Logan: Mars!
Veronica: We're on a last name basis now? We've skipped right over androgynous nicknames.
Logan: I tried calling you "Chuckles", but it didn't stick.

Logan: Mr. Wu must really like his egg-drop soup.
Dick: Uh, does this assignment come with [Chinese accent] pot stickah?
Mr. Wu: Students! This experiment is a major test grade. For some of you, [looking at Dick] it means passing this class or not.
Dick: [to Logan] Dude, is Mr. Wu hitting on me?
Mr. Wu: Okay, people, that does it. I'm assigning your partners alphabetically. Dick, I think it's a bad idea for you and Mr. Echolls to be working together.
Dick: So bad, it's good?
Mr. Wu: No.
Dick: [to Logan] God, I don't know how I'm gonna quit you. Shh! It's not me, it's Wu.

Logan: My only concern is property values going down if anyone sees you in my house without a leaf blower or a skimmer.
Weevil: You're concerned? I'm the one who's got to go up into the hills all by myself. What if I run into a pack of you white boys on some clean, well-lit street? I could be bored to death!

Logan: Oh the rich, how they mock you. [hands Veronica a $50 bill]
Veronica: There's a $50 bill?
Logan: Had them made special.

Logan: Seriously, though. I was reading 'The Third Wheel: A Beginner's Guide,' and we should come up with, like, some kind of codeword for when you guys are feeling frisky and don't want to be disturbed.
Veronica: Like "scram"?
Logan: I was thinking..."awkward." But scram is good. Or "amscray." [Opens the door to see Kendall] You're not my grilled cheese.
Kendall: No. [Notices Veronica and Duncan sitting on the couch] iPod girl. With the waxy-eared boyfriend. Small world.
Veronica: Like this big. [gestures with her thumb and finger]
Logan: My codeword will be..."endurance."
[Later]
Duncan: [kisses Veronica's neck] Weren't we doing something?
Veronica: We were making out on the couch and then that happened. [points to the room Logan and Kendall just entered]

Logan: So I guess we broke up, huh?
Veronica: What do you want me to say, Logan?
Logan: "Logan, I'm gonna go home and put my head in the oven because I can't go on living knowing what a heartless bitch I am!" Something like that.
Veronica: So you're saying you want me dead?
Logan: Yes.
Veronica: One word from me and Backup goes for your throat.
Logan: [scoffs] Is that what you'd do, boy? You'd tear out my throat? [kneels down to dog] Who's a man killer, huh? [Backup kisses Logan] Who's a man killer?

Logan: So this is staking out, huh? It looks sexier in the movies.
Veronica: Did you hear anything from Hannah?
Logan: Does deafening silence count?
Veronica: You know, I'm not sure, but I think when they start shipping your girlfriends off, you are officially a bad boy. [they high-five each other]
Logan: Her dad and your dad should get together and go bowling.

Logan: So, my tax dollars at work. Where were you? Getting thirds at the Crazy Girls lunch buffet?
Cliff: Actually, they discontinued the buffet. Some health code thing. Okay, my name is Cliff, I'll be your 'if-you-cannot-afford-an-attorney' attorney. So. What are you trying to prove?
Logan: Um...my innocence?
Cliff: No. I mean with this 'poor little rich boy' stunt. Having me represent you doesn't make you look innocent. It makes you look like an arrogant jackass. If the witness' story holds, you are going to trial.
Logan: Hmm. The guy's lying.
Cliff: June 27th: you gave testimony saying that you couldn't remember a thing. Now, he comes forward saying he saw you, bloody knife in hand, ranting like a maniac over a dead body.
Logan: And what exactly did I say, huh?
Cliff: "The [expletive] [racial expletive] had it [maternal expletive] coming."

Logan: So, the place is ours. Dad's at class. Trina's at an extremely important purse-store opening in Beverly Hills.
Veronica: Your Dad is taking classes?
Logan: Exploring the world outside himself. All part of the new Aaron Echolls. Spanish, ceramics, tae kwon do and today, glassblowing with Silvio Pirelli, master of Old World crystal. [points to glass piece] Nice, huh? Just two lessons.
Veronica: And he made a bong?
Logan: An urn for my mom. You know, since there was no body and thus no ashes, he filled it with seawater. Because she jumped into the ocean. Get it? At least it gets him out of the house. [they kiss]
Veronica: Hey. Do you think this thing... will ever get more normal?
Logan: What, like, will we ever hang at the mall and hold hands and buy each other teddy bears with hearts that say "I wuv you beary much?"
Veronica: Yes. Exactly that. Except I want my bear won through some sort of demonstration of ring-tossing ability.
Logan: Secrets are kinda hot, too. [they kiss]

Logan: So, what do you think?
Veronica: Like, in general? Or is there a specific area on which you'd like my opinion?

Logan: So, you want me to come over after school?
Hannah: The words out of your mouth are, "come over," but all I hear you saying is, "Let's have sex."
Logan: Excuse me? All I heard you say was, "Let's have sex."

Logan: There's a woman who saw my mom get out of her car and get in a van with a "mysterious stranger."
Veronica: There's also a jungle tribe that worships Donald Trump's hair. It's a tabloid.
Logan: So the girl with a pig arm can't really bowl?
Veronica: I just don't want you to get your hopes up.
Logan: I'm not paying you to worry about my hopes; I'm paying you to follow leads.
Veronica: I wasn't aware you were paying me.
Logan: This isn't a favor. It's a job, you know. I mean, we're not exchanging friendship bracelets.
Veronica: I'll stop braiding.

Logan: They teach you manners in ESL?
Weevil: If I was gonna cheat, don't you think I'd pick somebody smart?
Logan: If you "was gonna"?
Mr. Daniels: Ah, alas, you both get zeroes. No talking during tests.
Logan: I guess Mrs. Daniels ain't giving it up at home, huh?
Mr. Daniels: You know, the glow of your father's wealth and celebrity may be enough to sustain you through high school, Mr. Echolls, but do you know what it will get you in the real world?
Logan: [sarcastically] Please say "high school English teacher." Please...say "high school English teacher." [Weevil snickers]
Mr. Daniels: Mr. Navarro. I wonder if you'll find Mr. Echolls so amusing ten years from now - when you're pumping his gas.

Logan: What's the word?
Dick: The one they call Bootsy told me "no" and went on to suggest I perform sexual intercourse upon my own person.
Logan: Doesn't he understand? If you could do that, you'd never come to school.
Dick: Boy, that's the truth.

Logan: While I appreciate the interest, Big Brother, I hope -
Veronica: Wow, a 1984 reference. Did you read that in weightlifting?
Logan: You know, your dad was half right. You have a thing for bad boys, but you don't want to reform them. You just get off on judging them.
Veronica: Which reminds me: can I borrow your copy of 101 Brooding Comments?
Logan: I only have the Cliff Notes. Look, I've got to run, so to save you the trouble, I'm surfing in Mexico with Dick and Mercer this weekend. I'll fax you the coordinates so you don't incur any more cell-tracking charges, and I'll keep a journal of my bad thoughts in case you want to stick my face in a cage of rats when we get back. Sorry, 1984 is the only book I read.