[A vampire breaks out of a grave and someone is seen standing over it]
Willow: That's right, big boy. Come and get it.
...
[after the vampire has escaped]
Xander: First of all, what was with the acrobatics? How did that happen?
Oz: Wasn't Andy Hoelich on the gymnastics team?
Xander: That's right, he was! [yells at Andy] Cheater! [turns back] Okay, and the, uh, second problem I'm having -- "Come and get it, Big Boy"?
Willow: Well, w-w-well, the Slayer always says a pun, or-or a witty play on words, and, I think it throws the vampires off! And, and it makes them frightened, because I'm wisecracking. Okay, I didn't really have a chance to work on that one, but you try it every time!
Oz: Uh, if I may suggest, "This time it's personal." I mean, there's a reason why it's a classic.

[A vampire knocks Buffy to the ground. Cut to Andrew in his "study."]
Andrew: Ouch! My goodness! Things look bad for the Slayer, don't they? She didn't see that second vampire, concealed by cover of darkness, ready--
[There's a knock at the door, which Andrew ignores.]
Andrew: ... ready to attack and make her his own vampirical spawn.
[Cut to the bathroom, where Andrew sits on the closed toilet, trying to continue his narration.]
Andrew: Let's rejoin them now to see--
[Suddenly, Anya barges in.]
Anya: For God's sakes, Andrew! You've been in here for 30 minutes. What are you doing?
Andrew: Entertaining and educating.
Anya: Why can't you just masturbate like the rest of us?

[After a vampire rolls down a slide in a playground...]
Buffy: Wow! That was really funny looking! Could you do it again?
Vampire: I'll kill you for that.
Buffy: For that? What were you going to kill me for before?

[after Buffy begins to hear people's thoughts]
Angel: And Buffy, be careful with this gift. A lot of things that seem strong and good and powerful, they can be painful.
Buffy: Like, say... immortality?
Angel: Exactly. I'm dying to get rid of that.
Buffy: Funny.
Angel: [deadpan] I'm a funny guy.

[After defeating Gachnar, Giles looks back at the small image of him in the book]
Giles: Bloody hell, the inscription!
Buffy: What?
Giles: I should've translated the Gaelic inscription beneath the picture.
Buffy: What does it say?
Giles: ... Actual size.

[After Willow and Harmony have signed each other's yearbooks.]
Willow: I'm going to miss her.
Buffy: Don't you hate her?
Willow: Yes, with a fiery vengeance. She picked on me for ten years. Vacuous tramp... It's like a sickness, Buffy. I'm missing everything. I miss P.E.!

[after Willow has transformed Amy from rat back to human]
Amy: Everything feels weird. I mean, it's like ... I felt like I was in that cage for weeks! [Willow looks nervous] But it can still be OK ... right? I-I can still get into the swing of things, like ... prom's coming up. I-I'm so hoping Larry would ask me. We would make such a splash at... [sees Willow's expression] Oh. Oh, God. [sighs, anxiously] He hasn't asked someone else, has he?
Willow: Uh, Amy ... three things we have to talk about. One, Larry's gay. [Amy stares] Two, Larry's dead. And three, high school's ... kinda over.
Amy: How long was I in the cage? [Willow is afraid to answer] How long?!

[amidst an argument between Buffy, Xander, and Willow]
Xander: Maybe that all changes when I'm off doin' sit-ups in Fort Dix!
Giles: Fort Dix? [begins to giggle hysterically]
Buffy: Are you drunk?
Giles: [finishes laughing] Yes, quite a bit, actually.
Buffy: Well, stop it!!
...
Buffy: You guys, stop this! What happened to you today?!
Willow: It's not today! Buffy, things have been wrong for a while, don't you see that?
Buffy: [perturbed] What do you mean 'wrong?'
Willow: Well, things certainly haven't been right since Tara. We have to face it, you can't handle Tara being my girlfriend...
Xander: No, it was back before that, since you two went off to college and forgot about me. Just left me in the basement to- Tara's your girlfriend?!
Giles: [from upstairs, still drunk] Bloody hell!

