Wallace: Do you own those clothes, or did you stop by Dirty Co-eds R Us?

Wallace: Hackey sack? The final arena of unquestioned white domination.

Wallace: He's not gropin' her, is he?
Veronica: No, but earlier I saw him cutting a hole in the bottom of the popcorn bucket.

Wallace: Hi, sir. Wallace Fennel.
Veronica: [proudly] Wallace is a friend of mine. [Veronica performs a martial arts gesture with her hands.] Take that, high school guidance counselor.

Wallace: It's not going to work. You can't take the cool out of me. Look, pocket protector and I'm still full of pimp juice.

Wallace: Mexican hairless. What's the point of having a dog if it's bald? What are you gonna pet? Skin?

Wallace: My first college party - drinking piña coladas with a dude and talking about math.

Wallace: My mom thinks I'm staying at Norman's house.
Veronica: Who's Norman?
Wallace: Norman is my imaginary, straight-A, Eagle Scout (does air quotes gesture) mama's boy friend.
Veronica: He sounds boring for an imaginary friend.
Wallace: Mom seems to like him.

Wallace: Oh, that's just pathetic. Up! Get up! I came here to see Veronica Mars. Who's this... Emo girl?
Veronica: Leave me alone. I'm wallowing.
Wallace: Not anymore. We're going out. We gotta go see a movie or get in a barfight or something.
Veronica: I don't wanna get in a barfight.
Wallace: Tough, 'cause you're goin if I have to drag you. But before we do, Veronica: Shower. You smell bad.
Veronica: You're not helping. You think you're helping. But you're not.

Wallace: See, when you assume, you really just make an ass out of you

Wallace: So, are you surviving?
Veronica: Surviving what?
Wallace: Helping Piz. You know, his puppy dog eyes on you all the time.
Veronica: It's weird. Like you said, normal Piz. Like nothing ever happened.
Wallace: [amused] Which bothers you, because making out with you is supposed to be some life-changing experience.
Veronica: I don't know. I just... Why are we talking about this?
Wallace: I thought you liked these kind of conversations.
Veronica: No.
Wallace: I was hoping we could follow it up with a cuteness countdown of the Baldwin brothers.
Veronica: I hope we're still friends after I Taser you.

Wallace: That's Veronica Mars - making friends and influencing people wherever she goes. See, if you come here next year, you've already got enemies. Just feel right at home.

Wallace: The world is upside down. Veronica Mars wants to believe in miracles, and I'm the cynical one.

Wallace: This mission better involve me seducing the head cheerleader.
Veronica: I need you to poke around and see if you can get me a fake ID. If you must seduce the head cheerleader in order to accomplish your mission, so be it.
Wallace: No sweat! How do I do it?
Veronica: Play on her insecurity.
Wallace: I meant the fake ID.

Wallace: Took this side. Hope that's cool.
Piz: Yeah, no sweat. I rarely wear clothes indoors. Hope that's cool.
Wallace: [chuckles, then stops abruptly] That's not cool at all.