Lorena: Why am I here?
Eric: We want the same thing, you and I.
Lorena:For a vampire, you are a terrible liar.

MaryAnn: [after she forced Sam to change] Abracadabra, Sam. What I just did to you, I can do anytime, anywhere. So unless you want your customers to know your little secret, you better think twice before you threaten me ever again.

Maryann: [catching Bill and Sookie] What are you doing in my house?
Sookie: This is not your house!
Maryann: It is now.
Bill: I strongly suggest you remove yourself immediately!
Maryann: My! You found yourself quite a specimen. Though I dare say there's nothing stopping him from one day leaving you cold.
Sookie: You don't scare me.

Maryann: [coming in, all filthy] Good Mornin'!
Tara: Whoa! Maryann are you okay?
Maryann: I am fantastic! I slept outside last night and communed with my animal nature.
Eggs: [eying the dead bunny] No shit.
Maryann: [holds it up] This little fellow hopped by and I thought, hmm yummy! Rabbit stew.
Tara: Aww. Poor bunny.
Maryann: Feeling sorry for things is just an excuse not to celebrate your own happiness.

MaryAnn: [to Lettie Mae] Ms. Thornton. MaryAnn Forrester. I've heard all about you. What a rare opportunity this is. I've always wondered what it'd be like to gaze into the eyes of some one so devoid of human compassion. That she would abandoned her own child when she needed you the most.

Maryann: Come on, Sookie, it'll be our little secret. What are you?
Sookie: I'm a waitress. What the fuck are you?

Mrs. Merlotte: We never thought we'd see you again.
Sam: Well, never say never when there's the Internet.
Mrs. Merlotte: Sam, if you came for an explanation, um I don't have a good one. Mitchell and I were down to our last nickel and we were scared. We still don't know what we saw that night.
Sam: You saw me turn into a dog. So apparently that was worth abandoning me over. I spent the next nineteen years making sure nobody knew what I really was. That's what you left me with.

Nan Flanagan: Do you have any fucking idea of the PR mess you've made? And who has to fucking clean that up? Me, not you, Me. We should drain every one of you bastards.
Eric: Stan went to the church on his own. None of us knew anything about it.
Nan Flanagan: Oh really? Because everyone who met Stan in the last three-hundred years knew that he had a kink about slaughtering humans. But you, his nest-mates, his sheriff has no clue.
Isabel: And how were we supposed to know that this time he meant it?
Nan Flanagan: Not my problem. [to Godric] Yours.
Eric: Don't talk to him that way.
Nan Flanagan: [to Eric] Don't talk to me that way! [to Godric] Let's get to the point, sheriff. How'd they manage to abduct you?
Godric: They would've taken one of us sooner or later. I offered myself.
Nan Flanagan: Why?
Godric: Why not?
Nan Flanagan: They wanted you to meet the sun and you were willing?
Godric: What do you think?
Nan Flanagan: I think you're out of your mind and then I hear about a traitor?
Godric: Irrelevant. Only a rumor. I'll take full responsibility.
Nan Flanagan: You bet your ass you will!

Pam: [about children] You make me so happy I never had any o' you.
Eric: Aw, c'mon Pam, they're funny. They're like humans, but miniature. Teacup humans.
Pam: I hate them. They're so stupid.
Eric: But delicious.

Pam: [from behind him] Remember me? [as he gets jumpy] Aww, you do. How's life?
Lafayette: Not so good. Uh, is you real?
Pam: [looking around the freezer] Hmmm. This is nice. I could sleep here in a pinch.
Lafayette: What are you doin' here? I ain't said nothin' to nobody.
Pam: And I knew you wouldn't.
Lafayette: Why didn't the fuck ya'll just glamour me, huh?
Pam: Oh poor thing. We would have, but then you wouldn't have remembered that you owed us.
Lafayette: Owe you?
Pam: Eric sent me with a request. [holds up a small bottle of blood] You're back in business.
Lafayette: Oh no I ain't. I'm outta that shit.
Pam: So sorry. But you're very much back in this shit.
Lafayette: You locked me up and tortured me for damn near three mother-fuckin' weeks, 'cause you caught me selling V and now...
Pam: Now what?
Lafayette: What the fuck is vampires doing selling V anyway?
Pam: We're not. You are. Get to work. [tosses him the bottle and leaves]

Sam: I don't know about you, but I think I've seen enough dead bodies to last me a life time.
Sookie: Except this one, I just don't get. With everyone Rene killed, you could see his rage. But this?...Cuttin' out that poor woman's heart? Someone just wanted to see her suffer! Every time I think I know what's what, it turns out...I don't know anything.

Sam: I got no idea how we're gonna deal with a god-damned maenad.
Andy: A mae-what?
Sam: Wait. You don't remember any of what I told you last night? Or were you passed out, spent the whole fuckin' day in bed, sleepin' off your bender?
Andy: You said uh, Maryann was to blame for all this, the bug eyes and the craziness.
Sam: And the people showin' up dead with their hearts cut out, in the back seat of your car.
Andy: She did that?
Sam: Yeah. She killed Daphne too.
Andy: Fuck me... We got another serial killer.
Sam: Andy, listen to me. She is a supernatural creature and she is immortal. She has powers and she's not leavin' till she gets what she wants, which I think is me.
Andy: What's she want you for?
Sam: I think to cut out my heart while a bunch of naked people watch. All for Dionysus or Satan or for some god that has horns.
Andy: People thought I was crazy because I thought I saw a pig!
Sam: Well you did see a pig and you were right. That pig is a part of all this. That pig was... was doin' some of Maryann's dirty work for her.
Andy: Well if what you say is true, we need to kill that bitch!
Sam: She don't die. Remember?

Sheriff Dearborne: Come by the station in the morning and I'll give you your badge back.
Andy: Really? I won't let you down Bud. And I am never touching another drink again.
Sheriff Dearborne: This town's a hell of a mess and I'm man enough to know I can't shoulder it myself. [Pause] You might have your faults Andy, but at least you got pants on.

Sookie: [after Bill proposes] Then why can't I say it? My heart's flying around in my chest - I can't even think straight. My life's inside out. With all that's happened I'm not sure about anything. I don't even know if I'm human!
Bill: What?
Sookie: Maybe I am some kind of freak. I've only met one other person in the world like me and who even knows where he is? And what happens when I grow old? And weak? And you're still the same, what then?
Bill: Sookie, I don't care about any of that. I want you just as you are.
Sookie: But I'm not even sure what I am!
Bill: Are you saying no?
Sookie: No I'm saying...I don't know what I'm saying. I need a minute to clean myself up. I'm sorry.
Season 3

Sookie: [as she starts to cry] Jessica... I'm sorry.
Jessica: Now, why are you crying?
Sookie: Because I did this to you. If Bill hadn't... I took your life away and I know there's no way you'll ever be able to forgive me. It's not even right to ask. But I had no idea it was gonna lead to this.
Jessica: I don't blame you, Sookie.