[Father Jack is unwittingly attending an Alcoholics Anonymous meeting]
Ronald: At that stage, I was drinking over a pint of vodka a day.
Father Jack: YES!
Ronald: Yes. At that point, all I could think about was where the next drink was coming from.
Father Jack: DRINK!
Ronald: I didn't give a damn about my wife or kids.
Father Jack: Blehhhhh!

[last line of the episode; Richard Wilson has just arrived at the Parochial House, and Ted has answered the door]
Richard Wilson: I DON'T BELIEVE IT!

[Ted is dreaming of his new parish; a tropical island, where two of the natives have dragged him to the edge of a volcano as a human sacrifice]
Father Ted: Ah come on now, lads!
Native:Quetzacoatl, the Volcano God is angry! We must appease his wrath!
Father Ted: Volcano God, what nonsense! Look, I'll ask again, will you not give Catholicism another try?
Native: Nah, it wouldn't really catch on here. And sure, we don't agree with the Pope's line on artificial contraception; it's the 90s, for God's sake! [they throw Ted in]

[the priests are holding a competition to find out who should get the two parachutes on the plane]
Father Ted: Father Cave, do you want to go first?
Father Cave: I haven't written this down, because this comes from the heart. Father Gallagher, I've known you and been your friend for many years. And I think it's important to say, I love you. I love you more than anyone I've ever loved! I don't want the parachute, give it to him! [sits down and bursts into tears, while the other priests look taken aback]
Father Ted: R-right, well done, Father Cave. Father Fay?
[Fay stands up, clears his throat, then yells monkey-style gibberish while waving his arms around. The other priests look awed and clap admiringly]
Father Ted: Well, beat that! Joe?
Father Joe Briefly: I think I should get the parachute because I'm great. In fact, I think I should get both the parachutes, in case one of them doesn't work! [disapproving grumbles from the other priests]
Father Ted: Not a popular one, Joe. Father Flynn, what did you write?
Father Flynn: I haven't written anything, because I'm not really good at that type of thing. But I did a drawing.
Father Ted: Right, well, can we have a look?
[Flynn reveals the drawing; it shows himself naked from behind, while walking a dog]
Father Flynn: What do you think?
Father Ted: Well, er...
Father Flynn: It's me, in the nip, with a dog!
Father Ted: [bewildered] What... how... how does that help you win a parachute?
Father Flynn: What do you mean, parachute? I wasn't listening at the start, there. Why would I want a parachute?
Father Ted: The plane's in trouble, and there's a competition to see who gets a parachute.
Father Flynn: Ohh... [sits down, looking shellshocked]
Father Ted: Okay, er, Father Jack, you next. [there is no response. The priests look around, but Jack is nowhere in sight] Father Jack? Where's Father Jack?
Pilot: The parachutes! The parachutes have gone!
[we see Father Jack, standing at one of the aeroplane's doors; he has one of the parachutes for himself, and has strapped the other to the drinks trolley. He pushes the trolley out, then follows it]
Father Jack: [echoing] DRIIIIIIIIIIIIINK!

[Ted is attempting to place some bottles of wine in a bag without waking Jack. The bottles clink together. Jack wakes up.]
Father Jack: Drink!
Father Ted: No Father, it's just fizzy water.
Father Jack: Jacob's Creek chardonnay 1991!
Father Ted: You can tell just by the sound?