Logan: Ah, mass transit. But why take the bus when you can drive your very own rust bucket? I had my dad's driver pick it up. Full of fresh stolen parts, ready to go.
Veronica: Wow. I'll just try to keep this little gesture in mind this weekend when you and Dick and the Beaver are off getting blasted and scamming cheerleaders.
Logan: Yeah. Yeah, actually I had to tell Dick I'm not available. Because I have other plans.
Veronica: There are cheerleaders with low self-esteem available domestically?

Logan: Any news on Nip/Schmuck?
Veronica: It's pretty clear, isn't it? Our favorite plastic surgeon, for whatever reason, seems to be owned by the Fighting Fitzpatricks.
Logan: Well, as far as I know, I've done nothing to get their Irish up.
Veronica: And I'm working on the connections, okay?
Logan: If you could exonerate me sometime soon, that'd be great. I really don't want bottom bunk in Fisty McRapesalot's cell.
Veronica: If you want a top, I'm sure it's negotiable.
Logan: Help me, Mars-Wan Kenobi, you're my only hope.

Logan: Didn't your dad say that the cigar store's a front for drug dealers? I mean, that's gotta be something.
Veronica: Or not. Sometimes a cigar store is just a cigar store.
Logan: Well, I'll remember to be quippy when you're looking at 20 to life.
Veronica: Oh, you're being a jackass. It must be an even-numbered day. I do so prefer the odd-numbered days when you're kissing my ass for a favor.
Logan: Well, you find out why this plastic surgeon is trying to get me sent away for killing Felix and I will make sure that all even-numbered days are removed from the calendar.

Logan: Do you even know how to play poker?
Veronica: No, but it must be really hard if all you guys play.

Logan: Do you think Lilly loved Weevil?
Veronica: I don't know. Um, Lilly never mentioned anything to me about Weevil. I was wondering when you were going to ask me about that.
Logan: Yeah, well... I don't know. When he's caught in her bedroom, you know, I guess you gotta think.
Veronica: You're handling it a lot better than I thought you would.
Logan: I loved Lilly. And Lilly loved guys.
Veronica: Logan, you know that --
Logan: You know, she used to say that her... her parents worshiped Duncan and tolerated her. And if she couldn't please 'em, she was going to go out of her way to piss 'em off. Weevil must have been perfect for that.
Veronica: I know Lilly loved you.
Logan: Just not like I loved her. [pauses] It's okay. No, you know, it kinda lets me off the hook. You know, I... You know, I don't have to feel guilty anymore.
Veronica: Feel guilty about what?
Logan: Movin' on. [he kisses her]
Veronica: What are we doing? [they giggle]
Logan: No idea. [resume kissing]
Veronica: We need to talk about this.
Logan: I know.
Veronica: Maybe we should just keep it to ourselves for awhile and see what happens.
Logan: Meet in mop closets? Pass each other secret notes in the hallway? [pauses] Come on, I'll drive you home on the back streets.

Logan: Hey, I have to tell you something.
Veronica: I'm sorry, we're past the confessional portion of this program. We're on to the make out.

Logan: Hey, I need your help.
Veronica: Would it be weird for me to start my own drinking game? Like, I have to do a shot every time someone asks for my help?

Logan: Hey. Uh, Veronica asked me to bring you this.
Mac: Performing a favor from a jail cell? The girl has serious friendship skills.

Logan: Hi-ho.
Veronica: What did you say?
Logan: Oh, your uniform. Hi-ho. It's off to work you go.
Veronica: Guess that makes me Snow White.
Logan: You must be on your way up to see Mopey.
Veronica: How is he doing, Sleazy?

Logan: Ho, ho, [looks at Veronica] ho.

Logan: I am beyond tardy for my physics class. If I remember right, time travel is not yet possible.
Veronica: So try petty corruption. Tardy excuse slips, date-stamped, untraceable. [pauses] I know people

Logan: I hope that tape didn't burn too much when they ripped it off. I hear that can leave some chafing.
Weevil: You made the wrong play, dawg. I shouldn't let you live for what you pulled.
Logan: What I pulled? Hang on, compadre, let's recap. You blasted a shotgun through my car with me inside.
Weevil: That wasn't me.
Logan: You torched my house. Then your masked bandidos played Russian Roulette with my hand. Okay, my math says that you still owe me.
Weevil: I thought you killed Felix.
Logan: Well, I didn't.
Weevil: Yeah, I pretty much know that now.
Logan: Oh, are you waiting for the music to swell before you start the apology?
Weevil: We have something in common now. We both need to find out who killed Felix.
Logan: So what, we team up? Get matching capes? I ride shotgun in the sidecar?
Weevil: Something like that, but not yet. See, I can't let you leave here looking the way you did when you walked in. Not if I don't want to end up some bald guy with tattoos who rides the school bus.
Logan: Well, I hope you don't just expect me to stand here and take it.
Weevil: Wouldn't be much fun if you did.
Logan: So who's going to throw the first - [bell rings, Weevil punches first and they all-out fight]

Logan: Is this the help desk? 'Cause I need a little help.
Veronica: Let me guess: you have this pathologically suspicious girlfriend and you hope maybe there's a guidebook?
Logan: No, it's more like, uh... what's beyond pathological?

Logan: Jeans, bold choice. Hope the maitre'd is fashion forward.
Veronica: Did you and Madison have sex over winter break?
[Logan looks at Veronica and doesn't respond]
Veronica: I asked you point blank--
Logan: And I lied. Point blank. It wasn't information that you had a right to know. I knew you wouldn't be able to deal with the Madison thing.
Veronica: Which 'thing' are you talking about? The 'she roofied me thing' or the thing 'when I stumbled to my car in the morning wondering where my virginity was and she had written slut on my windshield'? Was that what you thought I couldn't deal with? I am so genuinely sick right now. If I could've eaten anything today I'd be throwing up all over your floor.
Logan: We were broken up at the time.
Veronica: You know how I feel about her! There is no way that at some point while it was happening you weren't thinking about how much I'd hate you being with her.
Logan: It wasn't like that.
Veronica: No? Do you want another variation cause I have a million sickening scenarios running on a loop right now.
Logan: I wasn't trying to hurt you.
Veronica: Oh no. Really? Imagine if you tried.
Logan: What do you want me to do? What can I do?
Veronica: Make it not true. Get it out of my head and never let me think about it again. Cause unless you can do that, this is something I'm never getting past.

Logan: Look, Veronica, can you just once save my ass without comment?
Veronica: No. Because saving your ass with comment, it just... it works better for me.