Shane: Actually, you should alternate cold and hot every 20 minutes.
Devon Rensler: Don't even talk to me weirdo.

Shane: Do you think I'm weird?
Judah: Totally weird, but you're awesome. ��nd I wouldn't trade you in for any other almost-ten-year-old on earth.
Shane: What if there's life on other planets and there's an unbelieveable, amazing ten year old out there?
Judah: Why would I trade down? To me, you're the best dude, you are the amazing unbelievable Shane Botwin.

Shane: Here, kitty, kitty.

Shane: I am so dead, I am so dead. Is he coming?
Silas: There's no one chasing you, Shane. Oh man, are you wearing lipstick?
Quinn: It's not lipstick. It's fruit punch.
Shane: I threw a can of soda at Devon Rensler.
Silas: Well that was stupid.
Shane: He called me "Orphan boy."
Silas: He's a fuckwad.
Quinn: Did you hit him?
Shane: No, just grazed him.
Silas: Oh, that's bad. You can't miss the bear.
Quinn: What bear?
Shane: I missed the bear... The shot was no where near his optimum kill zone.
Quinn: What are you talking about?
Silas: Don't you watch bear hunt? On the wilderness channel.
Quinn: Somehow I've missed it.
Shane: It's only the best show in the history of television!
Silas: Every week these guys with gun racks and their big old monster trucks go out and they kill a bear.
Quinn: That's horrible
Shane: No, it's so awesome!
Silas: Right, right, right
Shane: You've gotta bring enough gun to get the job done. Oh! And tell her about CGS!
Silas: Whoa, Shane, you're gonna wet yourself.
Shane: Shut up, you're just as into it.
Silas: Carter Grizzly Sike. He's the host. At the end of the show �
Shane: He's got the head of the bear that they shot that week.
Silas: Right, right, and he leaves you with, like, these wise parting words like (in a red neck accent), "You can't miss the bear or he's gonna turn around and rip you open like a present from your mama on Christmas morning."
Quinn: Okay, we are breaking up.
Silas: Come on, think of the time this'll save us on foreplay. You just whisper, "Shoot me in the optimum kill zone," and I'll be good to go.
Quinn:: I could whisper "Linoleum" and you'd be good to go.

Shane: I got sent to the school shrink. They'll probably be calling you.
Nancy: Oh, not again, why this time.
Shane: I wrote a gangster rap about killing Devon Rensler, with my Gat.

Shane: I think pink's really your color, you fuckwad!

Shane: This sucks.
Nancy: Yeah, but imagine how the mountain lion feels.

Silas Botwin: What? Who told you that? She's totally deaf. And Dennis Kling says there's nothing wrong with her tongue.

Silas: (Spray painted on the wall) I'm sorry. P.S. My maid thinks I fucked a smurf.

Silas: I am her family.
Celia: Ugh, God, poor thing. Do you really think that my daughter had deep romantic feelings for you? Is that what you think? Now I'm sure that you were a fun and sweaty diversion for her, but the truth is Quinn had a day and a half to get all of her ducks in a row before going to Mexico and she didn't call you. She didn't write or IM or e-mail you either, did she? But I'll tell you what she did do, she downloaded 2,000 songs into her ipod and dyed her hair pink with black on the tips. Because all that Quinn cares about is Quinn. She takes after her father that way.... Poor schmuck.

Silas: I need to talk to you, you fucking perv.

Silas: Tell me where she is!
Celia: Why? So you can fly down to mexico and spring her from Casa Reforma?
Silas: I love her.
Celia: You stuck your penis in her. That's not love, believe me.

Tennis Pro: Dean's a good guy.
Celia: You know, shut up. I'm very mad at him.

Tennis Pro: I'm sorry.
Celia: Your'e a big whore.
Tennis Pro: I think I should go now
Celia: Oh, sit your flat ass back down. You know, you're a good listener.
Tennis Pro: Thanks.
Celia: Fuck you. Let's get another round.

Tennis Pro: We need to go somewhere where we can get very, very drunk.
Celia: I'm a mean drunk. Let's go.