Logan: Who are you taking to the Alterna-Prom?
Dick: Well, I considered a lot of chicks, but finally, I figured I'd just go stag. I mean, it's not the prom. It's the Alterna-Prom. Why narrow my options?
Logan: Shot down, huh?
Dick: It's like a conspiracy.
Logan: It's a good thing we're graduating. Sounds like you've hit that point where every girl in school knows you.
Dick: Bring on the sorority girls!

Logan: Why can't you for once just leave things alone?
Veronica: Okay, now you're starting to piss me off.
Logan: [yelling] Frankly, Veronica, so what? You're not invincible, and you're not always right.
Keith: Hey! You might want to stop yelling at my daughter.
Logan: Yeah? You might want to start.

Logan: You do not want to start today with me, Paco.
Weevil: Are you sure? It was in my day planner under "Goals."

Logan: You know what Mom would have wanted? She would have wanted you to not sleep with all her friends. She would have wanted you to care as much about her as your career. So okay, Dad, let's be honest. Maybe we both wished we'd been better. But she's only gone because of you.

Logan: You were expecting Sidney Poitier?
Veronica: No jokes. No innuendos, no quips. Don't even think of alluding to having seen me naked or having touched any part of my body that does not have fingers.
Logan: Can I mention that my eyes adored you? I got it. No calling you Bobcat, no talk of milky thighs.
Veronica: Go home.
Logan: Veronica. Don't worry. I wont say anything bad.

Mac: [sighs] I have "There's Got to Be a Morning After" stuck in my head. If I start singing, kill me.

Mac: [sighs] I have to, have to, have to go to my morning classes tomorrow. I'm getting lost in the "sex-nap-eat-repeat" loop. I'm in the porn version of Groundhog Day.
Max: "Poundhog Day"?

Mac: [to Veronica] With your sleuth prowess and my programming skills, I don't think it's an exaggeration to say that we would rule the entire known universe.

Mac: And his role in this enterprise?
Dick: Consultant. I'm an ass expert.
Logan: Yes, except for the expert part.
Dick: I'm an ass? Who would you ask for advice about lions, a lion or a gerbil? Gerbil, you say? No, you would ask a lion, because by virtue of being a lion, a lion is an expert on lions. So... Okay. I don't see how you hope to launch a website about hot asses without me, but fine. It's Friday night. If I walk long enough in a straight line, I'll hit a party.

Mac: Are you freaking kidding me? The Pi Sig mega apocalypse? Hump the furniture, party back to the stone age, fifty keg bacchanalia?
Veronica: Sounds like fun, right?
Mac: Will they let me in? I think all the glitter has come off my porn star tube top.
Veronica: Please, Mac.
Mac: ...Resistance is futile.

Mac: Hey, did anyone else hear there's gonna be a Matchbox 20 reunion show?
Piz: So? Rob Thomas is a whore.
Mac: Yeah.

Mac: If college is a boy buffet, she's got two full plates and a purse full of boys wrapped in napkins.
...
Mac: Look at her...she's like boynip.

Mac: Is the eggplant good?
Spaghetti Server: It's okay.
Mac: How about that stuff?
Spaghetti Server: It's good.
Mac: It's probably horrible for you, right? I'll stay with the eggplant. No, wait - what do you think? [pause] I need to see a psychiatrist.
Veronica: I was thinking more an English professor. What we're dealing with her is an absurd level of symbolism. [to server] Two lasagnas.
Spaghetti Server: Okay.
Mac: Symbolism?
Veronica: I mean, the Bronson Parmigiana is good for me, but, ooh! The Maxuccine looks awfully tempting.
Mac: It's not my fault Max won't stop calling. Like you should talk.
Veronica: Me? I'm not ordering good boy while wishing I ordered bad boy.
Mac: No, you gave up bad boy, but keep asking for samples of good boy.
Veronica: No, I - wait, what?
Mac: Okay, if Logan is the fettucine... [cellphone rings]
Veronica: It's the eggplant.

Mac: Let me explain something, Veronica. I own the most powerful personal computer on campus. There is no personal computer faster or better than mine at Hearst. And using this incredible computer of mine, it will take twenty years to crack Jake Kane's password on this hard drive.
Veronica: So how do we do it?
Mac: You're like Kirk in Wrath of Khan. You refuse to believe in the no-win scenario.
Veronica: You're like one of the nerds from Revenge of the Nerds with your Star Trek references.

Mac: Pay me in cash, I ask no questions. Just tip me off when you're going public.
Beaver: You know, I think that might be illegal.
Mac: Still... you're admiring my moxie, aren't you?
Beaver: Something like that.