30 Rock quotes
268 total quotesLiz: No, Jack. You were just talking about how you miss office hookups. That is a double standard.
Jack: Calm down.
Liz: I won't calm down. Women are allowed to get angrier than men about double standards.
Jack: Calm down.
Liz: I won't calm down. Women are allowed to get angrier than men about double standards.
Liz: Really - you want to exchange creative gifts? Oh, well, you are the one that's in trouble now, buddy, because creativity to me is just like... like a... bird, like a friendly bird, that embraces all... ideas, and just like, shoots... out of its eyes, all kinds of beauty.
Jack: Wow, Lemon, this is like watching Hemingway write. Mark Hemingway.
Jack: Wow, Lemon, this is like watching Hemingway write. Mark Hemingway.
Liz: So what's going on with you and Nancy, anyway?
Jack: We're just friends. It's platonic. I have elaborate fantasies of her husband dying in a boat explosion.
Jack: We're just friends. It's platonic. I have elaborate fantasies of her husband dying in a boat explosion.
Liz: There ain't no party like a Liz Lemon party 'cause a Liz Lemon party is mandatory.
Liz: Ugh, I hate January. It's dark and freezing and everyone's wearing bulky coats; you can do some serious subway flirting before you realize the guy is homeless.
Tracy: A book hasn't caused me this much trouble since Where's Waldo went to that barber pole factory.
Tracy: I've seen a blind guy bite a police horse! A puppy committed suicide after he saw our bathroom! I once bit into a burrito and there was a child's shoe in it! I've seen a hooker eat a tire! A pack of wild dogs took over and successfully ran a Wendy's. The sewer people stole my skateboard! The projects I lived in were named after Zachary Taylor - generally considered to be one of the worst presidents of all time! I once saw a baby give another baby a tattoo... they were very drunk.
Tracy: Orange and black decorations? Is this Halloween, or Princeton Parents' weekend? I don't know whether to be scared or proud of my cousin...
Kenneth: It's Halloween, sir.
Tracy: Proud it is.
Kenneth: It's Halloween, sir.
Tracy: Proud it is.
Tracy: What made you change your mind?
Jack: Tracy Jr. made you an acrostic.
Tracy: Well, I hope he made me an acrosse helmet so I don't get hurt playing acrosse! [seeing Jack's confused stare] Now come on, that's pretty solid for a guy who just came out of an hallucination.
Jack: Tracy Jr. made you an acrostic.
Tracy: Well, I hope he made me an acrosse helmet so I don't get hurt playing acrosse! [seeing Jack's confused stare] Now come on, that's pretty solid for a guy who just came out of an hallucination.
Tracy: Why don't Catholics eat meat on Fridays? I'll tell you why: it's because the Pope owns Long John Silver's.
Wesley: I don't want to go back to England. I can't suffer through the London Olympics -- we're not prepared, Liz. Did you see the Beijing Opening Ceremonies? We don't have control over our people like that!
Wesley: So does this mean you've come to your senses? Are you ready to settle, and become Mrs. Snipes?
Liz: No. I wanted to tell you to your face that I know that I can do better than you. And I'm never going to be Mrs. Snipes. [beat] Hang on, is your name Wesley Snipes? That is insane.
Wesley: [annoyed] It's insane that the actor Wesley Snipes has that name! Look. If you saw a picture of him, and a picture of me, and you were asked "Who should be named *Wesley* *Snipes*?" You'd pick the stuffy Englishman every time! Every time, Liz!
Liz: No. I wanted to tell you to your face that I know that I can do better than you. And I'm never going to be Mrs. Snipes. [beat] Hang on, is your name Wesley Snipes? That is insane.
Wesley: [annoyed] It's insane that the actor Wesley Snipes has that name! Look. If you saw a picture of him, and a picture of me, and you were asked "Who should be named *Wesley* *Snipes*?" You'd pick the stuffy Englishman every time! Every time, Liz!
Wesley: Fine, it's your loss. There's only one Wesley Snipes in the world.
Liz: You know there isn't!
Wesley: Ugh!
Season 5
Liz: You know there isn't!
Wesley: Ugh!
Season 5
[A waitress brings Jack, Liz, Tracy and Jenna food]
Jenna: What is this?
Liz: Alright, Cheesy Blasters! [sings] You take a hotdog, stuff it with some jack cheese, fold it in a pizza - You got Cheesy Blasters! [spoken] And then all the kids say "Thanks, Meat Cat!" and Meat Cat flies away on his, um, skate board.
Jenna: What is this?
Liz: Alright, Cheesy Blasters! [sings] You take a hotdog, stuff it with some jack cheese, fold it in a pizza - You got Cheesy Blasters! [spoken] And then all the kids say "Thanks, Meat Cat!" and Meat Cat flies away on his, um, skate board.
[On the phone]
Tracy: Parties are like frisbees. If you throw them the wrong way, they'll veer off in a bad direction, and then your kid will fall into a quarry.
Liz: What?
Tracy: Don't throw a party for vengence. It will turn on you... like your wife, after your kid has fallen into a quarry.
Tracy: Parties are like frisbees. If you throw them the wrong way, they'll veer off in a bad direction, and then your kid will fall into a quarry.
Liz: What?
Tracy: Don't throw a party for vengence. It will turn on you... like your wife, after your kid has fallen into a quarry.