Frasier: I asked Dad to get me a bran muffin. You know what he said to me? "What's the magic word?"
Niles: You're kidding.
Frasier: He didn't think it was very amusing when I said, "Rest home!"
Season 2

Frasier: I just don't think it's very smart to make rude gestures at other drivers.
Martin: He cut you off!
Frasier: That doesn't matter. You do not antagonise a man whose bumper sticker says: "If you're close enough to read this, I'll kill you!"
Martin: Big talk from a Volvo.

Frasier: I'm a humane man, but right now I could kick a kitten through an electric fan.

Frasier: Niles, if Dad and I get into a Winnebago, only one of us will come out alive. You've got to come with us!
Niles: Frasier, you're my brother. That entitles you to my bone marrow and one of my kidneys; but this is an imposition.

Frasier: Roz, why is it that whenever we try to have a serious discussion, we always end up talking about your sex life?
Roz: [smugly] Because I have one.

Frasier: Six months ago, I was living in Boston. My wife had left me, which was very painful. Then she came back to me, which was excruciating.

Frasier: Thanks, Niles. You are a good brother and a credit to the psychiatric profession.
Niles: You're a good brother, too.

Frasier: the rest of the show was pretty good. It was a good show, wasn't it.
Roz: Here, your brother called.
Frasier: Roz in the trade we call that avoidance. Don't change the subject. Tell me what you think.
Roz: Did I ever tell you what this little button does?
Frasier: I am not a piece of Lalique. I can handle criticism. How was I today?
Roz: Let's see. You dropped two commercials, you left a total of 28 seconds of dead air, you scrambled the stations call letters, you spilt yoghurt on the control board and you kept referring to Jerry with the identity crisis, as "Jeff".
[Pause]
Frasier: You say my brother called.

Frasier: The thought of a doctor selling things is kind of distasteful, isn't it?
Daphne: What about Dr Sneezy's cold medicine?
Frasier: Dr Sneezy is a cartoon character. The fact that he's a giant purple hippopotamus probably should have tipped you off.

Frasier: There's nothing wrong with Maris that wouldn't be cured by a little sun, some exercise and a personality.

Frasier: What we need is a good opening sentence. Something that will smack the reader right between the eyes, and then take him on a virtual roller-coaster ride of self-awareness and discovery.
Niles: Frasier, while you were over there, mixing metaphors like a Cuisinart, I've had a breakthrough.

Frasier: You know how hard it is to lie to someone's face.
Roz: Oh, no, it's easy for someone as bright and charming and articulate as you.
Frasier: Well, then, perhaps you're right.
Roz: See how easy it is.

Lilith: I was insane to divorce you!
Frasier: You're in my every waking thought!
Lilith: You're the only man I've ever loved!
Frasier: So are you!

Martin: Boy, you and Niles. It's been the same since you were kids. If one of you has something, the other one always has to have it, too. I had to buy two Balinese lutes, two découpage kits, two pairs of lederhosen. When you finally moved out of the house, that was one embarrassing garage sale.

Martin: I just need a comfortable place to park my fanny.
Frasier: How about Florida?
Martin: I heard that.