[Angel finds Buffy during patrol.]
Buffy: Hey. How are you?
Angel: I'm all right. I think I'm better than you right now. [indicates playground shrine] I heard about this. People are talking. People are even talking to me.
Buffy: It's strange. People die in Sunnydale all the time. I've never seen anything like this.
Angel: They were children. Innocent. It makes a difference.
Buffy: And Mr. Sanderson from the bank had it coming? My mom said some things to me about being the Slayer. That it's fruitless. No fruit for Buffy.
Angel: She's wrong.
Buffy: Is she? Is Sunnydale any better than when I first came here? Okay, so I battle evil. But I don't really win. The bad just keeps coming back... and getting stronger. Like the kid in the story, the boy that stuck his finger in the duck.
Angel: Dike. [Buffy looks at him.] It's another word for dam.
Buffy: Oh. Okay, that story makes a lot more sense now.
Angel: Buffy, you know there's still things I'm trying to figure out. There's a lot I don't understand. But I do know it's important to keep fighting. I learned that from you.
Buffy: But we never...
Angel: We never win.
Buffy: Not completely.
Angel: Never will. That's not why we fight. We do it because there's things worth fighting for.

[Angel gives Buffy a book for her birthday.]
Buffy: It's sweet and thoughtful, and full of neat words to learn and say like "wilt" and "henceforth."
Angel: Then why'd you seem more excited last year when you got a severed arm in a box?
Buffy: I'm sorry ... it's just, suddenly there's a chance that my calling's a wrong number ... it's just freaking me out a little.

[Angelus, Drusilla and some vampires bring the sarcophagus back to show Spike]
Spike: It's a big rock. Can't wait to tell my friends, they all don't have a rock this big.
Angelus: Spike, boy you never did learn your history.
Spike: Let's have a lesson then.
Angelus: Acathla, the demon, came forth to swallow the world. He was killed by a virtuous knight who pierced the demon's heart before he could draw a breath to perform the act. Acathla turned to stone, as demons sometimes do, and was buried where neither man nor :demon would want to look. Unless of course they're puttin' up low-rent housing. [to other vampires] Boys.
[two vampires open the sarcophagus]
Drusilla: He fills my head. I can't hear anything else.
Spike: Let me guess, someone pulls out the sword...
Angelus: Someone worthy.
Spike: ...The demon wakes up and wackiness ensues.
Drusilla: He will swallow the world.
Angelus: And every creature living on this planet will go to hell. My friends, we're about to make history... end.

[Anya is looking over the day's receipts]
Anya: Hey. Hey! HEY! HEY!!!
Giles: Anya, your "heys" are startling the customers.
Xander: And pretty much the state!
Anya: You sold somebody a Kohl's amulet and a Sobekian bloodstone!
Giles: Yes, I believe I did.
Anya: Are you stupid or something?
Giles: Allow me to answer that question with a firing.
Xander: She's kidding. An, we talked about the employee-employer vocabulary no-nos. That was number five.

[as the mist coalesces into Dracula, Buffy re-stakes him.]
Buffy: You think I don't watch your movies? You always come back.
[Dracula turns to dust again, but the mist begins to reform on the ground]
Buffy: I'm standing right here!
[The mist dissipates completely this time]

[As Xander wanders the streets in the rain, Anya recites a final version]
Anya: I, Anya, want to marry you, Xander, because... I love you, and I'll always love you. And, before I knew you, I was like a completely different person. N-not even a person, really. And I'd seen what love could do to people, and it was... hurt, and sadness. A-alone was better. And then, suddenly, there was you! And-and you knew me. You saw me. And it was this... thing. You make me feel safe and warm, so, I... get it now. I finally get love, Xander! I really do.

[At Giles' place. Riley pages through a spellbook.]
Riley: These spells, they really work? I mean, can you really turn your enemies inside out? Or... learn to excrete gold coins.
Anya: That one's not so much fun.
Willow: They work, Riley, but they take concentration. Being attuned with the forces of the universe.
Xander: Right, you can't just go librum incendere and expect --
[The book catches on fire; Xander closes it rapidly.]
Giles: Xander, don't speak Latin in front of the books.