Jake Malinak: (first lines) Becker's here!
(three people run out the door as Becker comes in)
Dr. John Becker: What I like about this place is that anytime I walk in, there's always a seat.

Jake Malinak: Hey, Reg? You know how women are always trying to change guys? Now you got one that'll probably need changing every couple hours.

Jake Malinak: I know it's none of my business, but this Brad guy sounds a little young for you.
Regina "Reggie" Kostas: He's not that young.
Brad: Could you cut the crust off my sandwich?
Regina "Reggie" Kostas: Crust off. [gives thumbs up] Got it!

Jake Malinak: (accidentally pulls a fire alarm) Oh, I hate when I do that...

Jake Malinak: [shaking hands with Amanda] Ooh, you sound tall.
Amanda: You smell friendly. Why're we talking like this?
Jake Malinak: I'm blind.
Amanda: And yet you're still staring at my breasts!
Jake Malinak: Sorry, creature of habit.

Jake Malinak: Just caught a whiff of something strange from outside. Like a combination of exhaust fumes, hair tonic and really cheap cologne!
[Bob walks in]
Bob: Hello, wage slaves! Bob's back!
Jake Malinak: That explains it!
Bob: Long time no see! Kinda your life story, eh?
Jake Malinak: Times like this, I don't mind!

Jake Malinak: Revenge is a big part of your life, isn't it?
Dr. John Becker: You kidding me? It's the best part of waking up!

Jake Malinak: Wait a minute, this guy's really good-looking, isn't he?
Regina 'Reggie' Kostas: I could lick his face like a Dove bar.

Jake: I might be running into some health problems. You see, I met this girl who's into astrology, right? She told me--
Dr. John Becker: Astrology! Congratulations, Reg. Psychology just moved up a notch.
Regina "Reggie" Kostas: Becker, astrology goes back thousands of years.
Dr. John Becker: Thousands years ago, people were crapping in their hats.

Jake: Don't try sneaking a smoke, cause I already talked to Margaret and Linda. I have eyes everywhere.
Becker: You don't have eyes anywhere.

Jake: I didn't know Margaret drank. Then again, she does work for Becker!

Jake: I told you I don't wanna sell these.
Hector: You're not, they're selling themselves.
Jake: Get rid of them.
Hector: You don't want me to do that. Look how much money you made.
[Hector hands a big wad of money to Jake]
Jake: Hey, you know, I don't care. Listen, what I have on display up here reflects who I am, all right? And I want this to be one corner of the world where decent people can by and not be offended. So unwrap these magazines and put 'em down there.
Hector: What about your "corner of the world"?
Jake: Oh, my corner of the world is still gonna be pure. However, down there in Porn Town, that's where Jake pays the rent.

Judge Reinhold: Dr. Becker, I don't want to hear your voice again. Counselor, call your next witness.
Ruth: [pointing to Becker] It's him.

Linda: (about a patient's odd behavior; in sing-song tone) Mercury. Retrograde.
Dr. John Becker: It has nothing to do with that.
Linda: (sing-song) Suits yourself. There are two new patients waiting in your office.
Dr. John Becker: (sing-song) Stop that.
Linda: (sing-song) I can't.

Linda: (looking through a phone book) Locksmith, locksmith, lava lamps. Oh, I've been looking for one of those.