(Cameraman's Phone): Ca-at Par-taay...
Camerman: Don't freak out. I'm turning it off.
Killface: Oh, my God. Is that "Cat Party"?
Cameraman: Yeah, the ringtone?
Killface: Here, put it on mine, please.
Cameraman: Has it got Bluetube on it?
Killface: No, you big, sloppy man. I just want "Cat Party."
Cameraman: No, Bluetube is-
Killface: Tell him to give me "Cat Party" or it's going to be talon party. At your face's house.

(Xander's Phone): Ca-at Par-taay...
Xander: Hang on. Go time.
Killface: "Cat Party." "Welcome to five months ago!"
Xander: Welcome to "shut up, I'm on the phone"!
Killface: I'm down with "Dog Party" now.
(Killface's Phone): Do-og Par-taay...

Antagone: Unhand it or suffer my wrath.
Killface: Now see here, woman. If anyone's wrath is going to be suffered, it's mine.
Antagone: It's not wise to antagonize Antagone!
Killface: I'm sorry, Auntie who?
Antagone: Antagone!
Killface: Was "Betty Bug Lady" already taken?

Antagone: Come, my chitinous friend. Your mistress summons you from the briny deep.
Watley: Ka-Kow!

Awesome X: [flying through air with Ronnie on his back] Quit grinding your fucking dick on me!
Ronnie: I cannot find comfort.
Awesome X: How about finding Killface's house?
Ronnie: Okay, but first, guess what.
Awesome X: What?
Ronnie: I feel like hobbit...on eagle.
Awesome X: Well, that's great, Ronnie...
Ronnie: Oh, Bilbo Baggins.
Awesome X: [fuel gauge on wrist reads empty] ...because now you guess what. [Both plummet to ground]

Awesome X: Just a damn minute, Mr. man, are you even Asian?
[Mao wipes away glasses and fake eyebrows]
Mao: Yeah, see, I kinda got this minority business loan.
[X-tacles cock and point guns at Mao]
Awesome X: Those loans are for non-threatening educated women of color.
Xtacle #1: Yeah, like maybe she wants to go into real estate.
Xtacle #2: Or maybe open up a beauty salon.
Xander: Screw it, shoot him.
Mao: Hey. Hey, whoa. Can't we work something out here. [slips him a postcard]
Xander: More. More. More, like a whole box more. And the villabouts of the whereain Kelly.
Xtacle #1: Whereabouts of the villain killface.
Xander: Did I say the villabouts of the whereain Kelly?
Xtacle #1: Yeah
Xander: 'Cause I've been doing that a lot lately. I wonder if it's a tumor.
Xtacle #1: I know a good cancer doctor.

Awesome X: We need to go warn Killface.
Ronnie: But why to help not only mortal enemy, but also political opponent?
Awesome X: Not that it's any of your business, but...I have no plausible explanation.

Brent: [to Killface] You fucking kidnap us, right, you drag us up here, ya shit on every strategy we come up with - and by the way, that web promotion was tiiiiiight, but the bottom line is, you don't have the fucking budget to run with the big dogs! Now, do you! (begins making barking noises).
Killface: [scoffs] Are you finished?
Brent: Yeah. Yeah, I'm sorry
[Kills Brent the same way he killed Trent]
Killface: Look, Trent. I've made you a playmate. Say "Hello". Good lad.

Camera Man: Excuse me!
[Camera zooms in on Xander, standing in the street, with a see-through pink shirt, and pink shorts. There is a pause.]
Xander:.....What?!

Camera Man: This is a documentary about Killface.
Xander: Killfa-[Scoffs]-is it called Check Me Out, I Suck? Guk-guk-guk [deapthroating sounds]

Camera Man: Well, it's been a year now-
Xander: A Year?! It's really been a whole year? What's today?
Camera Man: Thursday.
Xander: Oh my God, it has been a year.

Camera Man: Why couldn't you go to your girlfriend?
[Clip shows, of Grace Ryan standing outside her door with a pie.]
Xander: If I wanted to be smothered to death, I'd go back to the Xcalibur and fess up. If I go back to the Xcalibur and fess up, I'll be smothered to death. That's in our Charter.

Cameraman: So what's this now, some kind of calm before the weird berserker storm?
Grace: When I'm onstage at the Airport Radisson accepting my local Peabody, I'm not gonna mention any of you.

Carter: First question, both candidates--Article Two of the Constitution.
Xander: The what?
Killface: Um... [Lamont quacks]
Xander: Why does he get a spirit animal? I think my buzzer's broken!
Killface: Is that the one about tariffs?
Carter: No, it's the one that says you have to be at least 35 years old and a US citizen in order to be President.
Killface: Well, that can't be right. I'm not even a legal resident.
Xander: And I'm only 33.
Carter: So, follow-up--why are you idiots wasting everybody's time when you can't even be elected?

Carter: Immigration--why not have a massive pedestrian overpass to Canada?
[TV shuts off]
Xander: Man, I was gonna do a pedestrian overpass to Canada. I was gonna call it the "Spicspan."