3rd Rock from the Sun quotes

195 total quotes


Tommy: [about a movie Harry has seen] How was it? I heard there was an awesome shower scene.
Harry: Oh, yeah...but then this naked girl got in and you could barely see the shower.

Tommy: [about August] I don't understand her.
Sally: What's to understand? Kill her and get a new one.
Harry: Oh, no, you can't do that. You've got to get a new one and then you kill her.

Tommy: Harry, I need a ride.
Harry: Nope.
Tommy: You know, I outrank you.
Harry: In that case... no, sir!

Tommy: I've got to be in a regular school; one with metal detectors and pregnant cheerleaders.

Tommy: It's like watching Entertainment Tonight in Carnegie-frickin'-Hall!

Tommy: Okay, could you give me an example of what's funny?
August: I thought the movie Emma was very funny.
Tommy: What was so funny about it?
August: It was full of irony.
Tommy: Okay, so irony's funny?
August: Yeah, because you say one thing while the opposite is actually true.
Tommy: Oh, like when you said Emma was going to be a really great movie when it actually sucked out loud?

Tommy: People change for their lovers all the time. For example, I stopped wearing Old Spice and August stopped telling me to stop wearing Old Spice.

Tommy: Sally, they want you to appear on Good Afternoon, Rutherford.
Harry: That's my second-favorite show!
Dick: What's your first-favorite?
Harry: Good Morning, Rutherford.

Tommy: This ice cream is delicious.
Harry: [looking at the box] Actually, it's ‘sinfully delicious.' I would gladly go to Hell for a pint of this.

Tommy: We don't have cell phones; we're from Ohio!

Tommy: You work at the university.
Evil Dick: [smugly] Ah, so I run the university.
Tommy: Well, not so much run as teach a physics class.
Evil Dick: I'm a teacher? Were all the janitor's jobs taken?

Tommy: You're gonna be like some sort of alien Martin Luther King?
Harry: Exactly. Because I, too, have a dream. And in that dream I'm naked on a ferris wheel.

Tommy: [pointing to the stars] I've been there and there and there and there...
Harry: Wow. The long, boring stories you must have.

Tommy: Commander, permission to speak freely.
Dick: Granted.
Tommy: As the oldest member of this crew, I feel it's my duty to inform you all that this planet both wipes and sucks. In that order.

Tommy: Sally, I got a question for you. We've been on the planet a while now and I've just been wondering if we were to tell someone we cared about where we were actually from, do you think it'd be so dangerous?
Sally: No, not at all, Tommy. In fact I've already told Mrs. Dubcek and the mailman, uh, and a nice guy down at the mini-mall, BECAUSE I WANT US ALL TO DIE LIKE LAB RATS AT THE HANDS OF PRIMITIVE SCIENTISTS!!!