Bartlet: I want you to know that I had a number of people on my staff search for a reason the public would find palatable to commute the sentence. Technicality. Any evidence of racism.
Father Cavanaugh: So your staff spent the weekend looking for a way out.
Bartlet: Yeah.
Father Cavanaugh: Like the kid in right field who doesn't want the ball to get hit to him.
Bartlet: I'm the leader of a democracy, Tom. 71% of the people support capital punishment. The people have spoken. The courts have spoken.
Father Cavanaugh: Did you call the Pope?
Bartlet: Yeah.
Father Cavanaugh: And how do you do that?
Bartlet: Oh, for crying out loud, Tom. I open my mouth and say, "Somebody get me the Pope."
Father Cavanaugh: [raising a finger to emphasize his point] Oh, I'm sorry, Mr. President, but I was thinking... [pause] You're just this kid from my parish, and now you're calling the Pope.
Bartlet: Anyway...I looked for a way out, I really did.
Father Cavanaugh: "Vengeance is mine," sayeth the Lord. You know what that means? God is the only one who gets to kill people.
Bartlet: I know.
Father Cavanaugh: That was your way out.
Bartlet: I know.
Father Cavanaugh: Did you pray?
Bartlet: I did, Tom. I know it's hard to believe, but I prayed for wisdom.
Father Cavanaugh: And none came?
Bartlet: It never has. And I'm a little pissed off about that. [glances at his watch as it hits midnight] I'm not kidding.
Father Cavanaugh: You know, you remind me of the man that lived by the river. He heard a radio report that the river was going to rush up and flood the town. And that all the residents should evacuate their homes. But the man said, "I'm religious. I pray. God loves me. God will save me."
The waters rose up. A guy in a row boat came along and he shouted, "Hey, hey you! You in there. The town is flooding. Let me take you to safety." But the man shouted back, "I'm religious. I pray. God loves me. God will save me."
A helicopter was hovering overhead. And a guy with a megaphone shouted, "Hey you, you down there. The town is flooding. Let me drop this ladder and I'll take you to safety." But the man shouted back that he was religious, that he prayed, that God loved him and that God will take him to safety.
Well... the man drowned. And standing at the gates of St. Peter, he demanded an audience with God. "Lord," he said, "I'm a religious man, I pray. I thought you loved me. Why did this happen?" God said, "I sent you a radio report, a helicopter, and a guy in a rowboat. What the hell are you doing here?" [pause] He sent you a priest, a rabbi, and a Quaker, Mr. President. Not to mention his son, Jesus Christ. What do you want from him?

Bartlet: I was watching a television program before, with a kind of roving moderator who spoke to a seated panel of young women who were having some sort of problem with their boyfriends - apparently, because the boyfriends had all slept with the girlfriends' mothers. And they brought the boyfriends out, and they fought, right there on television. Toby, tell me: these people don't vote, do they?

Bartlet: I will never surrender in the War on Drugs, but if you are consistently getting slaughtered on the battlefield, you've probably misjudged your enemy.

Bartlet: I'd like to know why my Treasury Secretary's on national television denouncing a tax cut I never saw because of an estimate I never asked for.
Josh: We did offer to brief you on the details.
Bartlet: Brief me now.
Josh: We're not quite ready to brief you on the details.
Bartlet: Because you made a complete hash of it; the Leadership's sole request before taking up peacekeeping.
Toby: We're close to 60 Democratic votes.
Josh: It's just that you might face a decision about the fall legislative agenda.
Bartlet: What is that?
Toby: Would you prefer a bill to appoint an American monarch...
Josh: ...or a ban on the institution of marriage, except in casinos and department stores.
Bartlet: You tell the Speaker and the Majority Leader that with my newfound royal authority, with all my free time now that my marriage has been banned, and with the support of every NATO member in my pocket I'm sending those peacekeepers to the Middle East. If Congress wants to feed them, pay them, or ever bring them back, that's entirely up to them.
Toby: I assume we're free to play with the language on that.
Bartlet: We're done here.

Bartlet: I'm not bombing half the Middle East because it's going to make us all feel better.

Bartlet: I'm not going to the bunker. There are going to be people who aren't going to the bunker, and when I get out I'm not going to be able to tell them what to do anymore and I like doing that. Let's get Abbey to New Hampshire but I'm not going to the bunker. And if you say I have to, I'm walking across the alley with the Chief Justice and I'm handing John Hoynes my resignation. And as soon as he's sworn in I'm telling him to appoint me his Vice President because I'm not going to the bunker. If the agents come, the agents come, but tell Ron he'd better bring more than a couple of guys.

Bartlet: If I'd wanted to exercise, I'd have never become an economist.

Bartlet: Is Simon Blye coming in to meet with you today?
Leo: How did you know that?
Bartlet: I broke into your secret schedule compartment and took infrared photos with my compact camera.

Bartlet: Is upholding the sanctity of marriage our job? I raised my right hand and swore an oath to uphold the Constitution.
Sen. Wilkinson: Where was your left hand, Mr. President?

Bartlet: It occurs to me, I never said I'm sorry. I am. For the lawyers, for the press, for the mess, for the fear. Bruno, Doug, Connie -- these guys are good. They want to win. So do we. The only thing we want more is to be right. I wonder if you can't do both. There's a new book... and we're going to write it.

Bartlet: It was not a space ship from another planet, just another time -- a long since abandoned Soviet satellite. One of its booster rockets didn't fire and it couldn't escape Earth's orbit. A sad reminder of the time when two powerful nations challenged each other and then boldly raced into outer space. What will be the next thing that challenges us, Toby? That makes us go farther and work harder? You know that when smallpox was eradicated, it was considered the single greatest humanitarian achievement of this century? Surely we can do it again, as we did in the time when our eyes looked towards the heavens, and with outstretched fingers we touched the face of God.

Bartlet: It's Jed Bartlet, Mrs. Morello. I've got a few questions. When you taught Beowulf, did you make the kids read it in the original Middle English or did you use a translation?
Mrs. Morello: We used a translation, Mr. President.
Bartlet: Okay. We're going to call that the James Bond version.
...
Bartlet: [whispering] Tell her where you are.
Donna: Mrs. Morello, I am standing in the Oval Office and it is because of you.

Bartlet: It's not even the number of debates, as much as the format. Two-minute response followed by a one-minute reply. That's not a debate. That's not a debate! It's a joint press conference.

Bartlet: It's not up to us to decide what the voters get to use in evaluating us.
Vinick: A little odd coming from someone who wasn't completely open about his health.
Bartlet: That was a big mistake.
Vinick: Was it? What did we know about Lincoln's health when he was running: nothing. Washington? Jefferson? What about FDR's health? And when he died in office, did people say, "Gee, why didn't he tell us he was sick?" No. Did they say, "I wish I didn't vote for him"? No.

Bartlet: It's the curse of every daughter's father.
Charlie: Boyfriends?
Bartlet: I don't like them, I don't like them at all.
Charlie: Yes, I know sir.
Bartlet: What the hell happened with you two? It was perfect. I just kept you in the office all the time.
Charlie: Well, she was unhappy that I was at the office all the time.
Bartlet: That was the point. If I was trying to make her happy, I'd buy her a Cabriolet.