Man: You sure he's really a doctor? I mean, he's such an ass.
Regina "Reggie" Kostas: He's not just a doctor. He's a brilliant doctor. As far I as I can tell, that's his only flaw, otherwise he'd be a perfect ass.

Margaret Wyborn: [After Becker invites her into his apartment in his underpants] Either I'm early or this is a different kind of party!

Margaret: (on the phone) Can you come here right away?
Dr. John Becker: Who are you talking to?
Margaret: (on phone) No, I don't care how much it costs.
Dr. John Becker: Now I don't care who you're talking to. (hangs up)
Margaret: John, that was the exterminator! I want that thing out of here!
Dr. John Becker: Margaret, it's just a rat! Why do you hate it so much, anyway?
Margaret: Because, when I was a child, my father bought me a little dog--
Dr. John Becker: Oh, please, please. Is this going to be that urban legend story where the dog turns out to be a rat?
Margaret: No. This is my sixth birthday party where my dog was EATEN by a rat!
Dr. John Becker:... Beats pin the tail on the donkey, I guess...

Margaret: (sees all the boxes in the office) What the hell happened here?
Dr. John Becker: (long pause) Okay, here's the thing...

Margaret: Mrs. Cooper called at 11:00 last night. She didn't want to alarm us, but she wasn't sure she would make it through the night. 7:00 this morning, Mrs. Cooper called again. Apparently, she made it. 8:15, Mrs. Cooper called...
Dr. John Becker: She's here, isn't she?
Margaret: Room two.
Dr. John Becker: All right, give me the TV Guide. Let's see what we're dealing with.
Margaret: Already checked. There were two movies of the week last night. Lindsey Wagner had kidney failure and Patty Duke was going deaf. Usual bet?
Dr. John Becker: Fine. I'll take deafness, you've got renal shutdown. [Enters exam room] Mrs. Cooper, how are we doing today?
Patient: Excuse me, doctor. Could you speak up?
Dr. John Becker: (yells out to Margaret) Patty Duke!
Margaret: Damn!

Margaret: There's something crawling around inside the walls!
Linda: Oh, you know what? I'll bet it's a rat.
Margaret: I know it's a rat. I'm trying to find it so I can kill it!
Dr. John Becker: What's the big deal? He's probably just another rat here to make it on the great rat way.
Linda: It's such a difficult life for them. So much disappointment.
Dr. John Becker: (reading a lab report) Oh, my god.
Linda: No, no. Some make it.

Margaret: You're dealing with people, John. Sometimes you have to be a little tactful.
Dr. John Becker: I don't have time to be tactful, Margaret! Am I wrong, here? A guy's crossing the street, a bus is about to hit him, I yell at him to watch out!
Margaret: You keep yelling at me like that, I'm going to shove you in front of that bus, climb inside, get behind the wheel and back up over you again!

Margaret: [coming into Becker's apartment] Did you know it smells like cabbage out there!?
Becker: Yeah, it's the old couple at the end of the hallway. Either they cook sauerkraut every night, or they've been dead since Tuesday!

Margaret: [on the phone] I don't know. I don't know. I don't know.
[hangs up the phone and Becker walks in]
Margaret: What did you do?
Dr. John Becker: I don't know.

Margaret: I don't like to lie. It's wrong.
Dr. John Becker: Says who?
Margaret: The Lord!
Dr. John Becker: The Lord? Margaret, this is the Bronx. Believe me, he's not here.

Margaret: I have to leave early today.
Dr. John Becker: And leave me alone with Linda?

Margaret: Jake, you've got to see this.
Jake Malinak: I'm blind.

Margaret: Just for today, you are Beth.
Lynda: I don't like the name Beth.
Linda: I do, can I be Beth?
Lynda: I want to be Beth too.
Margaret: You can't both be Beth.
Linda: Why? We're both Linda.
Lynda: Let's pick our own names.
Linda: I want to be Margaret.
Lynda: No, I want to be Margaret.
Margaret: I want to be dead.

Margaret: So someone finally shot you.
Dr. John Becker: I always thought it would be you, Margaret.
Margaret: So did I.

Marvin Johnson: My brother told me if I see a girl naked then she's going to have a baby. Yesterday, I saw my cousin Francene naked. I don't have it big with her. She's mean.
Dr. John Becker: Well, they all are, kid.