Father Ted quotes
185 total quotesFather Jack: (points at rabbits) Rats!
Father Ted: Yes father, we can see them as well.
Father Jack: Hairy Japanese bastards!
Father Ted: Yes father, we can see them as well.
Father Jack: Hairy Japanese bastards!
Father Jack: (to Bishop O'Neill) That would be an ecumenical matter.
Bishop O'Neill: Yes. I suppose it would! That's a good point Father.
Bishop O'Neill: Yes. I suppose it would! That's a good point Father.
Father Jack: [being attacked by a murder of crows] Feckin' feathered eejits! Gobshites, the lot of ya!
(Ted has just convinced Father Finnegan, the 'Dancing Priest', to loan him his car to show off as a 'raffle prize' in place of the wrecked car from Bishop Brennan. Ted holds the keys in front of Dougal)
(Ted has just convinced Father Finnegan, the 'Dancing Priest', to loan him his car to show off as a 'raffle prize' in place of the wrecked car from Bishop Brennan. Ted holds the keys in front of Dougal)
Father Jack: DRINK! DRINK! (after a few seconds of silence and staring directly at the camera, he breaks the fourth wall) FECK OFF!
Series 2
Series 2
Father Jack: They lie in wait like wolves. The smell of blood in their nostrils. Waiting. Interminably waiting. And then...
Father Dougal: He's right, Ted.
Father Dougal: He's right, Ted.
Father Jack:(Waking up) I'm a happy camper!
(Water leaks heavily from the roof and lands on Jack's head)
(Water leaks heavily from the roof and lands on Jack's head)
Father Jim Sutton: Why is it always the good ones? You BASTARD! (shakes fist to Heaven) He could've been Pope! No no no, he's dead Ted awww we'll never see him again!
Father Ted: We'll see him in the next world.
Father Jim Sutton: Oh yeah, sure!!
Father Ted: We'll see him in the next world.
Father Jim Sutton: Oh yeah, sure!!
Father Noel Furlong (on Ted and Dougal's strong bladders): Ye're like a bunch of camels!
Father Noel Furlong (on Tony Lynch): He wasn't like that last night when he crawled into bed at ten past the eleven!
Father Noel Furlong: [with only his hand visible] They were just going to find the tour operator, tell him I'm burried under a huge pile of rocks and be right back.
[cut to] :Aer Lingus staff: And that's four tickets to Paraguay.
[cut to] :Aer Lingus staff: And that's four tickets to Paraguay.
Father Noel Furlong: Oh God! He must have seen his reflection! He's not supposed to see his reflection! He doesn't know he's a priest!
Father O'Dwyer: Look, I'll have the money for you next week. Please, just one more chance that's all I ask, please. For Gods sake have some pity. I'm a priest!
Father Purcell: Oh they have you everywhere you know. I was in the AA there for a while, but the insurance was very expensive.
Father Dougal: Oh right (getting bored)
Father Purcell: I had to crash the car to get the money back and they had witnesses who said they'd seen me steer it towards the wall you know. There was talk of me going to jail for a while!! (Dougal gets up and walks off, he turns to the holy father) Ah its yourself!! (carries on rambling on to Him)
Father Purcell: Oh they have you everywhere you know. I was in the AA there for a while, but the insurance was very expensive.
Father Dougal: Oh right (getting bored)
Father Purcell: I had to crash the car to get the money back and they had witnesses who said they'd seen me steer it towards the wall you know. There was talk of me going to jail for a while!! (Dougal gets up and walks off, he turns to the holy father) Ah its yourself!! (carries on rambling on to Him)