Joxer: Ah Ah. I Attus, King of Trout and Ruler of its people. I set you free ... huh? ... ha ha ha ha ha ... you tell good joke, Trout Brother. But now I must have tribute. Go. Swim. Be free. Go. Go.
Xena: Now you listen to me, Monkey Man! You ever do that again and you will find my fist down your throat.

Joxer: Here's the grub for the spud.
Xena: What's this?
Joxer: You asked for baby food.
Xena: Babyback ribs are not baby food, Joxer.

Joxer: Hey, aren't you forgetting about me?
Xena: No, Joxer, not even Mnemosyne could help her with that.

Joxer: Hey, wait a minute. Those villagers hired me, and only Joxer the Mighty is going to stop the Scythians.
Xena: Joxer, I once knew a warrior who tried to stop them. They buried him in Sparta, Athens and Carthage.
Joxer: What do you mean?
Xena: They buried him in Sparta ... Athens ... and Carthage ... think about it, Joxer.

Joxer: I can make her forget. I'm a very forgettable person.

Joxer: I can't have you dying again and not have you know.
Gabrielle: Know what?
Joxer: Oh brother, I had this all worked out in my head and now...
Gabrielle: Joxer, will you hurry? Please.
Joxer: I love you. I'm in love with you.

Joxer: I figured I'd find you guys here. The trail was too easy to follow. Any idiot could find you.
Xena: Evidently.

Joxer: I still say it was Minya in the bedroom with a knife.
Minya: Would you can it! This isn't some sort of game, you know.
Cyrene: She's right. Discord has long ears. She could show up at any time.
Joxer: That's exactly my point. You keep talking about her ears and she will show up.

Joxer: I've seen evil! I've changed my ways!
Jet: Brother, if you saw evil, you'd have to change your pants.

Joxer: Look, Joxer the Mighty brings Xena Warrior Princess and Autolycus the King of Thieves ...
Meg: ... a.k.a. Mr. Stinky ...
Joxer: ... in chains.
Autolycus: In chains?
Joxer: Look look look, let me explain it to you. They're grateful. They make me a lord of the realm and ruler of the treasury. ‘More wine, m'lord?' No no. Ha ha! See? I sneak into the treasury, take the key from one of the guards, say something like, ‘What's that over there?!' You know? Then I free you two and we walk off rich into the sunset. What do ya think?
Autolycus: I think it's inbreeding.

Joxer: Mmm, Attus not afraid. Attus King of Jungle. (arrow lands in tree between Joxer's legs) Attus renounce throne.

Joxer: Rise and shine everyone, rise and shine.
Gabrielle: I'll rise, but I refuse to shine.

Joxer: The woman I love is working here...On the other hand, I am just one small business transaction away from pressing my lips against her. What am I saying?

Joxer: Wait wait wait...How am I supposed to know who the real Diana is?
Xena: Well if you come across a woman and she looks exactly like me and she displays any interest in you whatsoever as a man, that's the bad one.
Joxer: She is bad! Real bad...

Joxer: Why is everybody telling me to think? I think, I just don't show it.