Boston Legal quotes

442 total quotes



All Seasons  Season 1  
Season 2
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Catherine: Alan, I've been Schmidt-canned!

Chelina: God, the last time I saw you...
Alan: I believe it was a Sunday. Then I was taken off the air, you went off to do movies, I got switched to Tuesdays and...
Chelina: Here we are...with old footage.

Congressman Jacobs: Raymond Jacobs, you handled my first divorce 15 years ago. My wife's name was Lois.
Denny: I remember.
Congressman Jacobs: Why wouldn't ya. You slept with her.
Denny: Only after the divorce was final.

Congressman Raymond Jacobs: May I ask, Denny, how do you feel about gun control?
Denny: For Communists.
Congressman Jacobs: What about banning assault weapons in the private sector?
Denny: As soon as you say it's OK to ban assault weapons, my friend, even in the private sector, you make it easier to take guns away from hunting, then personal protection. Soon the military and the police are without firearms.

Courtney: Mr Crane? I need you to stop staring at me like that.
Denny Crane: Of course. Marry me.
Courtney: I beg your pardon?
Denny Crane: Your fifteen minutes are almost up. Mine has lasted a lifetime. [to Barry] Tell her.
Barry: Marry him.
Season 3

Daniel: [Discussing his cancer treatment with Denise] You wouldn't have wanted to see me. I was at least 7% less cute.

Denise: [eyes locked with Garrett] Garrett, I need you...to do some research.

Denise: [to Garrett] I could kiss you -- but I won't.

Denise: Have you ever actually tried a case?
Daniel Post: No, but I've always wanted to. Think of it as the Make-A-Wish foundation granting a dying kid his fantasies...if that kid were a rich guy in his forties.

Denise: The rich are different from you and me.
Paul: Certainly from you.

Denny Crane: Ah, Denise. Rodney King?
Denise: Rodney King. Uh, severely beaten by the police over ten years ago.
Denny Crane: See? You remember. Why? Branding! They didn't call him Rodney King: wifebeater, alcohol abuser, who swung a tire iron at a convenience store clerk. They called him Rodney King: a motorist, a motorist: Rodney King. Brings to mind images of a jaunty man riding hat in cap in a Model-T. That's what we want. Russell Blayney: American Homeowner. Not Russell Blayney: eats them broiled, baked or fried.

Denny Crane: Ahhh. I wish you and I were getting married. That's you and I. Both of us. To others. I'm not gay.
Alan: I heard you the first Freudian slip.

Denny Crane: Alright. What are we doing in Mexico?
Paul Schwimmer: That's where President Reagan first enacted the policy in 1984. He enacted it as a reaction to forced abortions in China as a means of population control.
Denny Crane: Chinese, Mexican�� [to jury] Who's getting hungry?

Denny Crane: Bev will be happy which makes me happy, which makes you happy. So really, Brad, you're doing this to make you happy.

Denny Crane: Brad's the best. I just made him partner.
Bev: Denny, I want reassurance.
Denny Crane: The man served in the Gulf War. The one that turned out okay. He was top of his class at West Point and Harvard Law School. I'd put my own life in his hands.