Toshiko: You said we weren't allowed to use that again.
Jack: It's just a mind probe.
Ianto: Remember what happened last time you used it?
Jack: That was different. And that species has extremely high blood pressure.
Ianto: Oh, right, their heads must explode all the time.
[Gwen looks up, wide-eyed in shock]
Gwen: Jack, you can't do this. What if you're wrong? If she is human, it'll kill her.
Jack: I'm not wrong. We have to find out what she is.
Toshiko: Take it easy, Jack. Stop at the first sign of trouble.
Ianto: Or at the first sign of explodiinggg. [grimaces and mimes a seizure].
Jack: [Snaps and points at Ianto] Hey!

[After walking in on Jack and Ianto in the hot house]
Gwen: Ianto, hi. I'm sorry. I didn't realize--
Ianto: Doesn't matter.
Gwen: I wouldn't have come in if I'd known--
Jack: Always room for one more. We could have used you an hour ago for naked hide-and-seek.
Ianto: He cheats. He always cheats

[Ianto is checking out wedding dresses]
Tailor: Can I help you?
Ianto: I'm looking for a wedding dress for my friend.
Tailor: Of course you are, sir. You'd be surprised, we're quite used to men buying for their... "friends".

[Jack enters the Hub. "I Lost My Heart to a Starship Trooper" is playing in the background.]
John: Come on! Sing along! It's our song!
Jack: We don't have a song! And if we did have a song, it wouldn't be this song!
John: [deadpan] You're no fun!

[Jack's vortex manipulator beeps]
Ianto: Woah, that never beeps.
Jack: That's what I was thinking.

[John has skulled half a bottle of vodka]
Jack: So, how was rehab?
John: Rehabs. Plural.
Jack: Drink, drugs, sex and ...?
John: Murder.
Jack: [laughs] You went to murder rehab?
John: I know. Ridiculous. The odd kill, who does it hurt?
Jack: [jokingly worried] You clean now?
John: [deadpan] Yeah, kicked everything, living like a priest.

[Owen has just given Tosh a toy rodent]
Tosh: Just what I need, a rodent watching me while I work. I think I'll call it Owen.

[Owen is trapped in a room and is about to be vaporised]
Owen: [hysterical] Tosh! Toshiko, I can't get out! Not like this! I'm not dying here! Get me out of here Tosh, get me out of here, I died once and I'm not doing it again! Where's Jack? Where's Gwen, Ianto, John?!? You wanna watch the dead man die again?!
Tosh: Owen, just stay calm.
Owen: Why should I do that? Where's the fun in that? I'm gonna rage my way to oblivion!
Tosh: [upset, quietly] Please stop.
Owen: Why? Give me good bloody reason why I should, one good reason why I shouldn't keep screaming!
Tosh: [crying] Because you're breaking my heart!
Owen: [calms down] Sorry.
Tosh: [still crying, harder] It's my fault.
Owen: No, no no it isn't, no it isn't, don't you dare go there Tosh, I'm really sorry. [pause] What's gonna happen to me Tosh?
Tosh: [whisper] I can't.
Owen: Please, okay, I need to know.
Tosh: [not crying but barely able to get the words out] The containment chamber will be flooded with irradiated coolant.
Owen: Ah, my body will slowly decompose, while I watch.
Tosh: [crying] I should have been able to stop it!
Owen: Sshh, come on Tosh, there's no way you could have anticipated that power spike, come on. Besides you've saved my back so many times in the past, right from the moment I joined.
Tosh: Your second week, I had to cover for you, pretend I was a medic because you were hung over and unreachable.
Owen: [weak laugh] What was it, space pig?
Tosh: Space pig.
Owen: We never did get that date did we, you and me? We sort of, uh, missed each other, was my fault, didn't notice until it was too late, I'm sorry.
Tosh: [weakly, crying] Me too.
Owen: [alarms sound] It's starting.
Tosh: [whisper] Owen.
Owen: It's all right; really Tosh, it's all right. [last words] Oh god.

[Radio advert plays while Rhys is driving]
Rhys: [Singing along] Who'd you trust to transport your goods? Harwoods! You won't be sorry with a Harwoods lorry!

[Talking about old film footage of a travelling show]
Tosh: I don't believe this Jack. What were you doing there?
Owen: He's part of this freak show.
Jack: Some things never change.
Owen: You being rude about me?

[Talking about the pterodactyl]
Jack: Quite excitable!
Ianto: Must be your aftershave.
Jack: I never wear any.
Ianto: You smell like that naturally?
Jack: Fifty first century pheromones, you people have no idea!

[team discusses the mysterious box]
Ianto: I think Jack brought that in.
Tosh: No, I'm pretty sure Adam found it on an excavation a few months back.
Ianto: I'll have a look in the diary. I like to log the interesting stuff.
Tosh: You write about artifacts in your diary?
Ianto: Among other things. [winks]