Veronica: I guess you're all asking yourself why I called this meeting. [pause] What? That's comedy gold
Patrick: She knows about my dad's company.
Veronica: And I know that Leon's cryptography research wasn't really stolen. Let's see one guy to steal the machine one guy to program it and everyone to point the finger at the ex-con maintenance guy and the injustice league strikes again
Patrick: Who are you calling?
Veronica: The surgeon general.
Jenny: She's calling her dad, the sheriff.
Veronica: Good call Jenny, see you're not just here for your looks.
Patrick: Hang up please we can work this out you can be one of us.
Veronica: Is this where you turn me into a vampire?
Patrick: We can make it worth your while.
Veronica: All right I'm listening.
Patrick: So what is that maintenance guy paying you anyway?
Veronica: Cash.
Patrick: Don't turn us in can give you your very own Hearst ID.
Veronica: Oh I have one, thanks.
Patrick: This one is the everlasting gobstopper of spending money ,you'll never have to pay for another textbook, another ticket to a campus performance, another meal.
Veronica: Assuming that I want to eat meals in the food court for the rest of my life, besides you're lying, you don't have the machine you left it in the locker next to Mr. Navarro's
Jenny: There's a third one.
Leon: I've already programmed it.
Patrick: The only reason we got busted is cause we used stupid aliases we get new cards, generic names and we don't get caught again.
Jenny: You're a scholarship kid right.
Patrick: Yeah its gotta be really tough paying for all those meals and textbooks.
Veronica: It is which is why a bunch of kids who can afford to ski in Aspen getting their kicks by ripping off my school and blaming it on the nearest kid from the wrong side of the tracks pisses me off so much.
Patrick: You think that ski picture is proof, that doesn't prove anything.
Veronica: But this conversation does.
[begins to play a recording of the conversation on her phone]
Veronica: I wont bore you with the rest but I'll bet it means jail time, or if you'd prefer you can go throw yourselves at the mercy of the campus police I'm sure they'll be more merciful than my dad, especially after he finds that third machine in one of your dorm rooms.
Jenny: Like we keep it in a dorm room.
Veronica: If I don't hear by tomorrow that the charges against my client have been dropped by tomorrow afternoon I'm taking everything I've got to the finest sheriff's department in Balboa county. And try to keep it down in here, okay, it's a library.

Veronica: I had the printers forego the phallic framing. Penises can sometimes be distracting.

Veronica: I have no idea where he is, and if I did, you would be the... [counting fingers] last person I'd tell.
Vinnie: Am I hearing you right? Because you'd tell Osama bin Laden before you tell me? Because back in my day, we had a little thing called patriotism.

Veronica: I just hope Piz isn't planning on moping his way through the remainder of freshman year. It's not like I'm taking an internship at a Mister Softee in Wachoota. It's the FBI. The F. B. I.
Mac: At the very least, Piz should think it's hot.
Veronica: Actually, he does think it's pretty hot. He'd just think it was hotter if I were doing it in Neptune.
Mac: He wants to date you and be near you? Greedy little bugger.
Veronica: And if he didn't care, I'd probably be complaining about that...to my girlfriend...while waiting to pay for frozen yogurt. I'm a girl!

Veronica: I just want to get to a place with you where we can be really... intimate.
Logan: That's what the female praying mantis says before she bites the male's head off.

Veronica: I need you to get me into a restricted website.
Mac: Sure, what's the address?
Veronica: I don't know.
Mac: What's it for?
Veronica: It's a Neptune High gay chat room.
Mac: Veronica, you're not...
Veronica: No, I'm just curious. [chuckles] Curious as to what's posted on the website, more accurately. Here we go. Work your funky magic. [beat] And... nothing. What's the problem? [Mac stares at Veronica without speaking] ...You set it up, didn't you?

Veronica: I obviously know nothing about relationships.
Keith: But you can bake, and that's important.

Veronica: I printed out the entire browser history from Logan Echolls's computer in his fourth period computer lab class.
Wallace: So is he guilty?
Veronica: Well, of wanting desperately to see pictures of Alyssa Milano naked, yes.

Veronica: I'll be at home. With the only sane member of the Mars family.
Keith: The one who eats from the garbage and keeps bringing me dead birds?
Veronica: That's the one.

Veronica: I'm off to steal the souls of the rich with my evil image capturing device.
Keith: Have fun.

Veronica: I'm so ashamed of myself for my meltdown last night. I was a rampaging jackass.
Casey: Have you forgotten who you're talking to? I'm Casey Gant, okay? I wrote the jackass Bible, the jackass Qur'an, the jackass Talmud.

Veronica: I'm so impressed you fit a pony into my room. Presents, presents, presents!

Veronica: I'm stuck on something, and hoped you could help me.
Keith: Absolutely. Unless it's Physics or Chemistry. Or Math. Or English. P.E. - I was good at P.E.

Veronica: If you're wondering where I am, I'm hanging out outside a convenience store, eating corn nuts and watching strippers.
Keith: Are you doing drugs?
Veronica: No.
Keith: Good.

Veronica: In my world, the wicked don't get parting gifts.