolls.