Weeds quotes
122 total quotesNancy: They wanted to suspend him.
Andy: For what? If Shane wants to believe in Chris, and they try to suspend him for it, Whoa! That's freedom of religion, that's like the first commandment; we could nail ‘em on that.
Nancy: I don't think Chris is protected under "Freedom of Religion," Andy. In fact, the Angry Christian Moms I heard from in the PTA were pretty offended by it.
Andy: Well that's so intolerant. I mean, what would Jesus do?
Andy: For what? If Shane wants to believe in Chris, and they try to suspend him for it, Whoa! That's freedom of religion, that's like the first commandment; we could nail ‘em on that.
Nancy: I don't think Chris is protected under "Freedom of Religion," Andy. In fact, the Angry Christian Moms I heard from in the PTA were pretty offended by it.
Andy: Well that's so intolerant. I mean, what would Jesus do?
Nancy: What do you do if somebody actually calls to get his house cleaned?
Heylia: Then I refer ‘em to my cousin Zondra, who cleans for real. She don't make shit, but Zondra found the Lord so she don't care.
Heylia: Then I refer ‘em to my cousin Zondra, who cleans for real. She don't make shit, but Zondra found the Lord so she don't care.
Nancy: You're the Candyman?
The "Candyman" : Yes, you getting any exercise?
Nancy: Excuse me?
The "Candyman" : If you're not committed to personal fitness, I can't in good conscience sell to you.
Nancy: I wouldn't say Heylia's in the best shape.
The "Candyman" : Heylia's a lazy fat-fat and I'm hoping to put her into a diabetic coma. So I have no problem selling to her.
Nancy: Why?
The "Candyman" : Scare her. Some people never learn until their life is on the line.
The "Candyman" : Yes, you getting any exercise?
Nancy: Excuse me?
The "Candyman" : If you're not committed to personal fitness, I can't in good conscience sell to you.
Nancy: I wouldn't say Heylia's in the best shape.
The "Candyman" : Heylia's a lazy fat-fat and I'm hoping to put her into a diabetic coma. So I have no problem selling to her.
Nancy: Why?
The "Candyman" : Scare her. Some people never learn until their life is on the line.
PTA Mom 1: Oh, we do not joke about our Lord Jesus Christ.
Nancy: (Laughs) It's a stupid t-shirt. We should ignore it.
Maggie: Only one man died for my sins, Nancy. And his name wasn't Chris.
Pam: Well, it sort of was, wasn't it? Like a nickname?
Nancy: (Laughs) It's a stupid t-shirt. We should ignore it.
Maggie: Only one man died for my sins, Nancy. And his name wasn't Chris.
Pam: Well, it sort of was, wasn't it? Like a nickname?
Shane Botwin: Can we go home now, please?
Nancy: It's not even half-time.
Shane: I don't feel well. I think I have rickets.
Nancy: It's not even half-time.
Shane: I don't feel well. I think I have rickets.
Shane: Actually, you should alternate cold and hot every 20 minutes.
Devon Rensler: Don't even talk to me weirdo.
Devon Rensler: Don't even talk to me weirdo.
Shane: Do you think I'm weird?
Judah: Totally weird, but you're awesome. ��nd I wouldn't trade you in for any other almost-ten-year-old on earth.
Shane: What if there's life on other planets and there's an unbelieveable, amazing ten year old out there?
Judah: Why would I trade down? To me, you're the best dude, you are the amazing unbelievable Shane Botwin.
Judah: Totally weird, but you're awesome. ��nd I wouldn't trade you in for any other almost-ten-year-old on earth.
Shane: What if there's life on other planets and there's an unbelieveable, amazing ten year old out there?
Judah: Why would I trade down? To me, you're the best dude, you are the amazing unbelievable Shane Botwin.
Shane: I am so dead, I am so dead. Is he coming?
Silas: There's no one chasing you, Shane. Oh man, are you wearing lipstick?
Quinn: It's not lipstick. It's fruit punch.
Shane: I threw a can of soda at Devon Rensler.
Silas: Well that was stupid.
Shane: He called me "Orphan boy."
Silas: He's a fuckwad.
Quinn: Did you hit him?
Shane: No, just grazed him.
Silas: Oh, that's bad. You can't miss the bear.
Quinn: What bear?
Shane: I missed the bear... The shot was no where near his optimum kill zone.
Quinn: What are you talking about?
Silas: Don't you watch bear hunt? On the wilderness channel.
Quinn: Somehow I've missed it.
Shane: It's only the best show in the history of television!
Silas: Every week these guys with gun racks and their big old monster trucks go out and they kill a bear.
Quinn: That's horrible
Shane: No, it's so awesome!
Silas: Right, right, right
Shane: You've gotta bring enough gun to get the job done. Oh! And tell her about CGS!
Silas: Whoa, Shane, you're gonna wet yourself.
Shane: Shut up, you're just as into it.
Silas: Carter Grizzly Sike. He's the host. At the end of the show �
Shane: He's got the head of the bear that they shot that week.
Silas: Right, right, and he leaves you with, like, these wise parting words like (in a red neck accent), "You can't miss the bear or he's gonna turn around and rip you open like a present from your mama on Christmas morning."
Quinn: Okay, we are breaking up.
Silas: Come on, think of the time this'll save us on foreplay. You just whisper, "Shoot me in the optimum kill zone," and I'll be good to go.
Quinn:: I could whisper "Linoleum" and you'd be good to go.
Silas: There's no one chasing you, Shane. Oh man, are you wearing lipstick?
Quinn: It's not lipstick. It's fruit punch.
Shane: I threw a can of soda at Devon Rensler.
Silas: Well that was stupid.
Shane: He called me "Orphan boy."
Silas: He's a fuckwad.
Quinn: Did you hit him?
Shane: No, just grazed him.
Silas: Oh, that's bad. You can't miss the bear.
Quinn: What bear?
Shane: I missed the bear... The shot was no where near his optimum kill zone.
Quinn: What are you talking about?
Silas: Don't you watch bear hunt? On the wilderness channel.
Quinn: Somehow I've missed it.
Shane: It's only the best show in the history of television!
Silas: Every week these guys with gun racks and their big old monster trucks go out and they kill a bear.
Quinn: That's horrible
Shane: No, it's so awesome!
Silas: Right, right, right
Shane: You've gotta bring enough gun to get the job done. Oh! And tell her about CGS!
Silas: Whoa, Shane, you're gonna wet yourself.
Shane: Shut up, you're just as into it.
Silas: Carter Grizzly Sike. He's the host. At the end of the show �
Shane: He's got the head of the bear that they shot that week.
Silas: Right, right, and he leaves you with, like, these wise parting words like (in a red neck accent), "You can't miss the bear or he's gonna turn around and rip you open like a present from your mama on Christmas morning."
Quinn: Okay, we are breaking up.
Silas: Come on, think of the time this'll save us on foreplay. You just whisper, "Shoot me in the optimum kill zone," and I'll be good to go.
Quinn:: I could whisper "Linoleum" and you'd be good to go.
Shane: I got sent to the school shrink. They'll probably be calling you.
Nancy: Oh, not again, why this time.
Shane: I wrote a gangster rap about killing Devon Rensler, with my Gat.
Nancy: Oh, not again, why this time.
Shane: I wrote a gangster rap about killing Devon Rensler, with my Gat.
Silas Botwin: What? Who told you that? She's totally deaf. And Dennis Kling says there's nothing wrong with her tongue.
Silas: (Spray painted on the wall) I'm sorry. P.S. My maid thinks I fucked a smurf.
Silas: I am her family.
Celia: Ugh, God, poor thing. Do you really think that my daughter had deep romantic feelings for you? Is that what you think? Now I'm sure that you were a fun and sweaty diversion for her, but the truth is Quinn had a day and a half to get all of her ducks in a row before going to Mexico and she didn't call you. She didn't write or IM or e-mail you either, did she? But I'll tell you what she did do, she downloaded 2,000 songs into her ipod and dyed her hair pink with black on the tips. Because all that Quinn cares about is Quinn. She takes after her father that way.... Poor schmuck.
Celia: Ugh, God, poor thing. Do you really think that my daughter had deep romantic feelings for you? Is that what you think? Now I'm sure that you were a fun and sweaty diversion for her, but the truth is Quinn had a day and a half to get all of her ducks in a row before going to Mexico and she didn't call you. She didn't write or IM or e-mail you either, did she? But I'll tell you what she did do, she downloaded 2,000 songs into her ipod and dyed her hair pink with black on the tips. Because all that Quinn cares about is Quinn. She takes after her father that way.... Poor schmuck.