Keith: I'd love to have underlings and deputies other than my daughter. She's really no good at wrestling the hopped-up meth heads into the back of the car.

Keith: I'm on a flight to Reno leaving an hour after graduation.
Veronica: I don't know if I like the idea of you running around a place full of armed, drunk businessmen.
Keith: That's why I rarely go to Texas.

Keith: I'm thinking about getting you some sort of... giant hamster ball, so you can roll everywhere in this protective sphere.
Veronica: It'd just draw attention to me. Nobody likes a blonde in a hamster ball.

Keith: It's a waterbed.
Veronica: Alright.
Keith: Come on, you've wanted one of these things since, like, you were 5 years old.
Veronica: I also wanted to marry Vanilla Ice and build the world's largest collection of Z-bots.

Keith: It's just that I never want you to think your mom's the villain in all this.
Veronica: Isn't she?
Keith: No, it's not that simple.
Veronica: Yeah, it is. The hero is the one that stays and the villain is the one that splits.
Keith: I don't think that's a healthy perspective.
Veronica: It's healthier than me pining away everyday, praying she'll come home.

Keith: Look who got an invite to the Sheriff Department's Fundraiser/Bachelor Auction.
Veronica: Please say "Veronica Mars."
Keith: Sorry, sweetheart. You can't buy love. Bored wives of the wealthy, however, can. I'm wondering if they'll sell Sheriff Lamb by the pound.

Keith: Look, I don't know if you were looking for "Pimp" in the phone book and just stopped at P.I....

Keith: My coat?
Clemmons: Right. It's in the closet.
Keith: [opens the door and sees Veronica hiding inside] Yup. That's mine, all right.

Keith: So how did she rope you into this?
Wallace: She promised me all the answer keys to... Just promised to be my friend.
Keith: I'd have held out for a better offer.

Keith: So how do you wanna play this?
Lamb: I say we play to our strengths.
Keith: So I'm good cop?

Keith: So, senior year. How was your first day at school honey?
Veronica: Great! I beat up a freshman, stole his lunch money and then skipped out after lunch.
Keith: What, no pre-marital sex?
Veronica: Oh, yea... yes. But don't worry dad, I swear you're gonna like these guys.
Keith: That's my girl.
Veronica: I missed you.
Keith: [While they hug] I missed you too. Now, where is my turkey pot-pie, woman?

Keith: So, Veronica tells me, um, well, actually she hasn't told me anything about you.
Troy: Well, I don't know if that's a good thing or a bad thing.
Keith: Neither do I. [both laugh]
Troy: Well, if you have any questions or you know, you want a list of references or anything...
Keith: So, you going to the homecoming dance?
Troy: Oh yes, sir, if that's okay with you.
Keith: Oh, of course. And after the dance?
Troy: Well I think that Veronica said that she had to be right home after.
Keith: Yeah, good. And you're gonna stay for the whole dance. I mean, you're not gonna leave early and go to a party or a hotel, and still make it back by curfew?
Troy: No, uh, I mean, the whole point of going to the dance... is to go to the dance.
Keith: Good. Good. So you won't mind then, that I canceled your reservation at the Four Seasons?

Keith: This is so endearing, my bad-ass action-figure daughter is afraid of drawing a teensy little drop of blood.

Keith: Vinnie. What brings you to the good part of the wrong side of the tracks?
Vinnie: Dollar signs, mi amigo. The almighty buck. I got a case that requires a little double-detective duty. Lucky Pierre owns a jewelry store and suspects that he's got an embezzler. What do you say, huh? [holds out fist] Wonder Twin powers, activate.

Keith: Wallace's mom had a plan, and I didn't want to overstep.
Veronica: Overstepping is your main form of transportation.